June 11, 2024- It’s still amazes me how many adult children who have toxic parents are not aware of it. They will often complain about feeling overwhelmed by parents or feeling they can never meet their approval or that they feel that their needs come second to their parents or they feel they are always letting their parents down. Sometimes when they finally realize or are willing to admit they have toxic parents, they are somewhat in shock. They may know it, but they do not like to admit it. They have conditioned their lives to do what the toxic parent wants. Typical examples of the toxic parent would be they are narcissistic, they want control, they are critical of whatever you do, they lack boundaries, they play the victim, and you are in a situation where you can never get their approval. Because toxic parents know how to push your buttons, as they have created them over the years, it can be difficult to separate yourself from them and recognize you are not wrong when you have these feelings of never being able to satisfy a parent and having negative feelings about yourself. The things you need to do in order to free yourself from the control of the toxic parent, assuming your goal is not to sever the relationship completely but to keep it under control, would include the following: 1. Stop trying to do everything you can to make them happy. Accept you can never accomplish that. 2. Set boundaries of what you find are acceptable behaviors by your parents and enforce them. If they believe they can control you at any time of the day or night and demand you do things, now is the time to say that is not going to happen anymore. 3.Accept they are not going to change, but accept you can change. 4. Do not allow your parents to define who you are. That is your right and responsibility as an adult. 5. Your toxic parents will no longer be the judge and jury of your behaviors and what you are doing. 6. Recognize the manipulation they do and do not not allow it to occur. 7. Seeking out an experienced therapist may be helpful if you need support in altering a relationship with toxic parents… these may seem when reading them or hearing them to be simple things to do. They are not simple things to do. If they were, the person would recognize they have toxic parents and they would not allow them to control and manipulate them. Now is the time to take a look at the relationship you have with your toxic parents and determine how healthy the relationship is from an emotional perspective. If you feel it is not appropriate, and there is a major level of toxicity, now is the time to follow some of the suggestions I have mentioned and put things in a proper perspective. You are each an adult responsible for your own actions without all controlling toxic parents demanding they control yours.