Question
Dr.Braccio: My two teenaged children seem to always be taken advantage of by their mersin esc friends. Sadly, this has also been my lot in life. We give and give, but our friends ultimately seem to want to take advantage of us or not be helpful. They even often demand help and support from us while offering us none. I have tried to not have my children be like me but they’re having the same problems. What’s the problem? What can we do?
Answer
All three of you do not develop mature and mutually satisfying friendships. A close friend is in many ways “another you” that you can count on to discuss whatever you want openly and safely when feeling down, feeling good, feeling mellow, feeling ecstatic, etc. In effect, a person who will never betray you or misuse what you share and a person who enjoys your life as you enjoy theirs. A friend offers a peaceful psychological harbor where you are safe from the gales of life. It is a person who will treat you as you will treat that person. The roles of who is helping who the most will reverse over time as the ups and downs of life effects each of you. Over time, things will even out as each is a “true friend” and mutually helps and is helped by the other. Even though it is very hard to develop such friendships, you clearly never have gotten into a relationship that could result in such a friendship.
The primary problem is a lack of self-esteem. A true friendship requires equality. You must care for yourself equal to the other person. You in effect must “love thy neighbor as thyself”. You have lost the “thyself”.
A test for a friendship is if you feel good about yourself after interactions with that person. If this is not the case, it is not a good friendship and you should get out of it. This is not always easy to do. Persons that pose as friends but really only want our help and support are hard to get away from because they want the unfair relationship to continue for their own needs. As you said, unhelpful friends “even often demand help and support from us while offering us none.”
The following examples are types of behaviors that reflect a “false friendship”:
1. Promises are not kept.
2. Confidentiality is broken.
3. No sensitivity to your concerns while always focusing on the other’s concerns.
4. Lying. Truth is a minimal standard in any friendship.
5. A “competitor” who wants to win or outdo you all the time.
6. The “critic” who always finds fault with you.
7. The “controller” who wants you to behave and think in a certain way.
8. The “negative” person who brings you down by only finding the negative in everything, including you and your friendship!
9. The “equalizer” who absurdly makes sure there is an absolute fairness in the friendship. Usually, this is not only trying on the friendship, but often is an attempt to determine the course of the friendship.
10. The “analyzer” who wants to figure out every hidden reason why you do something. This is tiring and gets in the way of friendship.
If you know any of these “persons”, who are posing as friends, have the courage to change the rules or get them out of your lives. Life is too short to be hurt by persons who say they are friends. A false friend causes one far more hurt and grief than a known enemy.

Question:
Dr.Braccio: Our 17 konya merkez kadın numaraları year old son is a pretty neat kid. He gets along well with just about everybody. Our concern is that he’s a remarkably average student in spite of strong academic potential. We had him evaluated a few years ago and he was found to be very intelligent but not motivated academically. He rarely gets a D or a B. It seems he aims exactly for a C and gets it . Our concern is that as he enters his senior year next year, what can be done to fire him up? We’ve tried to bribe him, punish him, and just about everything else. He says he’ll go to Lansing Community College when he graduates and try to find out there what he’ll do. Most of our friends think we’re lucky to have him and not worry so much about him. They think he’s a great kid and will do fine. What do you think?
Answer:
You first of all need to applaud yourselves for having such a fine son. Because he has chosen to be an average student through nearly the eleventh grade, it does not appear he will radically change in the coming months prior to entering his senior year. That he “gets along well with just about everybody” is very positive and shows he has excelled at social development. This alone can be the basis of many successful careers.
You need to continue to encourage him to do his best in school. That is your job as parents. Hopefully, he will do this, but it appears it will begin at Lansing Community College; and that is acceptable.
That he wants to go to Lansing Community College is positive. Hopefully there he will begin the academic spurt he needs to achieve closer to his potential. I believe Lansing Community College is a wonderful community learning center. In fact, I believe large numbers of students would do much better to spend some time there rather than going immediately to a four year school. It is a place your son can find himself academically as well as his future vocation. It is amazing all the careers one can prepare for at Lansing Community College.
Even though parents want their children to get top grades, to be an average student when you have no career goals in life and you are not motivated can be seen as positive. Too many children who are not motivated simply drop out of school and often end up with meager jobs due to a lack of basic education and work skills. That is not the case of your son.
You need to try to encourage him whenever he finds something of interest that could be a career for him. For example, if he were to say he liked how teachers help children, you could follow up with discussion about him being a teacher.
Try not to use “yes/but” statements. For an example, do not say, “We’re glad you don’t get Ds, but we want all As and Bs”. For now, this will turn him off as it apparently has over the years. Even though it will be hard for you, ongoing discussion is more likely to occur from the following interaction: “Son, we’re happy you passed everything. Are you satisfied?” Even if there is not a lot of follow up discussion, at least there is a chance rather than the coffin-like “yes/but” statements that will lead nowhere.
Even though you are frustrated, try to focus on his strong social strengths and be his guide and support when in the future he focuses more on academics and vocational planning.

Question
Dr.Braccio: We were recently unnerved when our six year began crying hysterically and begging silifke eskort ilanları us to quit fighting and yelling at each other. He said he can’t stand it. After getting over our shock, we hugged him and said we would try. We actually argue all the time and it seems like each of us likes to try to subdue the other and we won’t stop. The problem is that we can’t agree on most things except that we love our two children and will stay together. What can we do? We obviously enjoy arguing, even though we admit we go too far and we’re often angry at each other. We also want our children to be peaceful and happy persons.
Answer
You need to become a “couple” that discusses issues without the need to have a winner by one of you trying to “subdue” the other. Obviously, and fortunately, neither of you is about to be subdued.
You need to compromise, fight fairly, and respect each other. You do none of these when you constantly enter into a never ending power struggle. The fact you are “often angry at each other” certainly takes a toll on each of you and your relationship. The end result will not be pretty. The result on your son is unfair and ugly.
That your son is so upset over you “fighting and yelling” is a clear sign you need to learn to communicate and problem solve in a far more genteel manner. Use the concerns of your son as a “wake up” call to change your destructive interaction patterns. Love cannot grow or even survive in an environment where “to subdue’ is the goal. The fruits of your interactions are anger, hurt, rage, and eventually hatred.
“Coupleness” is a wonderful thing to develop as we walk the road that is our lives. It is needed in order to be a loving and effective couple and family. What you do not understand yet is that a healthy marriage and family life must be based on teamwork and mutual respect.
You two need to model the type of loving, peaceful, and effective interactions to best guarantee your children will be “peaceful and happy persons”. Predictably, your children will grow up “yellers” or be intimidated by “yellers” if you persist in your competitive and destructive interactions. Either of these outcomes will result in a person who will have problems effectively interacting with people in life. They do not deserve this.
I would suggest all four of you can be “peaceful and happy persons” by being positive, tolerant, and understanding of your individual differences and outlooks. Not only would you two get along remarkably better, but you would show by example how human beings problem solve in an environment where individual opinions are respected even when there are disagreements.
The huge advantages changing your negative interactions are without a disadvantage. The disadvantages, including destroying your marriage and the family life of your children, justify immediate change. Even though it is difficult to change ingrained behaviors, you can do it. Redirect and harness your enormous negative energy into positive energy. It is exciting to think of what you will accomplish for the happiness of you and your children!

This is a Question written in to me at 1320 WLNS silifke eskort numaraları Am Radio on the Tony Conley Show.
Question:
Dr. Braccio: How do you change someone’s perception of you when they feel they cannot count on you or trust you?
Answer:This is a very difficult perception to change. The following are suggestions assuming there is some legitimacy to the perception:
1. Talk to the person and honestly try to come to an agreement on future interactions.
2. Do consistently what you say you will do. Simple, but difficult for many to do.
3. For emphasis, you will do what you say over time. Only uncontrollable circumstances can change this.
4. You try to agree to do things that are helpful. People will trust you, count on your word, want to be around you and as a bonus be their friend.
As a final word, “Integrity” is earned over time from being consistent and helpful to others. Like a garden, it must be maintained daily and can be lost as quickly as does a storm to a garden if one’s word is no longer truthful.

Question:
Dr.Braccio: Our fifth grade son is having problems getting kocasinan bayan arkadaş along in school. He’s very smart but has a hard time getting along with children his own age. We hoped this would pass. We began home schooling him in the third grade because of the same kind of problems. We put him back in school this year because his therapist said he needed more interaction with children because he felt he was too isolated and becoming too selfish and set in his ways. We don’t know what to do. Our son doesn’t like school and wants to have me start teaching him again. Academically he’s well above grade level. What should we do? How can we help him?
Answer:
To home school a child can be a fine choice for many children. That is not true, as in the case of your son, when someone cannot get along with his peers. Unless the children are all unreasonable, and that would be highly unlikely, he needs to learn to get along with them.
Part of a person’s educational process is socialization, which includes learning to get along with one’s peers. Your son has proved academics can be learned outside of the traditional academic setting. What he needs to learn is that his character is developed in the often difficult and turbulent world of social interaction.
If he is selfish and not able to get along with people now, imagine how difficult his life will be in the future. To this point in his life, he proves that education is more than just academics. It appears your son has never learned how to share and be involved in team work. He needs to learn this to be effective in life.
Try to find activities he can do at school that will enhance his ability to share, be part of a team, and learn both tolerance and flexibility. You can talk to his teacher and/or school counselor about this. Any small group activities at school dealing with these issues could also be helpful.
In family discussions at times ripe for good communication, let him know he must learn to share, accept differences of opinion, seek out friendships, and try to be a team player at home, school, and in the community. Listen to his arguments, but firmly let him know he must change to be an effective and caring human being.
Encourage friendships by inviting possible friends to come over to visit, go to a movie, a community event, or other activities. Parent involvement can be very helpful in encouraging friendships of our children.
Involvement in peer activities in churches, boy scouts, or community recreational activities could also help.
Due to the long time your son has developed his personality and outlooks, it will not be easy for him to change. Continued efforts by you, his therapist, involved school personnel, and trying some of the above suggestions can make progress possible for him to become not just academically advanced, but also socially advanced as an effective and caring human being.

Question:
Dr.Braccio: Our intelligent escort bayan mersin and attractive seventeen year old daughter is entering her senior year and is having a hard time emotionally. She never wants to do things, has few friends and just mopes around the house saying how bad her life is. We previously had her in counseling. She said it didn’t help her and she now takes an anti-depressant. Nothing seems to help her. She can find the flaw or negative in anything she does or we say. What can we do? We have just about given up.
Answer:
In street terms, your daughter has a case of “negativity” whereby she plays life’s victim. As you can see, this negative outlook is totally destructive and stops her from having any success or happiness in her life.
While your daughter might now be worse emotionally without the counseling she had or her current anti-depressant, it also is true nothing can help someone who chooses to see everything through a negative prism. This is similar to the proverb, “The best of winds will not help a ship that steers for no port”.
She seems to have lost all passion for life and is emotionally immobilized. This is the result of “negativity”. Her self-talk is such that she refuses to see anything positive and simply “mopes around the house” in a hopeless stupor.
To overcome depression/negativity, one must literally “do something”. To just feel negative and that life is unfair will get her nowhere; and being nowhere makes one very dissatisfied with self and one’s life.
Even though success will probably be slow, keep trying to be positive and build on any positives that occur in her life. Also be aware your making resources available to her in the form of good advice, unconditional love, drug therapy, and previous counseling is the best you can do for her. Ultimately, she is responsible for her own happiness and must decide to make good decisions in that direction. Happiness is enjoying every day and deciding to seek out the positive in life and build our life around it.
To just “do something” may sound simple, yet persons who are depressed and negative find it so hard to do. All their human creativity is locked away in their unconscious and does them no good. It is as useful as a wonderful car locked away in storage.
Hopefully, she will one day begin to listen to her inner voice of strength to make good decisions that will ultimately result in her reaching her potential for happiness and satisfaction.

Question
Dr.Braccio: We try to instill patriotism, belief in God and being anamur escort kızlar good citizens into our two teenage children. Fortunately, they are good kids with a conscience. Our religious beliefs are a source of strength and humility for all of us. In spite of how busy we are, and we are very busy, we wonder if there are other things we need to do. We both work hard and try to do right by our personal and religious beliefs. Should we do more? We often feel we should. With young soldiers fighting for us around the world and persons out in the world doing heroic things, we’re searching our conscience to see if we need to do more. Are we judging ourselves too harshly? We get confused.
Answer
You are doing wonderfully and are “heroic” models for others. To work hard, give good advice and most importantly, model what you advise, is the combination that builds families, communities and nations . That sounds pretty heroic to me in a world with so much temptation, ineffective parenting, selfishness, corruption and poor citizenship.
Heroism is often thought of as on the battlefield or something like saving someone from drowning. While those are good and dramatic examples, other heroes struggle every day to work hard and do the right things for themselves, their families and their fellow citizens. They in effect are the incubators that produce heroes on the field of life as teachers, soldiers, police, elected officials, ministers, firefighters and parents.
The fact your children are “good kids with a conscience” shows what you are teaching and modeling in your house is working. Too often, we in our society not only emphasize problems and bad behavior, but even justify it. Stand up and be proud of what you are doing and achieving as a family. Society needs more “heroes” like the two of you.
Your religious beliefs seem to be most helpful to the family. “Strength and humility” resulting from religious convictions have led to countless heroic acts that have advanced the human condition. Good examples of this would be Mother Theresa, Michelangelo, Jimmy Carter, Pope John Paul and countless persons such as yourselves. Stand up and accept your kudos.
I believe you are “judging yourselves too harshly”. You are a model to most of us. The important thing to remember is the life you lead is exemplary and is in itself is a form of heroism. Diverting time and energy to other worthy activities would not improve on what you do. At present, your priorities for yourselves and children seem very well in place.
Your humility is a wonderful trait that never lets you get arrogant and insensitive. It guides you to do the right things for yourself and others. Make sure you do not let this wonderful trait be misread to convince you that you are not doing enough. In your own way, you advance the human condition.

Question:
Dr.Braccio: I mersin anamur escort bayanları feel overwhelmed by life. I’m a thirty year old wife, mother of an eight and nine year old and a professional woman. The problem is that I have so much internal pressure from all these areas. My children need to see more of me personally and at their events, my husband, who is a teacher and has more time than I do, does not have much quality time with me, and my boss is putting more and more pressure on me to work more as we push a big long term project. I don’t know what to do. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. My parents tell me to look for a new job and place my priorities in order. To them, family must come first. My husband is patient but says things must change and more or less says the same thing as my parents. I feel torn from all sides. What should I do?
Answer:
You need to thoughtfully prioritize your life. You must more effectively balance the needs of children, husband, family, and work. I would agree with your parents and husband. The children/ marriage/family needs must take priority over work. Most specifically, because you brought the children into the world and they did not ask to come, the children need to be your first priority. To have a good marriage is critical for their well being as well as the happiness of you and your husband.
Work appears to be the pressure area that needs to be put under control. The demands are causing the conflict within you about the amount of time you are spending with the children and your husband.
You will be very upset with yourself in the future if your choice about work sours your marriage and does not allow you to be intimately involved in all the exciting events in the lives of your children. Sharing such things as parent and family are among the great joys this life has to give.
The choices you would seem to have about work would be as follows:
1. Not change and try to better manage conflicts as they exist today.
2. Work “shorter” hours and take more control over your work.
3. Meet with your boss to discuss what time you can realistically put into your job.
4. Take a demotion, as hard as that might be, to have better mental health and more time with your husband and children.
5. Determine if your husband could take some time off work or work part-time if you could do it financially and you are willing not to spend that much time with your husband and children. He would then spend more and more time with the children and clearly become the primary child rearing parent.
6. Seek out a new job that will give you more time for you to be with your husband and children.
If you choose to quit your job or take a demotion, do it because your heart is filled with love for your children and husband and not out of guilt and frustration. This is said even though such a decision will be painful.
Something must give somewhere. It simply seems reasonable to not sacrifice human beings, your children and husband, over a job. Millions of scattered and broken families have resulted when mothers and fathers have allowed work to destroy their family relationships.
It is important to also be aware that these extremes of stress increase your susceptibility to disease. These stressors harshly take their toll on the human body as well as your social emotional relationships.
If you have a sense of spirituality, you may find, as do millions, that prayer can help solve problems.
The best is wished to you with the awareness any decision you make will be difficult.

Question: Dr. Braccio: What can I do to help someone who might be emotionally distressed during Christmas?
Answer: As we go into the Christmas Holiday Season, hopefully with great gusto, it is important to note many people feel lonely, lost and depressed during this period.It is a time that divorce, mersin esc death, family discord, illness, negativity, memories of a happier past or many other problem areas can lead to a person feeling sad and even severely depressed. What can you do to help someone who might be sad or depressed during this period have more joy? Also, always remember by helping those you love and others have greater joy and even a growing sense of spirituality will make you feel better. The following are suggested:
1. Give a smile to everyone you see and talk to. This can positively impact on the sad, depressed and everyone else. Everyone needs smiles!
2. Call an old friend or acquaintance who might like to hear from you.
3. Give support to someone who lost a loved one recently or who passed during this particular time of year.
4. Invite a family member or friend over to your home at Christmas, Hanukah or whatever other day you celebrate if you feel the person is alone and needs some companionship and support.
5. Call someone you have not gotten along with to get rid of the tensions and even anger and start a new beginning.
Make sure you do not have a “Bah, Humbug” attitude in your Christmas Holiday Season.

Question
Dr.Braccio: Our daughter will begin mersin anamur eskort bayanları her senior year next year. We are very proud of her solid B average as an honors student. Our concern is that all of her friends are honor students who get straight As. She is happy but sometimes complains how many hours she studies. We have advised her to just do her best and not worry. She says she always wants to do better but is not overly critical of her performance. We worry about when her friends will all go off to prestigious schools and she will not. What do you think?
Answer
As you said, your daughter “is happy”. She gives every indication of being very successful in life. Getting straight As is wonderful and to be sought after, but success and happiness in life goes to the person who works hard, appreciates success, accepts what one can do, and does not give up. Your daughter is loaded with these qualities.
It is positive your daughter chooses to have friends who strive for academic success. Excellence for her is trying hard and doing her best. The important thing is for your daughter to not negatively compare her grades with others. She must compare her performance with herself and no one else. If she does this, and she apparently does, then happiness and success will be hers her whole lifetime.
Even if she does not get all As, competing with the best in honor classes and getting Bs is arguably better than getting As against less talented and/or committed students. Her hard work in classes will help her do well when going to college. It also is positive and mentally healthy that she “is not critical of her performance”.
If you feel the pressure of life is so heavy on her that her mental health is suffering, then you might talk to her about taking less competitive classes. This does not seem to be the case and it appears she desires to continue as she is. With that said, to keep monitoring her mental health is good parenting. You might feel better and get some good perspective by talking to the school counselor about this situation.
You need to always let her know how proud you are of her hard work and solid academic performance. Make sure your concerns, which might not be hers, do not become her concerns by being negatively influenced by you.
As far as college goes, I am sure she, with your support, will come up with an excellent choice. She may not go to Harvard, but she will predictably go to a fine school, have solid academic success, and have a fine life. She sounds like a delightful young person.
Considering she is taking honors classes and works so hard, you may be surprised the colleges she can go to. You can look into this yourself as well as get information from the high school counselor. Someone like your daughter, if she desires, may end up high on the list of some prestigious colleges.
As a final comment, your daughter, like all children, needs ongoing encouragement and support. Clearly, her desire to succeed is burning brightly for all to see. Be proud of her and your parenting. It is obvious good things are going on in your home.

Question
We have had a lot of frustration the past three years.My mother and my husband’s father died after long illnesses, our children and grandchildren moved to the West Coast and we’ve silifke escort ilanları lost a lot of our retirement funds in the stock market. At least things are getting better there. The problem is that we’re upset and think life isn’t fair to us. This may not be reasonable, but it’s how we feel. Our jobs and health are okay but we’re down. What can we do? We firmly believe in God, but are hurting.
Answer
Accept your feelings are valid but do not let them control your lives. To grieve the loss of your parents, children and grandchildren to far away places, and losing a lot of your retirement funds would take the steam out of anyone. What you must do is accept it has happened, as unfortunate as it might be, and move on to compensate as best you can with good decisions and positive thoughts for the future.
To begin with, life is clearly not fair. We must make the best decisions we can to give us the best probability for success and happiness; however, unexpected accidents, illnesses, changes in the economy, movement of loved ones, etc., can weigh on us emotionally and/or physically.
True love and friendships can help us through the worst of times. To have persons there who will help us through the tough spots is critical. You have each other and your children and grandchildren, ever if far away, who love you. Rejoice in your love for each other and work together to help you through this difficult period.
We must never compare ourselves with others. We only can control our lives and need to do that as best we can. Comparison causes unhappiness because it too often is human nature to compare ourselves in difficult times with those more fortunate.
You can only be yourselves. These are your lives. You each need to put yourselves in the driver’s seat and take control of your lives.
Keep regular contact with letters, phone calls, and emails with your children and grandchildren. Plan trips as much as possible to spend time as a full family. The anticipation and planning of what you will do when together can positively help occupy your thoughts and make their loss less painful.
With your children gone, you need to do thing things with new people. Seek them out at work, in the community or at your church.
Spirituality can help you as you pray for guidance and support. Sincere prayer has led to many great insights and positive changes in the hearts and outlook of believers.
You may find support from a pastor or therapist experienced in grieving and loss such as you have suffered.

Question:
Dr.Braccio: I am confused karatay kadın escort whether to marry a man I love or not. We love each other but have some real differences that are hard for me to overcome. I overlook that he cannot find a steady job because he does help look after my house. I also overlook he is an atheist and I’m a devout Christian. We were going to marry two years ago but he did not know if he wanted children. Recently he agreed to marry but only have one child. Now he does not want any religion for the child and says the child needs to be free from a controlling parent like he says I will be. When we talk about how we would raise the child, he says I can do most of the parenting but he will intervene if I get controlling with the child or push Christianity or any other religion on this child. I’m so mad about his new conditions that I’m ready to throw him out of my house and again try to forget him. My mother likes him and says to marry him and he’ll change. My aunt and two best friends say he’s a free loader and throw him out. He hates them so much I can’t even tell him when we talk and they never come over to my house anymore because he’s very rude to them. Do you think I should marry him and that he’ll change?
Answer:
I suggest you follow the advice of your aunt and two best friends and throw him out. There seems to be little future here unless you do not have a child and he in effect is your child; and a controlling one at that.
He backed out at getting married when you said you wanted children and now has agreed to one child. When you agreed with that, he set standards on the possible religious views of your child and will be the “ultimate” parent if you do things he disapproves of. On top of that, he calls you controlling as the reason for his need to intervene as the “super parent”.
Your mother is wrong to suggest you marry him and he will change. The time to work out potential problems, particularly when you can identify them, is before you get married. This in effect would be a “hidden agenda” on your part which would predictably blow up in your face and lead to tragedy for you and your child.
In fairness to him, he is saying what he wants if you want to have a child with him. It also seems very possible he does not want a child at all and comes up with what he knows will be unacceptable conditions for you. You may have a to decide to marry him as he is or leave him.
As a Christian, you have to ask yourself if you want to raise a child that the father does not believe in God and wants not only that the child not be a Christian but that he not believe in a supreme being. You each clearly do not seem at all well matched spiritually. Such a situation is an excellent recipe for pain, discord and divorce with or without a child.
Even though it must be your decision alone as to whether you marry this man or not, your facts do not give much reason to believe that there will be happiness or success in your marriage.
To talk to your pastor and/or a counselor well experienced in such situations as yours could be very helpful and enlightening. Those that care for you and are worried for you have every reason to have their concerns.

Question
Dr.Braccio: My konya merkez escort son is 22 and still lives home and is not working. That is fine with me. He’s barely passing a few classes a semester and is still a freshman after four and a half years at the community college. We get along fine and he’s always friendly, helpful around the house and a good companion to take places and be with. His father, my ex-husband, and my parents have recently gone on the warpath and say I need to kick him out and make him take more responsibility for himself. They believe he needs to date, be with people his own age and get a job. They have confronted him and hurt his feelings. Even though he knows they mean to help him, he’s confused and says he’s happy and wonders why they won’t leave him alone. What do you think?
AnswerThis is an unusual situation. To not work, not date, not spend time with people his own age, run around with his mother and be a freshman after four and a half years of college does not seem like a good environment or lifestyle for him to mature and become a successful adult.
While he sounds like a wonderful young man, his growth seems to be stunted and he is behaving more like a well behaved low achieving 12 year old rather than a 22 year old.
Even if well intended, to attack him like his father and grandparents are is not only mean spirited but does not give him direction on how to change or what to change into. This situation has taken a long time to develop and will not change overnight.
Good parenting, even though he is 22 years old, is to help him develop into a secure and productive adult. The following are some things you might attempt to do:
1. Suggest he get a job and be with persons more his own age. If he does not take the suggestion, let him know you expect him to find a job with a time line.
2. Encourage him to speed up his college career and have him take more classes so he can graduate in the next three to four years rather than his current course of 13 more years. If he does not, give him a time to move out or pay room and board.
3. Let him know you expect him to work hard and be a good student if he is to live in your home.
4. Encourage him to join a social, church or civic group with persons his own age so he can date and interact with his peers. He needs to do something like this for his own personal development.
5. Sort out your own feelings. You may find both of you are in a co-dependent relationship which does not allow each of you to grow emotionally. He has few pressures and you enjoy his company.
6. Even though difficult, you may try to enlist the support of your parents and his father in a helpful way. They want what is right for your son, but need to find ways to positively dialogue with him to help him change.
7. A trained therapist in such matters could be helpful to you, your son and possibly the whole family in helping him advance in life.
8. Let him know you love him dearly but feel you both need to change.
9. If things do not change, you need to set a time line not only for him to work but when he must move out of your home and be on his own.
Focus on the fact your son is a wonderful young person. The goal is to simply help him develop as a person. He seems to now enjoy the peaceful and non-stressful life he has with you too much. You will not always be there and both of you need to move on in life into areas appropriate for your ages and places in life. This will be necessary but very hard for both of you.

Question
Dr.Braccio: Our fifteen year old daughter has had one very silifke eskort ilanları close friend her whole life. She also has a few acquaintances she infrequently spends time with. She’s a fine girl but I wonder if she should reach out and have more friends. She seems happy but I feel her life might be better if she tried to have more friends and be with more people. What do you think?
Answer
My first response is you are lucky in this day and age to have a stable 15 year old daughter with a good lifelong friend and a few acquaintances.
That “she seems happy” and you have no reason to doubt this, should be cause to back off and let her enjoy her life. She obviously is doing fine. Too often parents are concerned that their children are not with the “popular” kids in the “fast social track”. Do not join that group. To be popular has its benefits, but at age 15, inappropriate temptations can be overwhelming. Your daughter has a lifetime to develop her personality and relationships. Let her grow at a pace she is comfortable.
To encourage your daughter to be involved in church, school or community activities is positive for someone her age as long as the goal is to make activities available she may enjoy versus pushing her to do what you want her to do.
The temptation of our culture is to sometimes advocate quantity of relationships over their quality. It displays wisdom that your daughter prefers to manage her relationships with others qualitatively versus quantitatively. In fact, to demonstrate long-term trust and loyalty with others, even if only with one close friend, is a desirable social/emotional outcome of adolescence. These qualities will serve her well in the future. Too many adolescents have only surface level “friendships” that usually do not stand the test of time. Her friendship appears well on the road to being a lifetime friendship. It will be a positive model for future relationships she may choose to enter.

QUESTION
Dr.Braccio: I feel overwhelmed by konya merkez kadın escort life. I’m a thirty year old wife, mother of an eight and nine year old and a professional woman. The problem is that I have so much internal pressure from all these areas. My children need to see more of me personally and at their events, my husband, who is a teacher and has more time than I do, does not have much quality time with me, and my boss is putting more and more pressure on me to work more as we push a big long term project. I don’t know what to do. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. My parents tell me to look for a new job and place my priorities in order. To them, family must come first. My husband is patient but says things must change and more or less says the same thing as my parents. I feel torn from all sides. What should I do?
ANSWER
You need to thoughtfully prioritize your life. You must more effectively balance the needs of children, husband, family, and work. I would agree with your parents and husband. The children/marriage/family needs must take priority over work. Most specifically, because you brought the children into the world and they did not ask to come, the children need to be your first priority. To have a good marriage is critical for their well being as well as the happiness of you and your husband.
Work appears to be the pressure area that needs to be put under control. The demands are causing the conflict within you about the amount of time you are spending with the children and your husband.
You will be very upset with yourself in the future if your choice about work sours your marriage and does not allow you to be intimately involved in all the exciting events in the lives of your children. Sharing such things as parent and family are among the great joys this life has to give.
The choices you would seem to have about work would be as follows:
1. Not change and try to better manage conflicts as they exist today.
2. Work “shorter” hours and take more control over your work.
3. Meet with your boss to discuss what time you can realistically put into your job.
4. Take a demotion, as hard as that might be, to have better mental health and more time
with your husband and children.
5. Determine if your husband could take some time off work or work part-time if you
could do it financially and you are willing not to spend that much time with your
husband and children. He would then spend more and more time with the children
and clearly become the primary child rearing parent.
6. Seek out a new job that will give you more time for you to be with your husband and
children.
If you choose to quit your job or take a demotion, do it because your heart is filled with love for your children and husband and not out of guilt and frustration. This is said even though such a decision will be painful.
Something must give somewhere. It simply seems reasonable to not sacrifice human beings, your children and husband, over a job. Millions of scattered and broken families have resulted when mothers and fathers have allowed work to destroy their family relationships.
It is important to also be aware that these extremes of stress increase your susceptibility to disease. These stressors harshly take their toll on the human body as well as your social emotional relationships.
If you have a sense of spirituality, you may find, as do millions, that prayer can help solve problems.
The best is wished to you with the awareness any decision you make will be difficult.

QUESTION
I’m feeling very hurt and upset about something I can’t control.I had my sixteen year old son when his father was sixteen and I was silifke escort ilanları fifteen years old. He has married, is successful, and has four other children. His wife is snooty and really resents me and my son even though she is cordial. The father sends child support but is not very involved in his life. My son keeps in contact and I encourage this. I feel bad because my son has little and his brothers and sisters live very well with two families giving support. We are more or less on our own except for some good friends who are supportive. I try to be positive and let him know how much I love him. I work hard but do not make a lot of money. He’s a good student, has friends, is involved in sports and makes his own spending money. My son always says he loves me and doesn’t complain a lot but it has to hurt him. What do you think?
ANSWER
It probably does hurt him to some degree. The situation is not fair from a material point of view. What cannot be measured are the positive feelings he receives from the love you give him. The fact he always say he loves you is wonderful. Teenagers do not “always” say that if they do not mean it.
Praise yourself for not only loving him but by example showing him how to love you back in a wondrous mother/child mirror-like interaction and exchange. Such feelings make life so much more meaningful.
It appears your son, even if he is somewhat saddened by material comparisons with his siblings, is successful and moving on in his life. Your effective parenting of him can act like a ripple effect positively impacting on his and your future family members for generations to come. Such is the importance of successful parenting.
That you have “some good friends who are supportive” is and has been positive for both of you. They apparently have become like an “extended part” of your family.
Accept you “can’t control” or change the attitudes and behaviors of your son’s father and his wife. That you encourage him to keep in contact is positive unless it were destructive to his self-image; and that does not appear to be the case. You can only impact on yourself and your son. Continue to do the fine job you are doing with your son. Hopefully, the father will someday desire to become more involved in his son’s life.
In a world where complaining and comparing self to others has never been a path to success and happiness, it appears your son is successfully finding a positive path of social, academic, work, and athletic success. Continue to applaud and encourage him to be his best. As he does this, you will daily see the effects of your sacrifice and boundless love. Substitute your feelings of “hurt and upset” for feelings that you are doing a wonderful parenting job.

Question
Dr.Braccio: While I’ve never been accused of being overly positive, konya merkez escort kızlar I feel very positive when compared with my thirteen year old daughter and fourteen year old son. Their lives are generally good, but they’re negative on so much in life. Friends say that’s what kids are like now-a-days. Do you agree? What can I do? We need some things to do to make us more positive.
Answer
I do not agree. In spite of the constant drumbeat of negative news and commercialism in which we live, everyone, including teenagers, can be positive.
Begin by simply always seeking something positive in whatever event occurs. For example, in the national tragedy of 9/11, even a year later, it is hard to hold back tears or not be overwhelmed with pulsating emotion when seeing or hearing of everyday people like you and me who gave up or risked their lives so that others might live.
Try to model a positive outlook. Parental modeling is very powerful. Children often think and behave like we do.
One of the most underdeveloped abilities we have is to determine what we will think about. This determines how we perceive life. For example, if there were ten books on a shelf that tell all experiences of your life, how negative and unproductive to only read the one book about your defeats. It is amazing how many people do this. You and your children need to focus on positive thoughts and images.
While we must be realistic, you and your children need to find the positive in life. Those who have “a song in their heart” are so much happier than those who sing a sad song saluting everything negative in life.
Happiness is a choice. You need to see happiness as the trip through life and not some distant goal. To raise respectful and loving children to be adults is a wonderful achievement, but what a wondrous ride it is to be the parents helping mold the children into effective human begins.
Even though an overused phrase, it is true that “we are what we think”. When we are trying to be positive and good persons, the response to an old rhyme: “Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all’, must be “you”. Find the positive in yourself and build on it.
The following are some positive things you and your children might try to use to be more positive;
1. Look for solutions in life rather than problems.
2. Exercise.
3. Read for enjoyment and also to expand your mind.
4. Help someone every day.
5. Try something new.
6. Think of a positive new way of looking at some aspect of your life every day.
7. Focus on the positive aspects of your life.
8. Remember happy moments in your life.
9. Remember bad experiences to learn from them but not to punish yourself in the present by constantly reliving these memories.
10. Remember the home runs of your life and not the strike outs.
11. Do a loving thing daily for a friend or family member.
12. As appropriate for you, seek spiritual support to give more meaning to life.
13. Enjoy the road of life. The only time we have for sure is “now”. Make every second count.

Question
Dr.Braccio: My husband konya merkez eskort and I worry for our two and four year old children. We met and fell in love after difficult youths and often being taken advantage of by others. We feel we’ve “played the fool” for many persons. Our love has shielded us from the many hurts we’ve suffered. We’re in love with each other but feel we have low self-esteem and do not want to pass it on to our children. What can we do? We love our children so much.
Answer
You two seem like wonderful and loving persons at a spousal and parental level. I am sure it transfers to others you care about.
A positive outcome of people who have been taken advantage of is that they often are sensitive and caring persons; however, the goal is for you and your children to be sensitive and caring while effectively asserting yourselves. Then each of you will have healthy self-esteem that enhances you as human beings and does not allow others to take advantage of your goodness.
Few things are more stinging psychologically than the pain one feels when ‘playing the fool’ for others. Make sure the present and future are free of such negative experiences. Proudly say ‘never again’ when you remember the past.
Your self-esteem needs to be determined by yourselves and not others. Make your own road in life and declare yourselves non-victims and stand tall as human beings on an equal status with everyone.
Both of you need to model assertive behavior if you want your children to not be like you have been . Ultimately good self-esteem comes from within one’s self. The internal mirror needs to have a loving reflection for you to see.
The use of examples in everyday life that you encounter to explain what is appropriate assertive behavior would also be helpful. Examples could be the following:
1. When an employee refuses to be treated unfairly.
2. When a person will not listen to inappropriate jokes.
3. When a person says no when someone wants her/him to do something he/she
appropriately does not want to do.
4. When a person will not join others in demeaning other human beings.
5. When a person stands up for his/her religious and/or moral beliefs.
6. When a person asserts his/her rights when someone would take them away.
7. When one stands up for someone who is being treated inappropriately.
Be proud of the love you share and see it as the wondrous self-esteem gift you will pass on to your children. Such love is the cornerstone of positive self-esteem. Add assertive modeling and teaching by both of you and positive self-esteem will be the result.

Question
Dr.Braccio: Our fifth grade son is having problems getting silifke escort numaraları along in school. He’s very smart but has a hard time getting along with children his own age. We hoped this would pass. We began home schooling him in the third grade because of the same kind of problems. We put him back in school this year because his therapist said he needed more interaction with children because he felt he was too isolated and becoming too selfish and set in his ways. We don’t know what to do. Our son doesn’t like school and wants to have me start teaching him again. Academically he’s well above grade level. What should we do? How can we help him?
Answer
To home school a child can be a fine choice for many children. That is not true, as in the case of your son, when someone cannot get along with his peers. Unless the children are all unreasonable, and that would be highly unlikely, he needs to learn to get along with them.
Part of a person’s educational process is socialization, which includes learning to get along with one’s peers. Your son has proved academics can be learned outside of the traditional academic setting. What he needs to learn is that his character is developed in the often difficult and turbulent world of social interaction.
If he is selfish and not able to get along with people now, imagine how difficult his life will be in the future. To this point in his life, he proves that education is more than just academics. It appears your son has never learned how to share and be involved in team work. He needs to learn this to be effective in life.
Try to find activities he can do at school that will enhance his ability to share, be part of a team, and learn both tolerance and flexibility. You can talk to his teacher and/or school counselor about this. Any small group activities at school dealing with these issues could also be helpful.
In family discussions at times ripe for good communication, let him know he must learn to share, accept differences of opinion, seek out friendships, and try to be a team player at home, school, and in the community. Listen to his arguments, but firmly let him know he must change to be an effective and caring human being.
Encourage friendships by inviting possible friends to come over to visit, go to a movie, a community event, or other activities. Parent involvement can be very helpful in encouraging friendships of our children.
Involvement in peer activities in churches, boy scouts, or community recreational activities could also help.
Due to the long time your son has developed his personality and outlooks, it will not be easy for him to change. Continued efforts by you, his therapist, involved school personnel, and trying some of the above suggestions can make progress possible for him to become not just academically advanced, but also socially advanced as an effective and caring human being.

Question
Dr.Braccio: Our 8-year-old son has been identified as genç kızlar kocasinan having Attention Deficit Disorder. He doesn’t act out but has trouble paying attention and is getting behind in third grade. We don’t always know what he’s doing in school, and he forgets to bring assignment from a Special Education Teacher consultant, though. The school has strongly suggested we consider medication. We don’t want to do that except as a final alternative. What else can we do now to help him? Is the school right?
Answer
It appears your son has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, Primarily Inattentive Type. Too often, people with this diagnosis are overlooked because they are not acting out as are those who are hyperactive and impulsive. It is good that you are aware of his problem now so that you can best help him deal with it. The school may ultimately be right about medication; however, I believe it is appropriate for you to try other strategies first. This would be particularly be true now that the school is beginning to offer Special Education Services. Here are some strategies to help your son:
1. Work closely with school personnel to coordinate what is done at home and school. Make sure the school staff is always aware of what you are doing.
2. Request that he be placed near the front of the room to help him pay attention.
3. Have quiet study times at home to help him do his homework without excess noise. This also can help him better develop his attention span.
4. Have his teacher give him daily assignments to complete rather than long-term assignments. For example, it would be better for him to read five pages of a book daily rather than to read 50 pages in the next two weeks. This can be coordinated between the classroom teacher and teacher consultant.
5. Make sure the teacher consultant working with him puts in writing what assignments he must do for tomorrow. You must review it and make sure he goes to school the next day with his assignment. Hopefully, over time he will develop this skill himself. This type of habit formation is helpful when persons have problems with attention.
6. Applaud him every time he improves his attention. Encouragement can only help people to their best.
7. If you do not have success, then you might try to talk to your family physician or pediatrician about medication. That would then be the reasonable and logical thing to do. Even if it is not the first choice, medication is helpful for many students when a problem exists that cannot be corrected by changes in the environment.