September 15, 2026- This is a problem I have periodically encountered in my work and while walking the road of life over the years, but it is not a potential problem area openly discussed when people think of getting married. Personally, my father was 19 years older than my mother and they got along fine during their whole marriage. I am over six years older than my wife and we have been married over 51 years. I also am aware of many persons with large age gaps who get along fine. With that said, I also have known couples who have had problems because of age differences. Somewhat extreme examples of large age gaps between couples very notable at this time in our society would be the relationship between Coach Bill Belichick and his 49 year age gap from his significant other, Jordan Hudson. In addition, there is a 32 year age gap between President Trump‘s recently departed press secretary, Carolyn Levitt, and her husband, Nicholas Riccio. Such age differences are extreme, and we will be talking more about potential problems with age differences of seven years and more. One obvious one with many years difference would be where expectations are very different from one generation to another. For example, the older spouse might have very definite expectations for not only the spouse, but what is expected in the behavior and attitudes of children. There also can be differences in emotional maturity if an older person marries a significantly younger person say of 10 years or more where what would be defined as fun and leisure activities could be quite different. There also can be a power imbalance if the older spouse has significantly more education and income, and uses these in a negative way to control the relationship as one person can feel very much the minor partner and not able to be an equal. There also can be social stigma where people see the large age gap as inappropriate and this can lead to problems in relationships where other couples and other persons have no desire to be around a couple where a person is significantly older. The person may not fit into the social landscape and this could lead to relationship problems for both persons. It also is true in our society that it is more acceptable for a man to be significantly older in a relationship than it is for a woman. I believe this is changing at this time, but it is noted and noticed if a woman is significantly older than her spouse. Another key factor not thought about when persons first fall in love with a significant age gap is the emotional and physical drain it can have on the spouse who may end up having to look after an aging spouse whose health deteriorates and requires constant care by the younger spouse. This could be particularly true in age gap differences of say 15 to 20 years. For example, persons that marry when one partner is 40 and the other is 20 end up being 80 and 60 after 40 years of marriage. Another area of concern would be retirement. The much older partner may desire to retire at 55 while the spouse who is say 40 has no desire to retire. In addition to that, they may not be in a situation where the person can retire or quit working because of financial needs. With all that I have said here, it is important to know that love sent from the arrow of Cupid does not always take age into account when persons fall in love. An important result is that many couples with many year age gap differences between them do fine. What we are talking about here today are potential problems that can occur in such situations.

September 9, 2026- Suicide ideation is when a person is considering ending their life that can result in death if not
recognized and controlled. It can occur in a person from any background and in persons both
young and old. Females have suicide ideation at a higher percentage than males but males at a higher percentage commit actual suicide. It occurs typically with persons with chronic physical illness and mental health conditions such as depression, severe anxiety, PTSD, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, and schizophrenia. Prior suicide attempts also are common with persons with suicide ideation. Manifestations can range from periodic suicidal thoughts to suicidal thoughts with very specific ways to kill themselves such as with a gun, pills/medications, poison, hanging, asphyxiation, cutting veins or jumping off a building or cliff. Treatment includes risk assessment and interventions to ensure safety in life preservation. This can include therapy, medication and impatient hospitalization. Persons seeking support having strong suicidal feelings that they may act on can call 911, go to the local hospital emergency room or call or text 988 which is the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. This is a free 24/7 service. Sadly, many of us know persons who have committed suicide we had no idea they were suicidal when it occurred. This is why it is important that we try to make ourselves available to talk to people we care for if we may have any idea they are in poor mental health and considering suicide. They could help stop those having suicide ideation leading to an actual suicide. Suicide ideation is something to take seriously when you consider there were 48,824 deaths by suicide that occurred in the last year we have data in 2024. In 2025, 51% of youth under 18 reported frequent suicide ideation. Typical feelings persons have who commit suicide include hopelessness, shame, loaded with guilt, belief they have no other choice, believing they are a burden to others and the world would be better without them. They often have severe physical and mental pain. Things to look for if you have concerns for a loved one having suicide ideation would be buying a gun or weapon of any kind, talking of the futility of their life, making in effect final calls to friends and family, saying things that could relate to their considering suicide, drinking too much alcohol or abusing other drugs, and sometimes a final calmness out of character with how they have been behaving Indicating they have finally made the decision to advance suicide ideation to actual suicide.

09-01-2026-
For purposes here we will generally be talking about a boy aged 12 to 18 whose father dies,
give or take a year or two. While it is extremely difficult for someone to lose a parent at any time, our focus is on adolescent boys losing their fathers. The outcomes are often very tragic as highly elevated levels of anxiety, depression, PTSD and anger are too often common. When an adolescent boy loses a father, they have to deal with so many things going on at the same time. They lose stability in their emotional and social life and often have problems in their academic life. A good father provides such things as stability, good modeling, security, financial security, love, affection, status and direction in the life of a growing adolescent male. When this occurs, there is a need for the mother, family members, teachers and friends to recognize what is occurring and try to be as supportive as possible. In spite of the pressure on the mother, it is important she not expect the grieving son to take on the role of a father, help raise the children, be her primary emotional support and not behave like they are not going through an exceptionally difficult emotional time. Without some intervention by the mother and other persons brought in, unhealthy coping mechanisms would include severe anger, irritability, alcohol and other substance abuse, not wanting to talk to friends and other persons, academic decline, and risk taking activities to eliminate some of the numbing and painful experiences being experienced emotionally. It also is possible the grieving son can mask emotions and take on the role of a parent, which is very inappropriate for them at their age. Something important for the grieving mother to do is be as supportive of the son as much as she can. This is very difficult because she is mourning the loss of her beloved husband. As possible, it is important for the mother to make available other good male figures to help the son in these difficult times. It can include grandparents, adult older brothers, uncles, teachers, coaches and neighbors to be helpful. The intervention of a counselor familiar with grieving adolescent boys who have lost their fathers can be very helpful. It is important everyone involved make sure they are understanding what the son is feeling and saying and not judging them. They need to know that to feel horrible and even have some feelings of abandonment and inappropriate guilt are natural. The mother and helping persons must show patience as the son may be irritable and angry that can lead to difficult interactions. They also must give assurance that their feelings are appropriate and that the main thing is to try to work through them and move forward in a mentally healthy manner. A sense of spirituality can also be helpful with the introduction of a priest, pastor or someone else involved from the church who can work with sons of deceased fathers going through very difficult grieving situations. It is essential he knows he is not alone and that there are people willing to help him. This can become a life-threatening crisis if there is suicide ideation and the son is talking about wanting to see their father again and feeling death is the only way out. Something very important to do for the mother and other persons involved is let them talk about their deceased father and all the nice experiences they had together. The point is not to have the person close out memories on someone as important as their deceased father in their lives. No, the point is to try to have them keep these memories in place now so the father does not fully die in their mind and knowing he would want them to follow the advice they had given them over the years. This can be positive to the self-esteem of the son as they now move forward in the world without their father physically, but always remembering and following the advice and modeling they offered out of love. Their fathers must never die in their loving memories.