Tag: psychology of killers

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss THE EMOTIONAL TURMOIL OF THE PEOPLE PLEASER

    April 15, 2025- People pleasers are generally liked because they are so ready to bend to the will of others and agree to do things that they really do not want to do but feel they must do in order to be well liked and accepted. People pleasers are often very friendly and open. They often have problems saying no and are afraid to present their own views because they might offend someone. As a result, they are always agreeing with others. The classic problem of the people pleaser is that they will say yes to things that they have no business doing because of other responsibilities they have and will not be able to complete. They say yes because they do not want to offend someone and they feel that they need to do this in order to be liked. Trying to accommodate people and do things to be helpful are commendable characteristics. The problem occurs when you almost become invisible psychologically because your goal of pleasing others totally eliminates your views. This means if somebody has very strong views on religion, politics, the best color for a house, the best car or anything they may believe strongly, the people pleaser will find themselves agreeing with whatever opinion the person has. The problem is the people pleaser may have completely different views, but feel they should not say them. People pleasers also too often take blame if someone else is unhappy or having a difficult time and somehow come to the conclusion it is their responsibility to make them happy. People pleasers often grew up in an environment where they were fearful of consequences or emotional abuse if they had opinions different than their parents, guardians or persons with responsibility over them. It came to the point they would always go along with what was asked of them. The obvious problem is that people pleasers continue to have this attitude long after they are children and into adulthood. Poor self-esteem is the result when you are fearful of presenting your own views and you hide your own feelings so you will people please another person. Typical characteristics of people pleasers include going along with whatever other people are saying around you, agreeing to things you may not agree with it all, not being able to say no, being willing to accept the blame and apologizing for things that you are not at all responsible for, seeing your value as a person dependent on how others see you and changing your personality and outlook based on the person you are talking to. You can imagine how this can cause a problem if you get two people you have agreed with that have totally different views and you are now the third person in a discussion. Negative outcomes for the people pleaser include not caring for themselves emotionally, they tend to have low self-esteem because their self-esteem depends on how others see them, they can have tremendous resentment from the fact they find it impossible to present their own views, they in effect become psychologically invisible and they have an inner critic who is always telling them they are doing wrong unless they always say yes and do what other people desire. The following are things a person can do if they realize they are a frustrated people pleaser and want to change: 1. Recognize you have this outlook on life and decide to change it. 2. Develop positive affirmations about what a good person you are and how you are going to stand up for yourself. 3. Do cognitive restructuring where you replace negative thoughts with positive ones when they come into your mind. 4. Seek out close friends and family who recognize you have this problem and have them support you when you try to get your fair share in life and receive the predictable severe criticism that will come from people who have always taken you for granted . 5. Recognize that “no” is a legitimate word when you do not want to do something.. 6. Recognize your responsibilities are real and need to be taken into account in all decisions that you make. 7. Turn off the inner critic that is constantly saying negative things about you and have periods of time where you will begin to not allow negative statements in. You will see yourself as a goalie in hockey or a batter in baseball protecting the net or the home plate. 8. Seek out a trained therapist as you feel necessary who has experience in working with people pleasers and will try to be a support and give you insight into how you can change your outlook and behaviors…An important thing to be aware of is that being a caring and helpful person is a wonderful thing. It can allow you to have equal friendships and overall interactions with other persons. The goal is not to turn you into a selfish person who does not help others, but more to take into account your own needs and interactions with others where you will say how you feel, disagree and say no when you have no desire to do something or if it interferes with responsibilities that you must meet in your own life.

    Dr Braccio Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss THE JOYS OF BEING AVERAGE- SUBSCRIBE TO OUR YOUTUBE PAGE!

    April 8, 2025-We live in an age where being average is often seen as something negative and not to be sought. The goal of many people is to be the very best at what one does regardless of the psychological and physical impact on them by putting their total energy to this end. To become the CEO of the company, to become the top athlete in the chosen sport, to be the top student in the chosen field, to earn the most money of anyone they know, to have the biggest house, to have the most expensive car, to have the most attractive spouse/ partner, in a never-ending list of being the best and number one. Media of all types blare out the glory of being number one! Heartbreak and psychological devastation can be the result if one does not reach the pursued goal of being number one. My argument here is not for a person to not aim to be excellent and do the best they can do. No, there is nothing wrong with that if you can do it and maintain your mental and physical health along the way. Too many people in their striving for excellence, negatively impact their psychological development and even their physical development by blindly striving to be number one at something at all costs. They then can lose out on all the other activities that can be enjoyed in life if everything is lo pushed in the one direction of being excellent in one or even more areas. Again,the point here is not to have you strive for excellence, but to consider what can be done in life by being average and successful. Considering that most persons are average, there is nothing wrong with trying to find happiness and joy as an average person. The average person is the one who actually makes a country work. They work everywhere around us and make the world we live in function effectively. Everyone cannot be the CEO of the company or the greatest athlete on the team. Finding joy in being average can be the key to a happy life and is for millions of persons. The psychologically well balanced average person strives to be successful and goes about it by being a good student, a good citizen, a good partner, a good friend,a good worker and someone who can enjoy the bountiful opportunities in life by not becoming obsessed with learning everything about something, being the leader of the group or the number one person at something that often requires one to lose out on many other joyful things in life. The potential joys of being average would include having extensive time for hobbies and relationships, being free of unpleasant expectations, not being robbed of the joy and peace that can come from not trying to be number one, enjoying the road of life not perturbed by their own expectations or those of others for them, having a job that pays the bills and enjoying it, and not risking burnout and disillusionment by not being obsessed with being number one. A word to the wise is to learn being number one has high potential for job burnout, feelings of failure when not being number one and potentially not having solid relationships with friends, family, a significant other, and even children due to the obsessiveness of trying to be number one at sometimes everything and spending all their time to achieve that end. Take a look at your life and see if things would be better for you if you approach life from being a joyful and happy average person versus a constantly stressed out person striving and obsessed with being number one.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss AGORAPHOBIA WITH PANIC ATTACKS- Subscribe to our page!

    April 1, 2025- Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder that causes great discomfort with someone whenever they are in certain situations that cause them extreme anxiety. It generally ranges from such fears as being with persons, being in wide open spaces, driving in a car, standing in line, using public transportation, being in an elevator, being on a plane or many other situations where the person becomes very uncomfortable being around people or in certain anxiety producing situations. When you add panic attacks, which cause symptoms that a person can actually feel they are dying with a heart attack, it is evident that this is a very difficult situation to live with. A further complication is that some persons who have panic attacks often will go to the emergency room in the hospital because they actually believe they are dying. Typical symptoms of panic attacks include heart racing/palpitations, trembling, difficulty breathing, sweating, chest pain, shortness of breath and sometimes with the fear of dying. That is how severe the symptoms can be. Persons with agoraphobia also have many of the same symptoms of persons with social anxiety. Agoraphobia is a broader problem area because it can relate to almost any situation with or without persons. The unfortunate result of agoraphobia with panic attacks is that persons become afraid of being around other persons and can lose contact and become isolated. They also fear losing control in public or being around other persons. They may have feelings they are weird or strange and do not want to be around persons. When they do, the symptoms of panic attacks come back. They also will avoid many places where they have had difficult problems of the past such as a large or small store,a mall,an elevator, a certain seating in a car or an office or any possible situation that one can imagine. I personally have been amazed how many things can cause agoraphobia with panic attacks. This only leads to their world becoming more and more narrow. Comorbid conditions that exist with agoraphobia with panic attacks would include depression, social anxiety,OCD along with many physical symptoms that can come from having this intense emotional pressure from fears and panic attacks. In order for one to have the diagnosis, the characteristics need to have been in place for six months. Women tend to be diagnosed twice as often as men. Successful treatment usually includes some combination of medication,self help and mental health counseling that includes some aspects of cognitive behavioral therapy treatment and exposure therapy. The number of persons with agoraphobia with panic attacks are probably somewhere around 2,000,000 in the United States. While this number may not seem high, it does if you are one of the persons with this condition. You know how debilitating and difficult this can be from both a physical and emotional perspective.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss MANAGING CHILDREN FAMILY INTERACTIONS AFTER DIVORCE

    November 19, 2024- While it is true that many persons are happy and relieved to be divorced when the love and caring have ended with their spouse or partner. With that said, often forgotten in the equation are the children and their future relationships not only with both parents but with important and loved family members. Divorced parents need to never forget they divorced each other but the children have not divorced anyone and want a loving relationship with all family members. Partners who put the needs of their children ahead of themselves work together to make sure the children are able to have good loving relationships with both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and other extended members of the family. Partners that do not do this too often do it out of anger at the ex, and use it as a form of punishment for them. When this occurs, the feelings and any trauma and sadness the children are experiencing due to the divorce is not being considered, and that is very inappropriate. In a divorce, part of the process needs to be not just how to settle their legal affairs but also what will happen to the children. The following are things couples need to do to best help the children adapt to the divorce and allow all family members the opportunity to give love and receive love from the children: 1. Accept your marriage did not work and is going to end. 2. Make every effort to try to at least get along with each other for the sake of the children. This may initially be very difficult, at least during the initial period of the divorce because of raw nerves and possible feelings of abandonment, betrayal and poor treatment. 3. Even if you have these bad feelings, it is important to try to get over them to the level you realize your children belong to both of you and it is best that they have loving and caring relatives that are available and desire to have a good relationship with them. 4. What is mentally healthy interaction with the two families needs to be worked out with appropriate rules and boundaries that are set up and everyone agrees. 5.I firmly believe each parent in the divorce needs to do all they can do to make the children’s lives be as stable as possible. This is certainly helped by allowing them to have all the love, affection and caring they can have from grandparents and other members of the extended family. 6. If the two of you find your anger and hurt are so strong you cannot effectively interact with each other and reset interactions your children have with your ex- partners’ family members, this is a time to recognize this is inappropriate behavior. 7. Seek the support of a therapist experienced in divorce and the aftermath trauma and anger who can help find ways to allow healthy interactions with the family members of the ex-spouse could be very helpful to both you and your children…The ability of children of divorce to have good relationships with families of both spouses is clearly a major area of concern in divorces that too often is not discussed before and after divorce or relationship breakup. For emphasis, we need to make sure our children have the opportunity to interact with all family members with the goal of having them be able to love who they choose to love and be loved by important family people in their lives.

    Dr. Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss WHEN IT IS RIGHT TO FEEL BAD ABOUT YOUR BEHAVIORS

    October 22, 2024-

    When it is right to feel bad about your behaviors

    For those of you who know me or have followed my podcasts and writings over the years, you will know I strongly am opposed to persons having inappropriate guilt in the sense that it totally destroys a person’s ability to live effectively in the present, and thus there is no future. On the other hand, I strongly believe that if a person has behaved poorly to someone or a group, then it is the right thing to have legitimate

    guilt, to accept responsibility, feel badly and make amends as best we can. If someone has done wrong, then feeling bad is appropriate. In this age of of what I call “feel gooditis”,people too often do not want to accept responsibility and would prefer to just overlook inappropriate behaviors,minimize them and let them go. It is important to deal with our feelings after we recognize that we behaved inappropriately and work this out in our mind that we are not going to do it again. it is often overlooked that when we do something inappropriate that we ought to feel bad about it and even more important than that, we must try to resolve the problem and let the person or group know we feel bad about what we did. it also is very important to not endlessly ruminate about these behaviors and cause ongoing negative guilt and even depression and poor self-esteem. The purpose is not to allow our inner critic to beat us up every day and ruin it. No,the goal is to honestly reflect on our inappropriate behaviors and try to understand why we did them and determine to not do them again. Obvious examples would be hurting someone’s feelings, lying , stealing, cheating others, slandering persons and their reputations, being dishonest and dishonorable in a relationship, putting people down with the goal of helping yourself or making yourself feel more powerful, and slowing down the progress of others for fear they will compete with us or we enjoy them in a subservient position. Something important not to overlook when we try to make things right is not to end up gaslighting the person and not being totally honest about how inappropriate our behaviors were when admitting that our intentions were not good. To be honest with yourself and the other person is critical to our making changes to self as we improve our character. It also is true that we may have hurt someone inappropriately but had no intention of doing it. Then it is worthwhile to indicate we feel bad for what happened, but had no intentions of doing it. When we do this, we do run the risk of the person not being willing to accept our honest apology. That is a risk we must take and something that needs to be done to in effect right the ship of our sense of right and wrong. Advice succinctly stated would be when making right when we have behaved inappropriately would include accepting the behavior was inappropriate,having appropriate guilt, determining not to do it again and making amends for what was done as best as possible. This is how to deal with appropriate guilt.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss HOW TO GAIN PERSPECTIVE IN YOUR LIFE

    September 17, 2024- Having perspective on life as we live it is critical for our happiness. Many persons are overwhelmed with life as it occurs and never feel in control as they see it coming at them in a hundred different directions at a hundred miles an hour. The result is they cannot keep pace with their lives which produces anxiety and often depression. Simply defined, perspective is a way to look at your life to be able to cope with it and recognize our attitude has a lot to do with the level of happiness we will experience in our one time trip through it. We must learn how to deal with what life dishes up and cope with it to be as happy as possible. A person with a strong sense of spirituality often has perspective from the fact they realize they are leading a life that will end with eternity if their behaviors are consistent with their beliefs. For example, a Christian who believes in Christ has a roadmap to joyous eternity. Other religions offer similar beliefs. Secular humanists gain perspective by trying to figure out why they are on earth and what is their purpose. Many have the perspective that their purpose is to make the world a better place than the one they came into. Others gain perspective from failure.They are able to use it as a starting point and not an ending point for how their lives will proceed. As I have often stated before, great success can only be achieved when one has learned from failure how to be successful. Perspective also can be gained from the loss of loved ones who we had counted on during our lives. This would include parents, grandparents, mentors, or friends we have fortunately encountered along the road of life. Perspective can also come when we have gratitude for the period we had to share with these persons as we try to live consistent with the advice they gave us when they were alive and with us. Perspective can also be gained when a person tries in their mind to understand what advice these deceased significant persons would be giving them now with the problems and struggles in life that occur as they walk their road of life. Gratitude also gives perspective when one realizes how other persons have harder lives but live their lives with a positive attitude. When all is said and done,one’s perspective on life has much to do with whether a person will have a happy or unhappy life. Choosing a happy life is my advice!

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss ADOLESCENT SCHOOL MASS MURDERERS

    September 6, 2024- Dr Braccio & Mike Austin discuss the recent school shooting in Georgia.