Tag: Divorce

It is unfortunate how often spouses, even those who genuinely love each other, sabotage the dreams and goals of each other. Reasons would include the following: Wanting more control. Competition. Lack of security. Control over family finances. Wants more attention. Lack of trust. Dislike of roles and a desire to change them. Jealousy. Differing views on lifestyle. Anger. Inability to effectively problem solve. Getting even for perceived unfairness or disliked behavior. Deviousness. Dishonesty. Parenting differences. Strong disagreements on who controls specific aspects of the marriage. Disagreements on responsibilities. Friendships. Spirituality or lack thereof…The ability for spouses to be able to discuss these and other problem areas and eliminate them through a combination of honest soul searching, active listening, non-judgmental interaction, and genuine compromise in problem-solving mode is critical to success.

Dr John & Dave Akerly 8-18-20 HUGE DEPRESSION INCREASE CAUSED BY THE PANDEMIC One need not be a psychologist to see the emotional havoc caused by the pandemic in so many people we interact. The most current and immediate crisis aspect of the pandemic is how to educate our children at all levels ranging from pre-school to the university. Recent information from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention(CDC) is almost shocking even while seeing daily the fears so many Americans have as well as those around the world. The rates of symptoms for Depression have increased 400 percent from a year ago in responses to a survey. Not far behind is Anxiety with a 300 percent increase. In addition to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy(CBT) and appropriate medication,the following are some strategies to use to overcome Depression. 1.Notice the heroes who work every day to make our lives livable. 2.Think positive scenarios to stories/fantasies/thoughts that come to our mind. Be a positive storyteller to ourselves. 3.Reach out physically—safely —,visually or by phone to get human contact. We are social animals and need this. 4.Find ways to help others and not focus on self. Depression makes it hard to focus on anything outside of one’s own suffering. 5.Look for things to enjoy in the moment to overcome negative thoughts and feelings. 6.Get up and do something physically! Just taking a walk can be most helpful. Depression often leads to inactivity which is breeding ground for the negative symptoms of Depression that can overwhelm a person. 7.Develop psychologically supportive spirituality consistent with your beliefs.

A study from some years ago says 11-15% of divorces result in some form of parental alienation. Even if the numbers are smaller,anyone who has seen the severe psychological damage done to children when they experience parental alienation and/or when they are adults,the damage is clear. It is severe child abuse. Children want to love and be loved by both parents. It is confusing and psychologically damaging to the child when taught to hate a good parent while constantly hearing everything bad about him or her. This hatred can be extended to all friends and family members of the alienated parent. Such alienation can lead to self-contempt for being the child of someone so horrible. Depression,low self-esteem,anxiety,PTSD,future alienation from their own children,poor relationships,divorces,substance abuse/alcoholism,abandonment issues,unable to trust,unable to love,guilt-ridden,weak personal boundaries and long term inappropriate personal hated for a parent who may have been a loving parent…This is not a pretty picture. I have seen a lot of horrible parental alienation behavior to know all of us need to do whatever we can to not allow it to happen. The psychological devastation to the alienated children can carry on for generations with poor interactions with their children and partner relationships. School personnel,family members,judges,friends of the court,clergy,therapists and friends of the alienating parent can all try to help stop the alienating process. It is very difficult but we all can try with hopefully some success.

6-30-20 Dr John Braccio and Dave Akerly on 1320 AM WILS discuss HOW TO DEVELOP A STRONGER  RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF WHEN ALL YOU FIND ARE NEGATIVES

When thinking of building stronger relationships, we usually think of them pertaining to couples or maybe friendships, families, working persons, or groups of one type or another. That eliminates the arguably most important relationship one has: The one with yourself. The following are some suggestions that can be helpful: 1. STOP SHAMING YOURSELF WITH SENSELESS NEGATIVITY. 2. NOONE HAS DIED COMPLAINING THEY WERE TOO HAPPY AND POSITIVE IN LIFE. JOIN THIS GROUP FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. 3. STOP SELF-DESTRUCTIVE VIRTUE SIGNALING AND SELF-ABSORBED HATRED OF SELF THAT ONLY DESTROYS YOUR LIFE AND WILL PUSH POSITIVE AND HAPPY PEOPLE AWAY FROM YOU. 4. BE OPEN TO OPPORTUNITIES YOU HAVE AND BUILD ON THEM. 5. SEEK OUT OPPORTUNITIES AND DO NOT THROW THEM AWAY DUE TO SELF DEPREDATION OF ABILITY AND ABILITY. 6. DEDICATE PERIODS OF TIME IN DAYS TO APPRECIATE YOURSELF EVEN IN THE FACE OF FIERCE OPPOSITION FROM YOUR INNER CRITIC. 7. TREAT YOURSELF TO THE KINDNESS AND ACCEPTANCE YOU GIVE TO OTHERS IN SPITE OF THE HUMAN FLAWS THEY HAVE AS DO ALL HUMAN BEINGS. 8. RECOGNIZE HUMAN HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE YOU AND ONLY YOU CAN MAKE FOR YOURSELF. 9. SEEK PURPOSE IN YOUR LIFE THROUGH A RELIGIOUS OR SECULAR HUMANISTIC PERSPECTIVE