Help Son Express Feelings of Anger
Question
Dr.Braccio: Our eight konya merkez escort year old son is having problems dealing with anger and frustration. He’s blowing up and sulking if he does not get his way or is stymied in something he wants to do. This is a relatively new problem. It does not happen all the time, but enough to cause us concern. He gets confused and blows up. We have backed off to some degree because he had to get angry to defend himself from a fifteen year old cousin who lived with us for four months during an illness of my sister and his mother. We weren’t aware that he was bullying him when we were not around until shortly before he left. Even though his cousin in gone, he now shows us the anger he developed as a defense while frustrated by his cousin when bullied. What should we do?
Answer
Sit down and talk to your son in a kind and reassuring way. Talk to him at a level he can understand. Tell him you feel bad his cousin bullied him and that he did not deserve it. He needs to know his reaction in the bullying situation is not acceptable now. He is old enough to understand this. Let him know you let him continue with these inappropriate behaviors because you felt bad about how he was treated but that is over. Let him know it is wrong for you as parents to not teach him appropriate reactions to problems and frustrating events. He also must know he cannot always have his own way. Perhaps it is appropriate for you to apologize for not being more aware of the situation that led to his experiences of being victimized by his cousin.
Even though you did not mention it, and hopefully this has already occurred, you need to make sure your son knows you have talked to his cousin and let him know he will not be welcome in your home if he again bullies your son. He also needs to apologize to your son for what he did. If he will not, then he can never return to your home until he does. I’m sure your sister, if she has not already, would help this to happen.
Your son needs to learn how to express his frustration in a healthy way. You may need to teach him to use words like frustrated, hurt, angry, etc. in statements to get his feelings out. You then can talk to him to get his feelings appropriately expressed and come up with strategies to help him adapt. These conversations need to occur when he feels calm and in control. It is then you can role-play or play-act scenarios to practice these preferred behaviors.
Also of tremendous importance is to adapt a very willing and open stance to accommodate his legitimate frustrations and feelings, allowing him room to understand that they are expressions of how he feels, but they do not make him an unworthy person of your love, security and positive regard. Separating his reactive feelings from his self-identify can help him understand his feelings and make better behavior choices. The key goal is for him to express his feelings in an appropriate and healthy manner.
Any questions or comments would be appreciated.
