09-22-2026-
It is very difficult for a person when they try medication and counseling to overcome negativity and depression and the negativity wins out, and they find themselves constantly finding the negative in life. When this occurs, it is important the person look at their life and decide that there is definitely a need to change their whole outlook and approach to life. One way to look at this is called “stinking thinking” or constantly finding negativity in whatever happens. After hitting a home run and winning the game, the person is depressed and negative because the home run barely went over the fence and did not go far enough. Find 100 examples like this and you get the point. While it seems it would be easy for a person to simply not think negatively and look at things positively, it is a very difficult thing to do when a person spends a lifetime finding negativity regardless of what happens to them. This is particularly sad when one realizes that life is a one time shot and one’s attitude has so much to do on whether they have a negative or positive life experience. If you find yourself in this situation, things to do to overcome it would include cognitive restructuring, which is replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts, daily exercising, good physical hygiene, a good balanced diet, spending time away from all the electronic disturbances, including the phone, spending time in nature and simply trying to take in life without a lot of thinking other than experiencing it without the negative thoughts constantly coming into the mind, and consistent sleep habits. Add a positive mantra every time unreasonable negative thoughts come into your mind. A good mantra would be, “I am done thinking negativity and will replace each negative thought with a positive one.” If this were a simple thing to do, then there would not be so many people who find negativity as a major part of them that they cannot get rid of and results in an unhappy life. For emphasis, this is the only life they have on earth. Why waste such a precious thing as your life with negativity and depression? The first thing to do is look at yourself and ask how unhappy you are with your negative approach to life? You then need to honestly say you are not happy and this negativity is psychologically kicking you in the butt. You then need a plan to combat negativity with positivity and implement it. It is realistic to accept that bad things will happen to us in life because life is never just lollipops and ice cream. With that said, life is far more bearable when a person can enjoy and appreciate the good times and does whatever they can to overcome
negativity and depression in the bad times with an approach that it will end and do the best they can to overcome it with a positive outlook for the future.

October 6, 2026- It has always been fascinating to me over the years that people who treat strangers with total regard and respect and purposely would never do anything to offend them can hurt those they love the most. It is not often due to a lack of love, but due to the things that occur when people love each other. For example, in an interaction with a stranger, we do not have particular expectations for them nor do we see ourselves in a role to say exactly what is truly in our heart or try to respond to a person who we really do not know well that could be hurtful. However, in relationships with partners, spouses, close friends, family, and children, things can be quite different and often are. Typical reasons the persons can be hurtful to someone they love would include honestly trying to be helpful in someway, trying to resolve differences that are impacting the relationship, relieving stress and maybe saying things that are hurtful by transferring frustration with someone else to someone you love and care for, the result of a number of small things that have grown to be a major concern in the relationship, feeling acceptance by the person to the level they can mention concerns and feelings they would not mention to a stranger that come directly from the heart, self-sabotaging when a person is questioning if the person really loves them and maybe is giving the person every opportunity to leave them, unreasonable expectations that the person has for the person they love that they never would have for a stranger, addressing areas of disagreement that need to be resolved, even if they are hurtful to the other person, a safe environment where one can let out anything they are thinking, and knowing that even if there is hurt that they will be loved and cared for regardless, trying to take control of the situation where a person feels that boundaries have been broken, and they have lost a sense of fairness in the relationship, boundary testing which happens in all relationships where persons are sorting out what are acceptable and unacceptable behaviors within the relationship and unrealistic expectations where the person they love is expected to behave in ways not reasonable. Typical situations would be parents demanding excellence from their children in sports and academics that might be beyond their capabilities or desires, and this could lead to frustration and anger for all involved. A spouse could be a person with poor self-esteem who feels they are not worthy of the person. They then consciously or unconsciously sabotage the relationship to prove this. There also are going to regularly be areas of disagreement with persons who are intimate that need to be talked out and resolved. Things as basic as what home to buy, what school district to be in, whether to send children to Catholic or other private schools, how much money to save for the future and a number of other things that can lead to disagreements that hurt on either or both sides. It also is a safe environment where a person feels they can at times be unreasonable. The person at times can say things that may be hurtful because of frustration in other parts of their life and they know that they still will be loved and cared for even after concerns are talked about and they realize that it was inappropriate behavior within what was seen as a safe environment. Boundary testing is when partners sort out exactly what is acceptable in the relationship. It may not be on extreme things, but both persons have needs for certain levels of freedom that they can count on in a loving and caring relationship. When this is not worked out, there can be power plays by either or both persons that eventually can kill and destroy the relationship if not resolved. Another potential area of concern would be unrealistic expectations where a person sees someone as perfect or ideal. This does not work out on earth and such expectations can lead to conflict where a person is actually demanding and expecting certain levels of performance and behavior beyond the ability of the person and will only lead to conflict because perfect is not going to occur. It also can happen that the behaviors desired are not desired by the partner. This leads to even more conflict because the expectations that each person has are not consistent with the expectations of the other.

September 15, 2026- This is a problem I have periodically encountered in my work and while walking the road of life over the years, but it is not a potential problem area openly discussed when people think of getting married. Personally, my father was 19 years older than my mother and they got along fine during their whole marriage. I am over six years older than my wife and we have been married over 51 years. I also am aware of many persons with large age gaps who get along fine. With that said, I also have known couples who have had problems because of age differences. Somewhat extreme examples of large age gaps between couples very notable at this time in our society would be the relationship between Coach Bill Belichick and his 49 year age gap from his significant other, Jordan Hudson. In addition, there is a 32 year age gap between President Trump‘s recently departed press secretary, Carolyn Levitt, and her husband, Nicholas Riccio. Such age differences are extreme, and we will be talking more about potential problems with age differences of seven years and more. One obvious one with many years difference would be where expectations are very different from one generation to another. For example, the older spouse might have very definite expectations for not only the spouse, but what is expected in the behavior and attitudes of children. There also can be differences in emotional maturity if an older person marries a significantly younger person say of 10 years or more where what would be defined as fun and leisure activities could be quite different. There also can be a power imbalance if the older spouse has significantly more education and income, and uses these in a negative way to control the relationship as one person can feel very much the minor partner and not able to be an equal. There also can be social stigma where people see the large age gap as inappropriate and this can lead to problems in relationships where other couples and other persons have no desire to be around a couple where a person is significantly older. The person may not fit into the social landscape and this could lead to relationship problems for both persons. It also is true in our society that it is more acceptable for a man to be significantly older in a relationship than it is for a woman. I believe this is changing at this time, but it is noted and noticed if a woman is significantly older than her spouse. Another key factor not thought about when persons first fall in love with a significant age gap is the emotional and physical drain it can have on the spouse who may end up having to look after an aging spouse whose health deteriorates and requires constant care by the younger spouse. This could be particularly true in age gap differences of say 15 to 20 years. For example, persons that marry when one partner is 40 and the other is 20 end up being 80 and 60 after 40 years of marriage. Another area of concern would be retirement. The much older partner may desire to retire at 55 while the spouse who is say 40 has no desire to retire. In addition to that, they may not be in a situation where the person can retire or quit working because of financial needs. With all that I have said here, it is important to know that love sent from the arrow of Cupid does not always take age into account when persons fall in love. An important result is that many couples with many year age gap differences between them do fine. What we are talking about here today are potential problems that can occur in such situations.