Question

Dr.Braccio:  My husband and I have had to karatay bayan escort admit our marriage is in trouble.  We were once so in love. Now we’ve lost ourselves in raising our three children under ten years old and our jobs.  We even must accept friends have more quality contact with us than we do with each other.  We’re both discouraged but talking.  We don’t want a divorce.  We worry for the kids who know nothing about our problems and certainly want us together.  Is it too late?

Answer

It is never too late if two people want to renew their love and save their marriage.  The fact you are talking and do not want a divorce is positive.  The hard work now begins.

No one gains if your marriage breaks up.  It will most likely negatively impact on the children and leave both of you feeling defeated and rejected.

Few things hurt more than remembering golden memories and realizing you let slip opportunities for them to continue.  You have such an opportunity now and need to grab on to it as like the proverbial “brass ring”.

Recognize you will need to make the type of changes you need to do now if a new marriage were to succeed.  For everyone’s sake, do it now!

Your concern for your children is very legitimate when one sees the emotional damage that too often happens to children of divorce.  Unless there is abuse or you really hate each other, and that does not appear to be the case, to make their needs at least equal to yours is a good goal when you consider they did not ask to be brought into this world.

Reconnect to each other and place “red alert” priority on yourselves as a couple.  Seek the type of total commitment you had when you fell in love.  To immediately set time aside for just the two of you to enjoy each other is critical to the success of your marriage.

To do this is not to neglect your children, it is to rekindle the love that made their very existence occur.  You need new happy memories to replace the unhappy ones of the recent past.  Try to remember why you fell in love and work hard to reestablish the old romantic and magical feelings.  Build a bridge from your happy past to a happy present and future.  Think romantically and good things will happen.  Treat each other like your best friend.

A marriage encounter weekend could be wonderful since you both do not want a divorce.  This is a proactive approach to make the marriage work.  It also could add some spirituality to your marriage that could be helpful.

Dr.Braccio:  Even for me, I’m a difficult person to karatay genç kızlar be with.  I always have been.  This is particularly true when doing some drinking.  Even with this, I always find a man who puts up with me but eventually tires of my controlling and often sarcastic personality.  I also am very aggressive verbally.  My problem is that with four and five year old sons that I dearly love.  I need to be less critical of me and the men I date so I can find a good partner to share our lives.  I’ve run off some good ones.  What do you think?

Answer

You need to develop a more tolerant and positive outlook on people and life.  Regardless of whatever charm and positive traits you may have, no one can put up with a “controlling and often sarcastic personality” who is “very aggressive verbally”.  Any one of those traits would run good people away from you.  You also need to like yourself more and judge others and yourself less harshly.

Learn to relax and be more accepting, insightful, sensitive and tuned into people by not interpreting things negatively.  This will allow you to better understand their feelings and treat them well.  In the process, you will also be treating yourself very well.

Because you have various areas to change, the following are some suggestions to help you:

1.  Accept honest differences as legitimate and even positive.

2.  Do not look for flaws in others and be sarcastic and demean them.

3.  Do not hold grudges after you solve or try to solve a problem.

4.  Accept some disagreements do not have a solution.  Examples could be religion, politics,  school prayer, parenting methods or favorite foods.

5.  Seek out counseling from a therapist who can address anger management and the development of tolerance and empathy through personality change.  You also need to develop better self-esteem.  That appears to be the major cause of the grief you cause for yourself and others.

6.  As appropriate, seek out spiritual guidance that grants you peace and tames your negative feelings and hard heart.

Question

Dr.Braccio:  My fourteen year old daughter can torture me emotionally but is so escort kızlar mersin insecure in her life.  She never wants to try anything new.  I also must work more at this.  When I push her into something like the Spanish Club, she enjoys it and even thrives in it while I’m worn out from the struggle to get her to finally go.  In spite of all I try, the scenario is always the same.  What’s wrong and what can I do differently?

Answer

Your daughter has low self-esteem in relation to trying new things.  She is comfortable with the known and predictable.  The unknown scares her.  The scenario you have developed between the two of you appears to be how she changes.  The problem is that there is no spontaneity and the process and resulting change for her is a very slow and burdensome process.  Additionally, you get worn out emotionally and it puts real wear and tear on your relationship.

Until you can implement some of the following suggestions on how to help both you and your daughter, you probably need to use the current model to make sure some changes occur.  Even though I say this, the emphasis needs to be on the new suggestions below.

1.  Encourage her whenever possible to try new things.  Use your whole environment.  This can occur when you see something on TV, in newspapers, in magazines, as you walk in your life, etc. that you can build on to discuss with her with the goal of helping her see  how it relates to her and how she might try it.

2.  Be on guard to always immediately applaud her anytime she thinks about and/or tries to do   anything new.  Each time may potentially be the catalyst for a major overall change in her life.

3.  Place her in situations where she can take a leadership or proactive role.  Church, family and community activities lend themselves to this.

4.  Model a willingness to try new things.  Demonstrate the excitement that can come from trying new things.  Because you must work on this also, it will be a good test for you as well as her.

5.  Try to set up events and that would allow her to explore new things.  Examples would include picnics, trips, extensive walking, amusement parks, church/youth activities, art class, cake decorating class, sewing class, swimming, tennis and soccer.

Question

Dr.Braccio:  I don’t know silifke escort numaraları what’s been happening to me.  I’ve always been anxious but now I seem to be worrying about everything.  I even worry about my worrying.  My mother and her sisters are just like me.  My kids and husband have told me to try to settle down, but I can’t.  I seem to be worrying about a lot of things and can’t get the worries out of my mind.  It’s nothing in particular but can be anything.  I worry about the health of my family, my husband’s job, the education of my children and even the effects of global warming on us.  I get tense, irritable, can’t concentrate and focus on my worrying and often can’t sleep well.  This makes me feel down and immature.  I feel I’m getting worse.  What do I have and what can I do about it?

Answer

You appear to have “Generalized Anxiety Disorder”.  This is an anxiety disorder that covers a wide range of concerns.  It is often written as GAD.  It can make one feel uneasy and worrying about various things or just a kind of foreboding that something will go wrong.  “What Iffing” and “catrastrophising” are common characteristics.  The present is often ruined as the person worries about the future.

GAD is quite common with a frequency rate of around 3 to 4%.  As you can see, you are not alone as millions suffer the same condition.

The cause is debatable, but probably ranges from bad learning and being around worriers to a chemical makeup that gives one a tendency to worry or a combination of them.  The reaction is physical and the result is an ongoing anxiety that is draining on the person and those around him or her.  As in your case, this can lead to some level of depression because the constant worrying and physical uneasiness can make one feel down, hopeless and plain worn out emotionally and physically.

Some key things to do to address your anxiety would be as follows:

1.  Learn to relax to reduce anxiety.  Just breathing in and out deeply for a few minutes can be helpful.  Humans have done this over the centuries  to help them relax.   You also can use self-hypnosis, yoga, meditation or any other system to help you relax.  Just to slowly say the word …..r—e—l—a—x….. can be relaxing.

2.  Medication can help to calm you down.  While this can be helpful in the short run, the key is to stop your anxiety naturally and it can be done for the most part by just changing how you look at life and its everyday occurrences.