Dr.Braccio Talks With Richard Herl, News Director of WILS, 1320 kocasinan escort a.m. in Lansing on 2/10/15 about how to lead and be a leader when not the manager. They also discuss how not to alienate the manager or co-workers as you offer support and leadership modeling to those around you.

Dr.Braccio Talks With Tony Conley silifke eskort numaraları of the Tony Conley Radio Show on 1320 a.m., WILS, in Lansing on 2/3/15.  My oh my, how time flies!  It is hard to believe five years of weekly segments are coming to an end. It is a bittersweet event. I am happy for Tony but will miss the segments. He has offered a great service to the community over the years with his superb program. We have talked about so many topics over the years. Included were PSYCHOPATHS/ SOCIOPATHS, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, PTSD, ADHD, BIPOLAR DISORDER, AUTISM, MASS MURDERERS, TERRORISM, SATIRE and MAJOR PERSONALTIES OF THE DAY. We also have discussed MSU SPORTS COACHES AND PLAYERS FROM MANY PERSPECTIVES. In our last segment together, we discussed the importance of being positive and seeking out the good in life. The power of family love with a spiritual or moral base can be so helpful to individuals in these troubling times.

Dr.Braccio Talks With Tony Conley of the mersineskort Tony Conley Radio Show on 1320 a.m., WILS, in Lansing on 1/27/15 about how to best cope when in difficult situations like the snow storms hitting the New York and New England areas. They also discuss how we can best help our children cope with difficulties in life.
 

Question

Dr.Braccio:  My husband konya merkez genç kızlar and I are very different. We love each other and make a good couple. With the children, I’m the warm and fuzzy one and he’s cool and quite critical. We thought this was okay until our shy eight year old began crying and acting uncomfortable at home whenever he was around. This made him be more sarcastic and critical of her. My in-laws met with us and said she’s afraid of her father and hates the way he always finds fault with her. They said she’s afraid to talk to him. He became cool and even sarcastic when he heard this and said she needs to learn to take criticism like her brother and sister. I’m concerned. He’s hurt but showing anger. Is there a problem or do you think it will all blow over? What can we do?

Answer

It is a problem that needs to be worked on. It will not “blow over”. She does not respond to his “cool and quite critical” ways. It also is not reasonable to expect her too. This is particularly true with her being shy and apparently not able to defend herself against him. Her shyness could be a defense against him and a symptom of low self-esteem.

That the other two children deal with his ways is no reason to expect that of her. It also is probably true they may pick up his negative reinforcement methods and hurt others. He also may be hurting their self-esteem. You will never know because they would not want to feel his anger and sarcasm. In a few words, his methods are not good for him or anyone else.

I would agree that children need reasonable limits and definitely known consequences when not doing what is expected of them; however, I would argue this is best done with a loving yet firm approach.

You and your husband need to sit down and honestly discuss how to best help your daughter. The current methods do not work and are hurting her self-esteem. This will be difficult. He, like most adults, is set in his ways. He also believes he has been successful in his marriage and generally with his parenting. For him to now change will require a critical view of himself and what needs to be done to be a more effective person and parent. You also need to change and make sure each of you is doing all you can to be loving and effective parents. Allowing the “bad cop” to go unchecked while in your role as the “good cop” has helped create the problem. This is said knowing both of you are trying to be effective parents.

You also may need to look at your role with your husband and see if you have been damaged emotionally. It would be rare that a cool, critical and sarcastic person would not harm someone who is emotionally and physically close.

A highly experienced and diplomatic therapist may be what both of you need in order to make changes in the home more “emotionally secure” for all family members. In the immediate present, your daughter needs love and support from both of you. She is hurting and needs her mom and dad to offer her unconditional love.

As a final bit of advice, focus on the present and future and not dwell on the past except as a learning tool.

Question

Dr.Braccio: I was in a relationship for 13 years (never married) and lived with this man the entire time with mersin esc our daughter. My daughter and I moved out six months ago after I learned he was still cheating on me. I forgave him the first time it happened four years ago. Then found out he was with the same woman and left him. Needless to say it was not a pleasant relationship. He was abusive, controlling, intimidating and he also refused to work. To make a long story short, I am afraid that he is trying to be as controlling and intimidating to our daughter. He makes her feel guilty when things do not go his way and even tells her that he doesn’t want to call her or see her anymore and that he doesn’t have a daughter anymore. He also says things like your new daddy will take care of you (I do not have a boyfriend nor am I seeing anybody). At times he has my daughter in tears. Then in a few days he tells her he loves her and that he is sorry. I feel hurt for my daughter that he is putting her through this. What can I say to him to make him understand that he is treating her like he treated me and get him to understand that it is not right of him to do? I want him to stop playing head games with her. Please help.

Answer

The situation of your daughter that you present is horrible and one that has destroyed and is destroying the lives of countless children. That the resulting self-esteem problems can last for a lifetime and by example be passed down to the next generation shows the need to stop the emotional damage being done to her as soon as possible.

Sadly, I do not believe you can convince him of the need to treat your daughter differently. He is simply treating her like he treated you. With that said, continue to defend her and strongly voice your concerns to the father. This will model appropriate assertiveness that hopefully she will use herself with him and as needed in her future relationships with other persons.

The problem is that it is very late to change the pattern. Because she grew up watching him abuse you emotionally, she appears to have most likely taken on a similar role. Even if this is true, focus on what you can do now rather than ruining the present as you condemn the effects of the past on your daughter today.

That you were able to finally escape this emotionally destructive person is a tribute to you and a great example of positive modeling for your daughter.

Because he is the father, and apparently has great influence over her feelings, as he did with you, it will be very difficult and most likely a long term project for her to strengthen to the point he is not an emotionally destructive force in her life. It is critical for her present and future mental health that she do this.

Mind games, conditional love, and demeaning names, gestures, attitudes, etc. that are harmful to her self-esteem must not be tolerated.

You can begin by telling your daughter what are acceptable and unacceptable behaviors toward her by her father and others. Use yourself as an example of what not to do. You can explain to her the process you went through that led you from being abused to setting yourself free.

Try to seek out friends that model human respect. Male role models could be particularly useful as a counterbalance to her father. Church and community activities could help make such persons available to both of you.

A counselor experienced in the abusive type of relationship your daughter has with her father could be very helpful if the situation does not improve.

Dr.Braccio and Tony Conley discuss appropriate smart phone protocol in mersin escort bayan meetings. They also discuss how persons can have great success in life even if their skill sets are less than others.

Question

Dr.Braccio: My husband and I do not konya merkez bayan arkadaş deal with anger well. When I’m mad and hurt, he knows about it right away. I yell louder and louder and nag him to get my point across and get a reaction from him. This never works. He pretends like he’s going along with me but I know better. With him, I never know how he feels until he explodes over the smallest of things. We have a young child and both worry he’ll not be helped by our anger problems. For his sake and our sake, we want to end this anger nonsense. We love each other but we’re confused about how to resolve this problem. He said he tries to get along and doesn’t like to argue. But things build in him and he can’t contain how he feels. What do you think we should do?

Answer

The positive thing is that you love each other and want to resolve the anger problems. The negative thing is that each of your approaches to anger is often destructive to the relationship. The end result is not only anger and hurt, but love can also go if you do not find effective ways to express and resolve your anger and what causes it.

It appears your anger either intimidates him, turns him off or confuses him to the point he does not know how to respond. The problem is that his anger gradually builds up in him when he is not reacting until he explodes over something else that seems very small. It is like the saying, “The straw that broke the camel’s back”.

On your side, your anger grows and grows because his not responding will not help you to resolve your anger when it begins.

Even though you both deal with anger differently, the end result is that you both yell and lose control of yourselves.

You both need to be able to discuss your feelings openly so anger can be an emotion that can lead to positive interactions as you problem solve on what makes you upset. Levels of anger in each of you would be greatly reduced if you could openly discuss concerns when they arise in a manner comfortable for each of you.

Your husband needs to understand anger in marriage is a normal emotion one develops due to hurt, frustration, feelings of being minimized, not being heard, taken advantage of, etc. The way to resolve anger is to discuss it openly, honestly, and in a sensitive manner whereby neither person is hurt and feels defensive.

A helpful concept for both of you would be to see anger about the other to be “our anger problem” rather than “mine” and “yours”. It is analogous to being a “couple “versus” two individuals”.

If each of you can see anger as a joint problem, it can be easier to resolve. Both of you will have a personal stake in resolving it. Each of you can begin by trying to present your anger in “I feel” statements rather than “You make me angry” statements. Such statements show how you feel rather than to put blame on the other for your feelings.

You need to listen to your husband when he has trouble speaking to help him feel comfortable to discuss anger. Your getting angrier and angrier about something does not work because eventually he is the one who gets angry over an unrelated matter. The result is that no one is satisfied and anger and resentment grow inside of each of you.

The reasons “why” these anger incidents occur are not nearly as important as to “how” you choose to express them. You need to gain the skills and the “tools” to invest your emotional energies constructively and creatively. Often times, a couple gets locked into poor patterns of communicating their thoughts and feelings; the healthiest resolve is to simply gain information and learn techniques to facilitate this exchange of thoughts and emotions. Seek out a therapist experienced in anger management if you cannot resolve these anger problems on your own. These techniques can be taught on a short term basis with assistance of a competent therapist.

If there is a spiritual component to your life, a marriage encounter weekend might also be helpful.