QUESTION
I’m feeling very hurt and upset about something I can’t control.I had my sixteen year old son when his father was sixteen and I was silifke escort ilanları fifteen years old. He has married, is successful, and has four other children. His wife is snooty and really resents me and my son even though she is cordial. The father sends child support but is not very involved in his life. My son keeps in contact and I encourage this. I feel bad because my son has little and his brothers and sisters live very well with two families giving support. We are more or less on our own except for some good friends who are supportive. I try to be positive and let him know how much I love him. I work hard but do not make a lot of money. He’s a good student, has friends, is involved in sports and makes his own spending money. My son always says he loves me and doesn’t complain a lot but it has to hurt him. What do you think?
ANSWER
It probably does hurt him to some degree. The situation is not fair from a material point of view. What cannot be measured are the positive feelings he receives from the love you give him. The fact he always say he loves you is wonderful. Teenagers do not “always” say that if they do not mean it.
Praise yourself for not only loving him but by example showing him how to love you back in a wondrous mother/child mirror-like interaction and exchange. Such feelings make life so much more meaningful.
It appears your son, even if he is somewhat saddened by material comparisons with his siblings, is successful and moving on in his life. Your effective parenting of him can act like a ripple effect positively impacting on his and your future family members for generations to come. Such is the importance of successful parenting.
That you have “some good friends who are supportive” is and has been positive for both of you. They apparently have become like an “extended part” of your family.
Accept you “can’t control” or change the attitudes and behaviors of your son’s father and his wife. That you encourage him to keep in contact is positive unless it were destructive to his self-image; and that does not appear to be the case. You can only impact on yourself and your son. Continue to do the fine job you are doing with your son. Hopefully, the father will someday desire to become more involved in his son’s life.
In a world where complaining and comparing self to others has never been a path to success and happiness, it appears your son is successfully finding a positive path of social, academic, work, and athletic success. Continue to applaud and encourage him to be his best. As he does this, you will daily see the effects of your sacrifice and boundless love. Substitute your feelings of “hurt and upset” for feelings that you are doing a wonderful parenting job.

Question
Dr.Braccio: While I’ve never been accused of being overly positive, konya merkez escort kızlar I feel very positive when compared with my thirteen year old daughter and fourteen year old son. Their lives are generally good, but they’re negative on so much in life. Friends say that’s what kids are like now-a-days. Do you agree? What can I do? We need some things to do to make us more positive.
Answer
I do not agree. In spite of the constant drumbeat of negative news and commercialism in which we live, everyone, including teenagers, can be positive.
Begin by simply always seeking something positive in whatever event occurs. For example, in the national tragedy of 9/11, even a year later, it is hard to hold back tears or not be overwhelmed with pulsating emotion when seeing or hearing of everyday people like you and me who gave up or risked their lives so that others might live.
Try to model a positive outlook. Parental modeling is very powerful. Children often think and behave like we do.
One of the most underdeveloped abilities we have is to determine what we will think about. This determines how we perceive life. For example, if there were ten books on a shelf that tell all experiences of your life, how negative and unproductive to only read the one book about your defeats. It is amazing how many people do this. You and your children need to focus on positive thoughts and images.
While we must be realistic, you and your children need to find the positive in life. Those who have “a song in their heart” are so much happier than those who sing a sad song saluting everything negative in life.
Happiness is a choice. You need to see happiness as the trip through life and not some distant goal. To raise respectful and loving children to be adults is a wonderful achievement, but what a wondrous ride it is to be the parents helping mold the children into effective human begins.
Even though an overused phrase, it is true that “we are what we think”. When we are trying to be positive and good persons, the response to an old rhyme: “Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all’, must be “you”. Find the positive in yourself and build on it.
The following are some positive things you and your children might try to use to be more positive;
1. Look for solutions in life rather than problems.
2. Exercise.
3. Read for enjoyment and also to expand your mind.
4. Help someone every day.
5. Try something new.
6. Think of a positive new way of looking at some aspect of your life every day.
7. Focus on the positive aspects of your life.
8. Remember happy moments in your life.
9. Remember bad experiences to learn from them but not to punish yourself in the present by constantly reliving these memories.
10. Remember the home runs of your life and not the strike outs.
11. Do a loving thing daily for a friend or family member.
12. As appropriate for you, seek spiritual support to give more meaning to life.
13. Enjoy the road of life. The only time we have for sure is “now”. Make every second count.

Question
Dr.Braccio: My husband konya merkez eskort and I worry for our two and four year old children. We met and fell in love after difficult youths and often being taken advantage of by others. We feel we’ve “played the fool” for many persons. Our love has shielded us from the many hurts we’ve suffered. We’re in love with each other but feel we have low self-esteem and do not want to pass it on to our children. What can we do? We love our children so much.
Answer
You two seem like wonderful and loving persons at a spousal and parental level. I am sure it transfers to others you care about.
A positive outcome of people who have been taken advantage of is that they often are sensitive and caring persons; however, the goal is for you and your children to be sensitive and caring while effectively asserting yourselves. Then each of you will have healthy self-esteem that enhances you as human beings and does not allow others to take advantage of your goodness.
Few things are more stinging psychologically than the pain one feels when ‘playing the fool’ for others. Make sure the present and future are free of such negative experiences. Proudly say ‘never again’ when you remember the past.
Your self-esteem needs to be determined by yourselves and not others. Make your own road in life and declare yourselves non-victims and stand tall as human beings on an equal status with everyone.
Both of you need to model assertive behavior if you want your children to not be like you have been . Ultimately good self-esteem comes from within one’s self. The internal mirror needs to have a loving reflection for you to see.
The use of examples in everyday life that you encounter to explain what is appropriate assertive behavior would also be helpful. Examples could be the following:
1. When an employee refuses to be treated unfairly.
2. When a person will not listen to inappropriate jokes.
3. When a person says no when someone wants her/him to do something he/she
appropriately does not want to do.
4. When a person will not join others in demeaning other human beings.
5. When a person stands up for his/her religious and/or moral beliefs.
6. When a person asserts his/her rights when someone would take them away.
7. When one stands up for someone who is being treated inappropriately.
Be proud of the love you share and see it as the wondrous self-esteem gift you will pass on to your children. Such love is the cornerstone of positive self-esteem. Add assertive modeling and teaching by both of you and positive self-esteem will be the result.

Question
Dr.Braccio: Our fifth grade son is having problems getting silifke escort numaraları along in school. He’s very smart but has a hard time getting along with children his own age. We hoped this would pass. We began home schooling him in the third grade because of the same kind of problems. We put him back in school this year because his therapist said he needed more interaction with children because he felt he was too isolated and becoming too selfish and set in his ways. We don’t know what to do. Our son doesn’t like school and wants to have me start teaching him again. Academically he’s well above grade level. What should we do? How can we help him?
Answer
To home school a child can be a fine choice for many children. That is not true, as in the case of your son, when someone cannot get along with his peers. Unless the children are all unreasonable, and that would be highly unlikely, he needs to learn to get along with them.
Part of a person’s educational process is socialization, which includes learning to get along with one’s peers. Your son has proved academics can be learned outside of the traditional academic setting. What he needs to learn is that his character is developed in the often difficult and turbulent world of social interaction.
If he is selfish and not able to get along with people now, imagine how difficult his life will be in the future. To this point in his life, he proves that education is more than just academics. It appears your son has never learned how to share and be involved in team work. He needs to learn this to be effective in life.
Try to find activities he can do at school that will enhance his ability to share, be part of a team, and learn both tolerance and flexibility. You can talk to his teacher and/or school counselor about this. Any small group activities at school dealing with these issues could also be helpful.
In family discussions at times ripe for good communication, let him know he must learn to share, accept differences of opinion, seek out friendships, and try to be a team player at home, school, and in the community. Listen to his arguments, but firmly let him know he must change to be an effective and caring human being.
Encourage friendships by inviting possible friends to come over to visit, go to a movie, a community event, or other activities. Parent involvement can be very helpful in encouraging friendships of our children.
Involvement in peer activities in churches, boy scouts, or community recreational activities could also help.
Due to the long time your son has developed his personality and outlooks, it will not be easy for him to change. Continued efforts by you, his therapist, involved school personnel, and trying some of the above suggestions can make progress possible for him to become not just academically advanced, but also socially advanced as an effective and caring human being.

Question
Dr.Braccio: Our 8-year-old son has been identified as genç kızlar kocasinan having Attention Deficit Disorder. He doesn’t act out but has trouble paying attention and is getting behind in third grade. We don’t always know what he’s doing in school, and he forgets to bring assignment from a Special Education Teacher consultant, though. The school has strongly suggested we consider medication. We don’t want to do that except as a final alternative. What else can we do now to help him? Is the school right?
Answer
It appears your son has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, Primarily Inattentive Type. Too often, people with this diagnosis are overlooked because they are not acting out as are those who are hyperactive and impulsive. It is good that you are aware of his problem now so that you can best help him deal with it. The school may ultimately be right about medication; however, I believe it is appropriate for you to try other strategies first. This would be particularly be true now that the school is beginning to offer Special Education Services. Here are some strategies to help your son:
1. Work closely with school personnel to coordinate what is done at home and school. Make sure the school staff is always aware of what you are doing.
2. Request that he be placed near the front of the room to help him pay attention.
3. Have quiet study times at home to help him do his homework without excess noise. This also can help him better develop his attention span.
4. Have his teacher give him daily assignments to complete rather than long-term assignments. For example, it would be better for him to read five pages of a book daily rather than to read 50 pages in the next two weeks. This can be coordinated between the classroom teacher and teacher consultant.
5. Make sure the teacher consultant working with him puts in writing what assignments he must do for tomorrow. You must review it and make sure he goes to school the next day with his assignment. Hopefully, over time he will develop this skill himself. This type of habit formation is helpful when persons have problems with attention.
6. Applaud him every time he improves his attention. Encouragement can only help people to their best.
7. If you do not have success, then you might try to talk to your family physician or pediatrician about medication. That would then be the reasonable and logical thing to do. Even if it is not the first choice, medication is helpful for many students when a problem exists that cannot be corrected by changes in the environment.

Question
Dr.Braccio: We are feeling like a bust as karatay bayan arkadaş parents. Our kids expect everything and sadly we give it to them. What brought it to a head was when our church wanted volunteers to help do some work for the poor. They complained and said taxes take care of them and they were busy. We feel they should want to help sometimes if asked to do something in the community. We did and obviously did not teach them right. They are thirteen and fourteen year old boys. What can we do? Is it too late to change them?
Answer
To change their outlook will be challenging; however, it is never to late to change. Unfortunately, their outlook is extremely common in our teens. Too many have done very well at our expense but not by their own energy and investment of values. Your children cannot feel compassion for the “have nots” when they have only known what it is like to have everything they want or need. After all, in their thinking, why burst their bubble of protection and prosperity with exposure to the problems of others? They need to internalize the wise statement, “To whom much is given, much is expected”. Then they can develop some human compassion and humility.
Sometimes, radical rethinking and pattern alternation can help. For example, require some type of community service to earn their next “goodies”. Make it a point to do community outreach as a family. In that way, you model and support these values while including them.
Do not be afraid to openly share with your teens about your concerns. Let them know that past oversights on your part helped to create this lack of compassion, generosity, and understanding, but now it is time to create those values and that you plan to do it together.
Many young people have done well to connect with church and organizations that provide protection and outreach efforts, like painting houses, helping children and raking leaves. To have them engage in these activities with their peers may offer comradery and cooperative efforts for the service of others. They may even get to enjoy it.
Although it is not too late to instill the values of service and generosity, the return on the effort will be proportional to how energetically all of you pursue this change of attitude and of heart as parents and as a family.
And do not forget, sometimes doing without is actually receiving more. It can build character, intimacy and depth of spirit. It also teaches empathy, resourcefulness and independence. Invest your energy in compassion and conserve your physical resources.

Couple Intimacy During The Christmas Period Holiday
Christmas and the overall holiday period put a lot of pressure on a couple.They must anamur escort kızlar shop, go to work, go to work parties, have family get-togethers, prepare meals, see relatives they may not want to see, nurture their children, put on a happy front, often travel great distances, sometime feel inadequate, unappreciated and even unloved. With all of that and more going on, it is critical to remember to love each other, make time for each other and share warm moments of love and intimacy. As always and at all times, this must be a priority in this period of priorities. Your love and marriage are not to be forgotten and lost during the Christmas/Holiday period.

Question
Dr.Braccio: I’m feeling mersin anamur eskort bayanları guilty and afraid. My ex-wife and I married early and had two children before we were twenty. Mainly because of my immaturity and stupidity we were divorced by twenty-two. The problem is I’m only now getting more and more involved in the lives of my children. On the weekends I’ve had them, I always had my parents and sister look after them. I would make appearances and come for meals and movies, but little else. Only recently have I been spending Wednesday evenings with them. My parents for years paid much of my child support. My children are very happy as I spend more and more time with them. The problem is that their mother hates me and resents my new involvement. She recently said I never cared for them before and I look hypocritical playing the caring father to children she raised. She’s right and I do feel somewhat hypocritical. She says she wished she had turned them against me so she wouldn’t have to put up with me now. I’m afraid of what she tells them about me. But I do love them and will continue seeing them even if my ex-wife and her family resent me for it. How should I feel and what should I do? My parents tell me to be the father I need to be and not worry. They believe I must be patient and she will come around because she is basically a good person and a great mother.
Answer
You can feel bad for not being a good parent for many years and leaving your responsibilities to your parents and sister. With that said, you now need to be an effective parent. To your credit, you are now doing that. To continue as you did would be senseless. In effect, your parents and sister did your job. Thanks to them, you can now be the father you have not been.
That their mother is angry at you is reasonable from the perspective you hurt her and have not been raising these good children. Allow her this anger at you and do all you can to try to get along with her. It is your turn to be patient. Because she is a “a good person and great mother”, she will predicably accept you as a responsible parent. The important thing is to be consistent and loving when with the children.
If you have the courage, admit to your children, even though they know, that you have not been a good parent. That will be positive . You also can say you were not good to their mother but will try to be fair to her now as best you can. That can help them understand their mother’s anger and hopefully help her get over her great anger at you. She was raising the children while you did what you chose to do.
Verbally and/or in writing give credit to the mother in person for all she has done to raise the children. That will cost you nothing, will be true and may help her get over her resentment for you. You also can apologize for what you did to end the marriage and for not being there for years to co-parent.
That your parents and sister have been there for the children in your place has been critical. Without them, your relationship with your children would most likely not be anything like it is now. Praise them for helping raise your children and making it possible for you to begin effective and loving parenting.

Discussion on 12/9/08 from a Segment on “Ebling and You” on
Couple Intimacy During The Christmas Period Holiday
Christmas and the overall holiday period put a lot of pressure on a couple.They must shop, go to kocasinan eskort work, go to work parties, have family get-togethers, prepare meals, see relatives they may not want to see, nurture their children, put on a happy front, often travel great distances, sometime feel inadequate, unappreciated and even unloved. With all of that and more going on, it is critical to remember to love each other, make time for each other and share warm moments of love and intimacy. As always and at all times, this must be a priority in this period of priorities. Your love and marriage are not to be forgotten and lost during the Christmas/Holiday period.

Question
Dr.Braccio: Our fifth grade son is having problems getting konya merkez kadın numaraları along in school. He’s very smart but has a hard time getting along with children his own age. We hoped this would pass. We began home schooling him in the third grade because of the same kind of problems. We put him back in school this year because his therapist said he needed more interaction with children because he felt he was too isolated and becoming too selfish and set in his ways. We don’t know what to do. Our son doesn’t like school and wants to have me start teaching him again. Academically he’s well above grade level. What should we do? How can we help him?
Answer
To home school a child can be a fine choice for many children. That is not true, as in the case of your son, when someone cannot get along with his peers. Unless the children are all unreasonable, and that would be highly unlikely, he needs to learn to get along with them.
Part of a person’s educational process is socialization, which includes learning to get along with one’s peers. Your son has proved academics can be learned outside of the traditional academic setting. What he needs to learn is that his character is developed in the often difficult and turbulent world of social interaction.
If he is selfish and not able to get along with people now, imagine how difficult his life will be in the future. To this point in his life, he proves that education is more than just academics. It appears your son has never learned how to share and be involved in team work. He needs to learn this to be effective in life.
Try to find activities he can do at school that will enhance his ability to share, be part of a team, and learn both tolerance and flexibility. You can talk to his teacher and/or school counselor about this. Any small group activities at school dealing with these issues could also be helpful.
In family discussions at times ripe for good communication, let him know he must learn to share, accept differences of opinion, seek out friendships, and try to be a team player at home, school, and in the community. Listen to his arguments, but firmly let him know he must change to be an effective and caring human being.
Encourage friendships by inviting possible friends to come over to visit, go to a movie, a community event, or other activities. Parent involvement can be very helpful in encouraging friendships of our children.
Involvement in peer activities in churches, boy scouts, or community recreational activities could also help.
Due to the long time your son has developed his personality and outlooks, it will not be easy for him to change. Continued efforts by you, his therapist, involved school personnel, and trying some of the above suggestions can make progress possible for him to become not just academically advanced, but also socially advanced as an effective and caring human being.

Question
Dr.Braccio: It seems being old fashioned about parenting is a flaw escort kızlar mersin to many. My husband and I live in a home filled with love where our 14 and 15 year old sons are to let us know what they are doing, where they are and with whom. They have a curfew of 9:00 p.m. during the week and at midnight on weekends. After discussion with them, exceptions are made for school events and reasons we find reasonable. They also have chores we expect them to complete. To be good students is expected. Our kids go along with most of this. The problem is with friends of theirs who put pressure on them to push us to change. It amazes us that various parents of their friends feel we are too rigid and need to open up. Two parents have actually told us this. Most of their friends do not have curfews and few expectations at home. What do you think? Are we too rigid?
Answer
I do not think you are “too rigid”. In a world loaded with teenage disrespect, drug abuse, inappropriate sexual conduct, parental abdication of responsibility, and family chaos in many homes, the consistency you offer is critical to their chances for success in life now and in the future. Behaviors and outlooks during these years will predictably continue in adulthood.
Parents must be consistent and fair in their parenting. You appear to meet both standards. That other parents and their children think you are too strict is their opinion and nothing for you to worry about. You also can find parents with far more restrictive curfews and rules than you have. It is your responsibility to determine how to raise your children.
Too often parents cave in to the opinions of their children or others on parenting. This is the deceptively easy thing to do and reduces much pressure in the short term. The problem is that your parental standards become inconsistent, will always be challenged, and the end result too often is to lose control over your children through ineffective parenting.
An important aspect of parenting is to be flexible as a parent. Rules that are written in stone and never can be discussed or adjusted can limit your options by not being able to make exceptions. This does not appear to be a problem for you because you involve the children and do make exceptions for school events and other situations you feel are reasonable on an individual basis. Their involvement in family expectations is always a good idea.
Human beings need structure in their lives. This is particularly true with children in their teenage years. With all the social pressures and physical changes occurring, it is important that the home and family be a center of love and consistency. Do not back off from offering your children what you believe they need. Continue to be effective parents.
When all is said and done, you need to parent in a manner you are comfortable. Follow the dictates of your own heart and conscience.

Dr. Braccio:
Our fifteen year old daughter has had one very close friend her whole life.She also has a few acquaintances she infrequently spends time karatay eskort with. She’s a fine girl but I wonder if she should reach out and have more friends. She seems happy but I feel her life might be better if she tried to have more friends and be with more people. What do you think?
Answer
My first response is you are lucky in this day and age to have a stable 15 year old daughter with a good lifelong friend and a few acquaintances.
That “she seems happy” and you have no reason to doubt this, should be cause to back off and let her enjoy her life. She obviously is doing fine. Too often parents are concerned that their children are not with the “popular” kids in the “fast social track”. Do not join that group. To be popular has its benefits, but at age 15, inappropriate temptations can be overwhelming. Your daughter has a lifetime to develop her personality and relationships. Let her grow at a pace she is comfortable.
To encourage your daughter to be involved in church, school or community activities is positive for someone her age as long as the goal is to make activities available she may enjoy versus pushing her to do what you want her to do.
The temptation of our culture is to sometimes advocate quantity of relationships over their quality. It displays wisdom that your daughter prefers to manage her relationships with others qualitatively versus quantitatively. In fact, to demonstrate long-term trust and loyalty with others, even if only with one close friend, is a desirable social/emotional outcome of adolescence. These qualities will serve her well in the future. Too many adolescents have only surface level “friendships” that usually do not stand the test of time. Her friendship appears well on the road to being a lifetime friendship. It will be a positive model for future relationships she may choose to enter.
If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me directly.
John H. Braccio, Ph.D.

Question
We are in a real dilemma over the behavior of our 10 year old year son.He has been alot of trouble to us in spite of our best intentions He lies to avoid punishment and does some petty stealing silifke eskort numaraları in the house. We’re tough with him but he always fools us and lets us down when we begin to trust him. He behaves good at school and has some good friends. The current concern for us is that his teacher this year feels we are too negative and need to be more positive. We met with him and the school counselor about this. The school counselor is meeting with him and agrees with the teacher. We want to do that but are so worn out . So are his two older sisters. What should we do?
Answer
This is a difficult situation. It appears you are burned out with parenting your son. That he steals and lies certainly hurts trust and must be eliminated.
The problem is that he only gets negative from you and this continues due to his inappropriate behaviors. The teacher and school counselor may be able to help the whole family. Hopefully, they are building a rapport that can help him behave more appropriately at home. Encourage them to work with your son and keep in close contact with them.
You two need to start noting his good behaviors and reinforce them. Your negative approach is obviously not working and the family is in turmoil. The key is not to overlook lying and stealing but rather to praise him when he tells the truth and does not steal. Hopefully, this reinforcement will help him replace his negative behaviors with positive ones.
That he has good friends and does not get in trouble at school shows the problem is at home and relates to family dynamics. This is positive and enhances the chances for success in a shorter period of time if you can change the home environment.
Family counseling could be helpful. You might begin with the two of you to help give you new approaches to deal with your son. Your son and daughters could be included as deemed appropriate by the counselor. It is possible changes by both of you would lead to changes in him that would make the home life much better for everyone.
A pastor could also help if you have a spiritual orientation. The pain you are suffering is often relieved with spiritual as well as worldly support.
Even though it is obvious you cannot excuse lying and stealing, you would do well to see if his behaviors are really an inappropriate reaching out for some attention and maybe even love, even if it is negative. Counseling could help give you insight into causes of his behaviors as well as possible solutions.

We talked about the “Phenomenal Performance” of Michael Phelps.At that time, he had won 6 gold konya merkez escort medals. Four of those were world records. As I wrote this to you, be ended with 8 gold medals. Seven of them were world records. He has the “Perfect Storm” of training facilities, coaching, physical ability, nutrition, pool dimensions, swimwear and attitude.
I will focus on attitude, because that is the key to success in whatever we do. Without his absolute dedication and day in and day out effort, there would be no “Perfect Storm”. He might have had some success, but nothing like he has achieved.
The lesson for all of us is the importance of utilizing all the resources at our disposal to do our best. We may not receive the societal gold medals Michael Phelps has, but in our hearts we will know we did our best and give ourselves a good medal.

Standing up for yourself, not allowing yourself to become a victim and defending those who cannot defend themselves are all positive uses escort bayan mersin of anger. Historical figures like Jesus Christ, Mohandas Gandhi and Martin Luther King are good examples of this.
I mention this because so much of our work in our Anger Management Counseling Center is related to those who inappropriately use anger. It also is true in our society the focus is on the many negative aspects of anger.
When you feel you are being treated inappropriately, it is important to be angry and assert your rights and not allow yourself to be a victim. We teach other people how to treat us. It also is important to defend family and other loved ones from being taken advantage of or hurt by others.
On societal issues important to us to make our community, state, nation and world better, it is important to be angry and state the unfairness of the situation and try to change it as best we can.
In all cases, we must control anger and have it be our strength. That can only occur if we have it under control.
Please call if you have any questions, comments or feel we can help you or a loved one in our Anger Management Program.
We also have developed various materials on Anger and how to use it to our advantage. You can call us or see what we have on this website. Our latest Brownbag Freedom Kit on Anger is: “Tips To Control Anger”.

The combination of wealth, power and opportunity are often too much for even the best of people not to do wrong.When you add his own words, the description of himself as narcissistic, you can see why John Edwards had an mersin anamur escort bayanları affair while his wife has had cancer. Because of the grave illness of Elizabeth, her bravery in the face of it and her willingness to campaign for the failed presidential bid of her husband, his treatment of her is seen by most as quite horrible. Many of us have come to care for her and marvel at her courage in battling cancer.
At a positive level, let us hope he can learn from this and he, his wife and children can move on and overcome this. Wonderful things can spring from horrible situations with hard work, soul searching, tears and spiritual reconciliation.

If you have a dream, go for it! Dreams can only come true if you have them and try with your whole heart to achieve kocasinan bayan numaraları them. Too many people out of fear or a belief they cannot succeed live a life, even if successful to others, that is not satisfying. In the back of their minds they always wonder what might have happened. They often sadly think of how different they or their lives might be if only they had tried to make their dreams come true. Do not let this happen to you. Remember, even if your dream is not fulfilled, you tried and that will make you happier and give you great satisfaction. There is no shame in aiming for the stars and only reaching the moon. The important thing is you tried your best.
Wealth, status and power are things people often seek, but over the years I have known countless people in and away from my offices who are not happy and would greatly trade them for having had the opportunity to achieve and live out their dreams.

In my segment with “Ebling and You” on 7/15/08, among other topics, we discussed the problems of General Motors.The downsizing of General Motors continues to hurt people silifke eskort ilanları in Michigan. The day of high income automobile assembly jobs are going the same way as the horseshoer. People now need to know jobs are no longer for thirty years at one place with a follow up nice retirement. Ongoing and constant training and education are the only ways to prepare for your next job because one can expect to have many jobs in a lifetime. In these difficult and transitional times, many people need to find happiness separate from high income and material goods. A positive outcome for people in turmoil is personal reflection which can lead to greater spiritual growth and closer relationships with spouses, parents, family, children and friends. What can be more important than this? A key to happiness is turning a negative into a positive. Even though the positive is hard to see when someone is hurting and feeling there is little hope, we cannot give up and we must keep trying. Never forget that the sun always follows the storm.

Question
I have a temper problem.I usually can control myself, but bayan escort mersin sometimes I just plain lose it. It only seems to happen with people I love or am close to. I grew up in a home where I was yelled at and criticized all the time. I would get so angry and eventually feel so ashamed. I felt like a bad person and loser. Now I often distort what people I care for say, particularly my wife and children. I interpret what they say in a negative and demeaning way. How can I stop doing this? They walk on eggshells and are long past being tired of me and my unpredictable attitude and anger. I need to change. I’m really a good person. How can I change?
Answer
Dr. Braccio: You appear to often interpret what is said to you as if someone from your “difficult youth” were talking to you. In effect, you distort what is said and give negative meaning to what could even be a very positive statement. The result of the follow up blow ups is that people fear to talk to you, do not share their feelings, and the end result is poor communication and the sometimes hostile environment you do not desire. Your self-esteem, as well as those you attack, suffers horribly.
You need to closely monitor your reactions to what your family says. The following are some things you can do to work on “your anger problem” from a family resolution perspective:
1. When beginning to feel angry, pause and put your mind on something else. Remember that this anger is your choice. If it’s a bad choice, then select a more loving/caring choice to respond instead of reacting in anger.
2. Meet with your wife and children and say you love them unconditionally, feel bad you hurt them but often distort what they say in a way that you become angry. Also say you are going to change and want their support. They know this, but it is good to admit you are wrong and apologize. The first step in change is to acknowledge the problem, that you have done wrong, and will change.
3. Explain how you were always criticized and felt demeaned and then ashamed as a child and these feelings sometimes come back. Say how painful it is to relive these feelings. Emphasize you get angry over the past and not the present. This explanation does not excuse you or minimize the hurt your angry behaviors cause to them. The advantage is that there is understanding and a basis you all can work from.
4. Commit yourself to change and work at it very hard. Confronting your vulnerabilities and fears of rejection and disapproval will begin to defuse your anger bombs.
5. Meet periodically with your family for positive feelings and encouragement and discuss
how things are progressing. Open discussion can result in greater understanding by all of
you.
6. When monitoring your outlook on statements that begin to cause you anger, ask: How
am I perceiving that I am being shamed or demeaned? What possible negative motive could my wife or children have? Am I overreacting to the hurt I feel? Am I not accepting fair criticism or an honest disagreement? How am I taking care of myself in this situation? How am I loving and respecting others?
7. Spend three twenty minute periods per day visualizing what you want your behavior to become. Practice and role play in your mind how you would prefer to respond to situations with love and caring as opposed to reacting to them with anger and hostility. Practice these dialogues and role play with others until you have a new behavior pattern that works. Become the change you want!
8. Learn to “step out” of yourself when you begin to feel upset and observe what is happening and why you are choosing your reactions. When you make these observations in a non-blaming way towards yourself and others, then you have the opportunity to make better choices for improved behaviors.
It will be very hard work for you to make the changes you desire. The old tapes from dysfunctional periods of your life are very hard to overcome. Some people never do and make themselves and everyone close to them miserable. Do not let this control issue happen to you and your family. Awareness of this is the beginning of positive change. Remember, the past is gone and today brings new opportunities for loving choices.
If you find you are not able to control your inappropriate anger, you can seek out a therapist who is an expert in anger management. This may be the best approach.

Question
I found out my 13 year old son stole a video game from an acquaintance when I overheard him bragging to a friend about it.When I first silifke escort ilanları talked to him about it later, he tried to deny he took it. Then he admitted it when I told him how I found out and would call the boy to check it out myself. I’ve punished him for lying to me. I also told my son to return it and apologize for taking it. He chose to put it in the mailbox and say nothing. In defending himself, he said if he told the boy what happened it would hurt his reputation and word would get around that he was a thief. As I told him, this is not the first time he has done something like this. I also told him the last time I would not again cover for him. My parents have sided with him. He and they think I’m being unreasonable. What do you think? Should he talk to the boy and apologize as I told him to do?
Answer
Dr. Braccio: Your son needs to tell the person the truth. He took the video game, bragged to a friend about what he did, first lied to you, only admitted he took it when he had to, and then returned it only because he got caught. After all of that, he chose to defy you and not admit to the person he took it and apologize. This is not a positive sequence of attitudes and behaviors.
In addition to everything else, he does not show any remorse for his stealing and lying. That is as bad as the lying and stealing. He needs to make some fundamental changes in himself.
He need not tell the person you made him apologize. The important thing he must learn is that there are unpleasant consequences for stealing, lying, being defiant and not having remorse. Admitting his wrongdoing and apologizing will be very hard for your son; however, it is how change and potential personal growth can occur in him. He needs a positive dose of humility.
That you “covered for him” in the past was bad parenting. You must stop doing it now. To your credit, you are trying to do that now. You are teaching him that even though you gave in before, you will longer do that. You can tell him you were wrong and that it will not happen again.
Once you decided what he was to do and told him to do it, then he had to do it. Any negotiation on how to solve the problem was to be done prior to his defying you and trying to negotiate afterwards. This is totally unacceptable. It probably got to this point because you went along with his bad behavior in the past. Do not worry about what you have not done in the past. Take control of this current situation. I think in this case, to have him personally apologize for what he did is essential not just because it will help him, but because you told him to do it as part of your parenting. This will help you positively assert your role as parent.
The involvement of your parents is inappropriate and must end. You need to talk to them and do some “parenting” with them. They are not helping anyone in the family with their misguided support of your son’s totally inappropriate behavior.
You might consider an experienced therapist and/or pastor to help him better understand appropriate behavior. A therapist also might be helpful to you with his resistance to change and the unfortunate support of your parents.