May 28, 2025- It is critical that parents do whatever they can to allow their children to find their success in life. Even with the best intentions, parents run the risk of pushing their children to achieve things they feel are critical but not necessarily what would be critical to them. I believe it is safe to say we have all talked to parents who look back at how they raised their children and wish they had done things very differently. It is not that persons can go back and redo things, but they can use what they have learned to be helpful as they share their insights with children, friends and acquaintances as they raise their children. All of us are different and it is important to know that children come through us and not to us. What I mean by this is that the role of a parent is to teach morality and also help develop the particular skills and interests their children have. They may be different from ours and we need to accept that. When children are strictly pushed to achieve and behave in the way their parents determine, this can cause anxiety, depression, substance abuse, low self-esteem, parent/child alienation , delinquency, difficulties maintaining relationships, and either being submissive or rebellious to their parents. My point here is not to say that parents do not need to give direction and encourage children to do things that would help them succeed in life. No, my point is for parents to allow their children to become who they want to be and find their success. For a simple example,a parent may be a mathematician and would like their child to be a mathematician. The child may have no interest in mathematics and may desire to be a high school teacher or whatever. In a situation like this, it is important we not push our child to be a mathematician. They might become a good one, but might hate the work and have mental health issues in the future because of it. It also is amazing how many parents are obsessed with their child being number one academically or in sports or both. Their self worth is directly related to the success of their children. This is very unfortunate unless the parents and children have the same goals and the child has the ability and desire to accomplish them. This seems simple enough, but it is amazing how many parents cause a lot of emotional havoc for themselves and their children by either trying to live their lives through their children or pushing them to behave in a particular way that they feel they must. Good advice for parenting with children is to always try to be positive and not push their children in ways that can overwhelm them, and cause them to feel like failures if they do not meet the standard presented to them by their parents. Positive things to do as parents to help their children would include being supportive when their children are attempting to do good things, focus on the process of activities rather than just the end result,help our children realize that not always succeeding is part of the process of being successful, focus on the child being motivated from within and not just externally by their parents or other persons, have open communication and willingness to accept different views, and never forget that as you are a person so are your children. This can emotionally allow you to get some distance from simply wanting the children to be succeeding in a way that is important to you as opposed to what is important to them in finding their success. Being a successful plumber or attorney can be a very worthwhile goal versus being the largest plumbing company or highest paid attorney in the country. I personally have seen children berated by parents for not functioning as they desire them to function in sports and academics while in both areas they were being successful and satisfied. Finally, my point is not for parents to discourage their children from trying to do their best, but rather to accept that millions of persons are leading successful, fulfilling, and happy lives without feeling the need to be number one and always competing against everyone. This has occurred because parents have allowed their children to find their success.

May 20, 2025- Subscribe to our YouTube page! The skilled manipulator is often charming, has charisma and can be very convincing they are most sincere, loving and caring persons. In reality, they are the classic con person who is trying to take advantage of persons. Even if it is hard to admit, if we are honest, we must admit we have been manipulated by others at one time or another. This does not mean we did anything particularly wrong or dishonest. No,it simply means we did something we would not have done if someone had not manipulated us into doing it for one reason or another. The advantage the skilled manipulator has is that most people are trusting and want to believe the motives of other persons when they are with us in terms of asking us to believe something to do things. The more trusting we are, the more the skilled manipulator has a chance to take advantage of us. Not all skilled manipulators are psychopaths and have no conscience, but they clearly are persons who want to control others and have them do as they desire. The typical example of the skilled manipulator is the person who gets you to help them move two times but then is always not available when you need them to help you. They make all kinds of promises to you that if you help them they will do the same for you. At a worse level is the manipulator who could control you into becoming a best friend or even a person who loves you when in reality, they have no love for you at all, but simply want to control you. Everything is wonderful until you say no and decide that you have your own feelings and beliefs. Their techniques include deceptively showing false caring and honesty in their interactions when in reality, they are often gaslighting them, and trying to convince them their opinions must be the same as theirs. Charming and loving traits may be in place when they are getting what they desire. The problem occurs when they want you to believe something or do something and you resist. The narcissist is easier to spot because everything relates to them, and this becomes clear rather quickly. The psychopath manipulator is clearly evil and because they have no sense of right or wrong, they are the most skillful when they come across as trustful, honest and wanting your best interests taken into account. They may be very difficult to work with in the workplace because while they are trying to control you with a Machiavellian type of fear and control, they will come across just looking out for you and that you are both on the same team trying to complete a very important and critical job. In reality, they are often simply looking out for their own interests and you are simply a pawn in whatever activity they are trying to accomplish. They may charm and convince you to stay on your job even if you have an opportunity for a better one because they say this is your opportunity and they will lead you to more success and better jobs. After you do not take the job, they quickly take another job that is a promotion for them and just up and leave without saying anything to you other than maybe good luck. The best defense against the skilled manipulator is to set boundaries for what you believe and are going to do. You also need to learn that saying no is an appropriate response and that yes is not always necessary. The old saying that when someone appears to be too good to be true, that is generally true and a good standard to initially judge people.

May 14, 2025- SUBSCRIBE TO OUR YOUTUBE PAGE! We have discussed a number of times the importance of seeking new employment when one is dissatisfied with their work and recognizing the importance of work for a person’s self-image and life satisfaction. I would not change the importance of having a job that is fulfilling. The problem is when people are in a situation where they cannot change their job and they need it for income, health insurance and various other reasons. Reasons may be a lack of ability to move, lack of needed education or experience, working in an environment where there is little room for promotion or simply that the job is not fulfilling to the person. The situation is very common. A recent poll shows that over 50% of workers have dissatisfaction with their work and another report found that 30% would like to change their jobs. My view is that this is an unfortunate but not hopeless situation when you have dissatisfaction with your work. To me this shows a need to look at your whole life and determine where you are going to find happiness. Even if we recognize that one sleeps maybe eight hours a day and works 40 hours a week, there are still a number of free hours in the 168 hours that make up a seven day week. When one has job dissatisfaction, and we know this is common with half the people in the country, then utilizing free time becomes even more important to find happiness. This is the time to expand on the enjoyment of hobbies, spiritual growth as desired, family activities, leisure activities, music, gaming, favorite TV watching, volunteering, and whatever other activities persons might find enjoyable and bring them happiness. It also is important to put perspective on the fact one needs a job to survive and to pay for what is necessary and desired in life. Persons also still have the opportunity to try to see if there is a way for them to find work functions where they work that would be more satisfying. A different view and attitude about the job might also be helpful. The critical goal is not to be constantly thinking about the dissatisfaction of the job, but to be finding ways to make their overall lives more exciting, enjoyable and happy through unleashed utilization of their free time. If one finds this very difficult to do, seeking out an experienced therapist who has worked with persons with job dissatisfaction may be helpful to give them perspective and a better chance for happiness in their lives in spite of job dissatisfaction.