Author: braccioj

The last Q/A newsletter we sent out related to a woman who wants to retire but her husband wants her to keep working until he can retire. As the baby boomers reach retirement age, questions about when mersineskort to retire are very common.  I deal with them regularly.  Typical questions are as follows: 1. Can I/we afford to retire now.  2. If not, when?  3.  Should I retire and get another job?  4.  Should I/we retire and move?  5.  Can we live the rest of our projected lives on what resources we have?  6.  What do you do when you want to retire and your house, which you planned to be part of your retirement financial resources, has lost a lot of equity that you may need?  7.  Will I have purpose in life? etc.

Negative TV Ads

Dr. Braccio talks to Tony Conley about negative ads on the Tony Conley Show

During this growing height of political ads a question can be….Why do politicians use dirty ads?  The following are some points kocasinan escort ilanları for discussion:  1.  People seem to be far more interested in a kidnapping or plane crash than Mary got straight As and the Grand River uneventfully went through Lansing yesterday. I read 9.1% ads were negative in 2008 and 70% recently in this election cycle.  3.  Countless surrogates can attack while the candidate claims no involvement.  4.  Attack ads present the opponent as dangerous, dishonest, deceptive, a crony to certain power interests, shifty, inconsistent, an opportunist, etc.  5.  Negatively and unfairly compare the candidate with your positive and superior traits.  6.  Hope words from extremely negative ads when said over and over again become ingrained in the listener who initially may be turned off by the add.  7.  Focus on emotional issues loaded with fear to turn someone against the opponent.  8.  Raise questions and hopefully some digging by the listener will lead to a changed vote.  9.  Tell half-truths with negative motive and hope people do not look for the facts.  10.  Etc.

As a statement, in a 50/50 election every vote counts and dirty adds are and will be part of the political landscape.  They also can turn people off so there is a danger.  My point is to help people be more aware as opposed to knocking anyone or any party.  The biblical quote fits perfectly:  HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN LET HIM CAST THE FIRST STONE.

If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me directly.

Unexpected Death of Loved One is Especially Hard

Dr.Braccio talked on the Tony Conley Radio Show about the grief, pain and guilt that can occur kocasinan bayan arkadaş when a loved one unexpectedly dies.

The following points are discussed:

1.  An exceptionally difficult time is made worse by lack of preparation.

2.  Closure may not occur.  We feel guilt because we did not say goodbye or “I love you” to the deceased

person.

3.  We must dig deeply in our psyche and recognize the wonderful times shared together.

4.  If one has a sense of spiritually, we accept this is the time God allocated for our loved one and we will

meet again in a place where pain and death do not exist.

5.  The person will live as long as we remember him or her.

6.  The process of grief includes disbelief, crying, soul searching and eventually acceptance.

Listen to Dr.Braccio discuss with Tony bereavement and silifke eskort ilanları dealing with the unexpected loss of loved ones. 

Direct Download The .mp3

Depression, Chronic Pain and Headaches

Depression is a condition where the person is sad and experiences little or no joy in life.  The person needs a balance mersin anamur eskort bayanları in life and positive outlook.  Depression and chronic pain with headaches are difficult to copy with and often run together.  The effects can be so devastating to all aspects of a person’s life beyond what the average person would believe possible.  I have worked with many persons or that see their lives revolve around their headaches.  The Depression diagnosis is often missed or minimized because the headaches and chronic pain take all the attention.  The following strategies can help: Relaxation techniques, balance in life, positive outlook, deep breathing, spirituality, hypnosis, medication, counseling, yoga, visual imagery, distraction and dissociation.

You Can’t Protect Your Children Forever
Question
Dr.Braccio: I try konya merkez eskort to shield our children from disappointments. The problem is they seem to be bothered more and more about anything as they get older. My husband has always said I go too far in protecting them. Now, I must agree. My intentions have been good but my nine and ten year olds were so depressed and down a whole evening and into the next day when they could not see the movie we wanted to go to because all tickets were sold out. They were very upset and made a scene. I even tried to buy tickets from persons in line until my husband gently pulled me away. What should I do? My behavior and theirs is typical these days. I’m feeling very ineffective as a mother.
Answer
You are a loving mother. The problem is that you are trying to make a very imperfect earth perfect for your children. Many dysfunctional and chronically unhappy persons are in effect “created” because they never learn to deal with the normal ups and downs of life. Do not let this happen to your children. Emotional resiliency is a very health quality that is fostered through the learning of skills and adaption of attitudes through the trial-and-error, cause-and-effect experiences in our lives.
How one deals with adversity and challenge in life often determines a person’s character. To take “the road less traveled” and effectively help self and others is a choice a person makes after learning to effectively and humanely deal with problems one encounters in life. To engender these characteristics, skills and attitudes, you will need to model and practice them.
The key life quality you need to develop is balance If a bully is beating up one of your children at school, then you need to intervene on their behalf. On the other hand, if your child is just not getting along with someone or the person is just not being nice, you can advise your child on how to address the problem but do not become heavily involved and get mad at the other child or call his parents. That usually will only enhance the problem in the long run.
For your children to be so depressed over not being able to go to a movie for an extended period of time and making a scene is not normal even with a broad definition of “normal”. Disappointment would be reasonable, but not sulking and being depressed for a “whole evening and into the next day”.
Because the beliefs and behaviors of you and the children are so ingrained, you will have a very hard time making the changes you will need to do to help your children be able to deal with the normal disappointments in life. Accept that you love your children and have indeed given them a good life. To now show your love, you must let them cry, be hurt and sort out normal problems for themselves unless something very bad is happening to them. To be supportive and an available loving parent giving good advice is good parenting. You need to separate your esteem as a parent from your children’s emotional mood manipulations. In this way, you can develop a more supportive and effective loving approach to your relationship with your children.
The following are some things you can do:
1. Work with your husband to get perspective and consistency in your treatment of the children. His involvement could bring a positive force to help solve the problem.
2. Be an adviser to your children to help teach them to appropriately assess problems and how to solve them.
3. Admit to your children you have been too involved in their lives and need to back off.
4. Have family meetings to discuss how to appropriately deal with everyday life problems.
5. When problems occur and your children get unreasonably depressed and upset, help them use positive self-talk to give them a positive outlook. This is key because what we think strongly determines how we feel. You need to work on this yourself. Examples would be as follows:
Negative Self-Talk: “Life sucks because it’s raining and we can’t ride our bikes.” Positive Self-Talk: “Find something else to do and have fun. Ride your bikes when the sun comes out.”
Negative Self-Talk: “I wanted to see Bill today. He’s not home. My whole day’s ruined”.
Positive Self-Talk: “Call someone else. Find things to do.” Negative Self-Talk: “All the seats are sold for the movie. I’m so down and feel horrible.”
Positive Self-Talk: “Let’s pick another one. We also can go tomorrow and see it. The world is going to go on.”
You may find an experienced therapist could help you have appropriate perspective on what happens to your children and their reactions.
The road to change will be hard and slow, but the end result of well-balanced children who can deal with the regular rigors of life is worth the effort.

Question:
Dr.Braccio: I’ve been having some bad feelings about my parenting and the attitude of my 10 and 11 year mersin anamur eskort bayanları old children. My parents and three brothers are all very successful and have been very generous with us. My husband and their father left us alone years ago, lives far away, helps raise his girlfriend’s children, and sends nothing for the support of his own children. The problem is that one brother said I was raising unappreciative brats who demand and do not know how to say “thank you”. He had just taken them on a trip and they wanted everything they saw. I talked to my mother, even though more gently, she agreed with my brother. Even though it hurt her to tell me, she says she does feel my children are not grateful and even demanding. And worse yet, not appreciative like the other children whose parents are well off and help us. I guess I’ve wrongly felt we deserve things from our family because of how hard we’ve had it. I guess this has not been right. My dad also agrees. He says they’ve tried to tell me their feelings, but they obviously have not been direct enough. He simply said to have them say “thank you” more and teach them to be appreciative. He says that’s my job. What do you think? I know everyone loves us and will help.
Answer:
Your dad is right. They need to be appreciative and say thank you. I might add, the “thank you” needs to be sincere. Your dad is also right when he says that is your job.
That your life has been difficult is true. It also is true you are fortunate to have generous and loving parents, brothers, and their families. What is also true is that your children need to show appreciation when people help. That these person do it out of love for you is reason to show love back by being appreciative. As the old Spanish saying goes, ‘Love pays back with love’, (Amor se paga with amor.)
You need to have a heart to heart discussion with your children and tell them to be humble and appreciative. Let them clearly know they must always sincerely say “thank you” and not expect more and more things from family. Say their life would be much worse without the generous love and support of family. They must focus not on how unfair life has been to them, but rather how fortunate they are to have a loving, supportive, and generous family.
Of particular concern is that the children of your brothers are appreciative and yours are not. This does relate to parenting and your apparent unwillingness to set some appreciation limits for them. Even though the lack of parenting by the father is disgraceful, for your children to grow up unappreciative of what is done for them is a terrible outcome. Do not allow a “victim mentality” to overcome them when they expect things because of how bad the father is.
To meet with your family to discuss this situation could be helpful. Include your children in the process. You all need to work together to help teach them to be appreciative. With the love you all have, success can come if you all work together. I think you can and will.

Question:
Dr.Braccio: We recently had a blow up argument with our seventeen year old kocasinan eskort son. He’s been finding a lot of faults in us recently. It has gotten particularly bad since he began dating a girl from a home where he says they live according to how they speak. We’re good people, but do often excessively drink, swear and smoke. We also fight a lot and compete over anything. His older brother and sister adapt to us and are like us. Because he’s such a solid person, we at least are trying to look at ourselves more closely. We’ve also quit blaming her and her family for his new attitude. She is really nice and her family open and clearly good people. We’re confused and question our own behaviors. What should we do?
Answer
You need to model the behaviors you want your children to exhibit. Drinking, swearing, fighting and smoking are behaviors most parents would not want to model for their children.
Based on your own description of yourselves, it is reasonable for your son to have concerns and voice them about the behavior and overall environment of his family home.
Your lifestyle, while it may seem comfortable in its habits to you, does not provide your son with a feeling of pride, security or connectivity. If those are your values as good people, then adapting your lifestyle may benefit all of you in far ranging ways.
You need to decide the type of home you want. If you choose to live as you do, and that is your choice, you may definitely continue to lose your son’s respect over time. The fact you “are questioning your own behaviors” shows you are considering changes in your home. I think that would be a good idea. Who you determine to be as individuals will determine the kind of home environment you will have.
The following are some changes to consider that could make your home life more moderate and acceptable to everyone. You would also find there predictably would be a growth in respect, love and family unity if you try some of these changes.
1. Drink in moderation. To get drunk is not attractive or good for the health. It also can lead to inappropriate, atypical, and even dangerous behaviors.
2. Swearing is demeaning to the person doing it and to whomever the swearing may relate. Not swearing only has positives, while abusive language only has negatives.
3. It is never too late to question our values and behaviors. A new growing process can ring some great rewards to your family.
4. Fighting a lot and constant competition are very stressful. Question yourselves here: How much do you smoke, drink, and swear as a tension relief from fighting and unhealthy competing with one another? Are these actually self and family defeating behaviors?
5. Continue to support your son’s sense of values and respect his needs for life-enhancing behaviors.
You need to use the conflict to make changes that will make all of you as individuals and a family more effective, loving and unified. It is possible with a lot of soul searching and hard work.