August 25, 2026-
We live in an age when 40% of divorces in the United States are with persons 50 years old and
older. Common reasons for this would include persons living longer, people not living happily
day-to-day together after children leave and retirement, and persons just deciding they do not
love each other and want to spend their last maybe 20-40 years away from that person.
Whatever the reason, divorces are extremely high in this age group. A not surprising outcome is that there are many “gray marriages” where persons are marrying usually at least for the second time at 50 years or older. Common reasons for marrying at 50 are similar to marrying at an earlier time and would include someone loving them, them loving someone, affection and
intimacy, financial security, emotional security, companionship, mutual personal growth, and
enjoying sharing a life with someone on a daily basis. Concerns not always thought about but
critical to having a successful “gray marriage” would include a prenuptial agreement to eliminate potential anger and frustration with each other and family members, open awareness of the financial situation of each person prior to the marriage, honest discussion about how each will look after one or the other if health collapses and there is a need for care, estate planning, a mutually trusted family member or corporate trustee to manage the estate when death occurs, and full involvement of all members of what will become a blended family. It amazes me how many people I have personally known who have entered a “gray marriage” and ended up having major conflicts with their children, children of their spouse, and problems after their death because things were not planned and everyone ends up mad at each other and too often there is a breakdown for life with members of the family who are left behind when the person dies. Love and companionship can be critical for someone at any age, but a “gray marriage” requires a lot of planning other than wanting love and companionship, and not taking into account the many problems that can occur without good planning and communication with all involved persons can turn your “gray marriage” into a nightmare for you and everyone else involved. I cannot too strongly suggest that persons considering a “gray marriage” do a lot of planning prior to their marriage other than the critical elements of loving each other and wanting companionship.

August 18, 2026-
We have talked in the past about how there is often an assumption that people who are not around people are unhappy and will have poor mental health often with anxiety, depression, social anxiety and other conditions negatively impacting their mental health. That may be true for some people, but it is not true for everyone. I am saying this as someone who has always advocated for people developing friendships with people and stating that as human beings we generally need to be around other people on a regular basis and develop strong relationships with them. With that said, there are many persons who are quite happy with good mental health spending most of their time with themselves. Even a few enjoy a life with themselves with few if any close personal relationships. It is not good mental health when a person wants relationships with other people and is generally alone because they believe people do not like them, they are always saying things that cause problems, people have hurt them emotionally, they are fearful of meeting new people, and they have generally poor self-esteem that makes it hard for them to interact with others and develop close human relationships. In these circumstances, a lack of personal relationships is negative and can be quite destructive to a person’s mental health. Positive mental health can be the result when a person does not have many social interactions for many reasons that would include enjoying seeking better insight into themselves, being creative, regulating their moods, self acceptance, enjoying self with no interruptions, implementing difficult tasks, not relying on others, defining who they are and not others, developing greater spirituality, and enjoying time to have their mind fly in any direction they desire. I remember reading a biography of Winston Churchill, the great British Prime Minister during World War II, saying that even during the periods of time he was out of power and depressed that he was never bored because he had Winston Churchill to talk to! When I read that some years ago, I found that interesting. The more I have thought about it and have known persons who enjoy their own company, I have been able to make some sense out of it and see that it is accurate for some persons. My point here is not to suggest that persons who love being with other persons in close relationships are unhappy. No,but it is also true many persons in many close relationships often worry about how they are seen in these relationships and often desire their approval as part of the process. It also is true there are persons who do not desire a lot of time with other persons but interact with persons and may have friends and family they have a close connection. The point is that they do not need close ongoing relationships and they control the interactions they have with others.

08-04-2026
Toxic persons are those persons who try to diminish you, gaslight you, fight with you and
generally do whatever they can to make you feel bad about yourself. It continues to surprise me in my work as a longtime psychologist and also as a person meeting people as I walk the road of life how many people have toxic people in their lives that they stay connected to that they say they wish were not in their lives. When I ask them the obvious question as to why they continue to maintain the relationships, they sometimes seem surprised I would ask it. They then often say they cannot end it because they could be spouses, partners,family members, friends of friends, neighbors, church members or whoever else. When they honestly discuss their toxic relationship, they admit how much happier they would be if they were no longer in their lives or if they would just change. They also admit that the person most likely will not change because that is just the way they are and they have refused to change over and over again over the years in spite of the emotional pain they know they cause. Once the person realizes that the person is not going to change and they determine to detach the toxic person from their life, regardless of who it is, then positive mental health progress and healing can occur for the abused person. In some cases, this is very hard to do and persons may even decide to continue at least for now to maintain the relationship for one reason or another. Regardless of what you do, it is important in all your relationships to have boundaries, focus on self care as an absolute priority, focus on self-worth improvement, demand mutual respect, do not allow anyone but yourself to define who you are, and keep track of how you are doing in all relationships once your toxic relationship has ended. Once it is clear that you are with a toxic person in your life who is weighing on you emotionally and certainly impacting self-esteem and problems with anger, my general experience has been when you have had a long-term relationship with someone who is toxic to you and you have attempted to change things over time and they do not change, that you then need to detach yourself from the toxic person from your life. I am fully committed to making a marriage work and having relationships with parents and friends. With that said, I also realize that some relationships become so toxic that they are totally destructive to the person and it is best they determine to detach that person from their lives. When someone decides to do this, they generally will need friends who they can count on to support them, maybe a pastor or priest, and potentially a therapist experienced with helping persons deal with extracting toxic persons from their lives. Even if it is very difficult, the emotional self-esteem rewards when detaching the toxic person from your life will greatly outweigh the difficulties.