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    THE PERVASIVENESS OF GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)

    Due to its pervasiveness that impacts on millions of Americans daily, it is good to know more about it. It is best described as ongoing anxiety that is chronic, excessive and impacts on many facets in the life of the person. It can be excessive worry about the weather, personal health or that of others, job security, relationships, driving, communication, possible problems ten years from now or literally anything a human being can think about. The condition can be totally debilitating and can lead to physical problems, substance abuse and depression to name a few. Some combination of medication  and counseling is generally seen as the best way to treat GAD. I have read that up to 90% of visits to primary care physicians relate to anxiety. 

     

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    MAKE THANKSGIVING A SUPER SPECIAL DAY BY BEING GRATEFUL

    Dr. Braccio speaks with Dave Akerly of WILS 1320 AM on the Morning Wake-Up w/Dave Akerly. For simplification, Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks for what we have in our lives. Regardless of whatever problems we have, we must set them aside and search our inner being for giving thanks. It can range from the air we breathe to great family, friendship and/or love we have now or have experienced in our lives. It is a day to not consider all areas of conflict, anger and disputes. As a musical thought, a good song  for Thanksgiving is LOOK FOR THE SILVER LINING from a recording Mario Lanza did nearly 70 years ago.

     

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    HOW TO CHANGE A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE

    Dr. Braccio discusses on “The Morning Wake-Uo With Dave Akerly” HOW TO CHANGE A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE. Too many people are victims of what is appropriately often called  the “inner critic”. To be positive,the following can be helpful in the overall goal of being happy and not living a negative and dreary life because of a bad attitude:  1.SUBSTITUTE  NEGATIVE THOUGHTS WITH POSITIVE ONES. 2.SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE. 3.STAY AWAY FROM NEGATIVE PEOPLE AS MUCH AS POSIBLE. 4.AS HARD AS IT MAY BE,FIND POSITIVE TRAITS YOU HAVE AND BUILD ON THEM TO BEGIN ENHANCING YOUR SELF-IMAGE AND ATTITUDE. 5.BELIEVE YOU CAN BE POSITIVE AND WORK AT IT EVERY DAY. 5.SEEK OUT PEOPLE WHO ARE GOOD AT HOW YOU WANT TO BE AND MODEL THEIR ATTITUDES AND BEHAVIORS. 6.TALK TO POSITIVE PERSONS AND LEARN FROM THEM HOW THEY DEVELOPED THEIR POSITIVE ATTITUDES. 7.DEVELOP A PLAN AS YOU BUILD A POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND DETERMINE THE OVERALL POSITIVE PERSON YOU WILL BECOME. A good quote of Oscar Wilde that fits our topic is:  WHAT IS A CYNIC?  A MAN WHO KNOWS THE PRICE OF EVERYTHING AND THE VALUE OF NOTHING. A favorite saying of my mother was:  THE OPTIMIST AND PESSIMIST HAVE THE SAME FREQUENCY OF ERROR,BUT THE OPTIMIST IS SO MUCH HAPPIER AND POSITIVE.

     

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    WHY IT IS SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO SAY THEY ARE SORRY

    Dr. Braccio discusses on “The WILS-AM  1320 Morning Wake-Up With Dave Akerly”—WHY IT IS SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO SAY THEY ARE SORRY. How often do we hear persons say they are hurt or angry because persons will not say they are sorry for what was said or done. Each of us must admit we have had these same feelings from time to time. With something so common and potentially devastating to relationships, it is important to look at reasons this is true. Common reasons people have such a hard time saying they are sorry for hurtful words and actions would be as follows:  FEELING VULNERABLE. DANGER OF LOSING POWER. FEAR OF LOSING STATUS. WILL NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. PROJECTING THE GUILT ON THE OTHER PERSON.  OBLIVIOUS TO THE IMPACT OF WORDS AND ACTIONS ON OTHERS. FEAR OF REJECTION. FEAR IT IS ADMITTING INADEQUACY.  NOT SURE IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN. DOES NOT BELIEVE ANY NEED TO USE THE WORD SORRY. ENJOYS THE WORDS OR ACTS. Unfortunately, too many persons use these reasons and others, whether consciously or unconsciously, to not appropriately say they feel sorry when hurting human beings with words and actions. We all have to work on feeling sorry when we do this. The time to start is now.

     

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    WHY CHOOSING GOOD FRIENDS IS CRITICAL TO YOUR PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH

    Solid friendships nourish our self-esteem and enhance us as persons by having other human beings with similar values who are there to positively interact and share who we are.  A true friend is with you in both the good and bad times. It is easy to be a friend of those riding high in life. When suffering the lows that all human beings experience at times in their lives,that is when true friendship rises to the forefront. Sadly,that is where too many people find out their friendships are more situational than true and deep. True friends help us deal with physical illness,Depression,Anxiety,Substance Abuse,Anger,Relational Problems,Divorce,and any other matter that relates to human interaction. Persons without friends are often lonely,far more prone to suicide and having physical and emotional problems lasting longer than when they have friends who are sympathetic to them and give them emotional support. As Cicero said-“A true friend is another you.

     

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    ELIMINATE GUILT WHEN A LOVED ONE COMMITS SUICIDE

    Sadly,I have worked with many persons over the decades in my work who have suffered sometimes unimaginable guilt when a loved one commits suicide. The critical factor to accept is that the person who commits suicide is the only person responsible for it. Regardless of why,ranging from severe depression to simply choosing not to live anymore,that decision was made regardless of whatever you said or did. To endlessly seek out what you or someone else might have done is unknown and leads nowhere because we will never know. Even when we do not know why the suicide occurred,we can be quite sure it was planned out even if it appears spontaneous. We must do our unique personal grieving and move forward in life. Accept that anger,depression and other emotions are reasonable feelings that often occur after suicides of persons who are close to us. We can love and cherish the memories that were shared together

     

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    HOW NOT TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS.

    Dr. Braccio on “The morning wake-up with Dave Akerly” discusses: HOW NOT TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS. The first thing to do is to accurately assess our social environment and try to see how and when we can intimidate others even if we have no intent. Even if hard to do, to ask someone who knows you well to honestly tell you about possible intimidation could be most helpful. Common factors that cause intimidation would include physical size, physical appearance, wealth/economic status, social status, brilliance/very intelligent, knowledgeable, powerful voice, work position/power, position in the family, power gestures, staring and the appearance of superiority. Humility, humor, smiling, acceptance and friendliness are antidotes to intimidation. 

     

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    CHARACTERISTICS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION IN THE CHILD

    1.Ceaseless  complaining about the alienated parent and often everything he or she says or does. 2.Identical complaints of the alienating parent often using idénticos  words and phrases.  3.Total agreement with one parent over the other in a toxic and extreme manner.  4.Anger and alienation extends to other family members and friends of the alienated parent. 5.No compassion or guilt for total attack on the alienated parent. 
       The sad outcome for the child can be a lifelong alienation from the alienated parent and family. The person also may develop a non-trusting personality with misplaced anger for other persons developed through their own misguided and distorted beliefs about the alienated parent and continuing  it with other persons in their lives. The end result can be a very unhappy person who is not able to develop appropriate relationships with persons in their lives ranging from the workplace to marriages and other personal relationships.

     

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    CHARACTERISTICS OF THE MALE SPOUSAL BATTERER

    Even though there are female batterers, men vastly outnumber them. Typical characteristics of male spousal batterers are:  Physical abuse. Verbal  abuse. Jealousy. Controlling. Manipulative. Charming. Demanding. Heavy pressure for early commitment. Impossible expectations. Treat others poorly. Blame others and never themselves. Anger problems. Physically destructive. Shamed in their childhood often by their fathers.

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    Intentional Acts of Love

    Dr. Braccio talks with Dave Ackerly on the “Morning Wake-up with Dave Akerly” on July 16, 2019 on WILS, 1320 AM in Lansing,Michigan about—ACTS OF INTENTIONAL LOVE AND CARING CAN CEMENT LOVE IN THE RELATIONSHIP. Too often, spouses and partners begin to overlook or literally forget the behaviors that helped them to fall in love. The following are examples that will help any meaningful relationship:  1.Statements like—I LOVE YOU!  YOU MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME!  YOU ARE THE BEST!  I THANK GOD EVERYDAY FOR SENDING YOU TO ME!  2.Kisses and hugs with feeling on a daily basis. 3.Plan regular romantic times together. 4.Plan times to talk to each other about the feelings of each and the overall health of the relationship. 5.Give unexpected gifts, regardless of value, to show love and appreciation. 6.Take your love to dinner or do something special when the other is having a hard day.
       Each relationship is different and what acts of intentional love and caring used to cement the love in the relationship vary depending on the person’s particular needs and desires.

     

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    THE VALUES YOU CHOOSE WILL DETERMINE WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WILL ACCOMPLISH IN YOUR LIFETIME

    Each of us as a person is the result of our overall value system. Good human beings in the conduct of their lives show such things as compassion, understanding, fairness, perseverance, consistency, loyalty, love, honesty and protectiveness. The above list is not exhaustive but shows the human values that will result in behaviors that will be helpful to all persons they have interactions. Spirituality adds a dimension to values that are consistent with those mentioned above. John

     

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    HOW TO COPE WITH THE HORRIBLE REALITY OF DIVORCE

    .Accept the legitimacy of your feelings. 2.Accept the reality of your situation. 3.Recognize  time will as a minimum reduce the horrible feelings. 4.Seek out friends and family to talk things out. 5.Seek out a therapist. 6.As appropriate for each person, seek out spiritual support. 7. Do not allow feelings of defeat, rejection, anger and severe frustration to stop you from seeking out a healthy accepting attitude about yourself regardless of any perceived mistakes you may have made. 8.Prepare to move on in a new direction and have a successful life and potentially a new beginning with a  new person in a relationship. 

     

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    HE TRAGEDY Of PARENTAL ALIENATION ON ALL INVOLVED

    The parent who orchestrates the parental alienation often becomes a very angry, lying, manipulative person who most negatively impacts not just self but also the child he or she professes to love. The child gets in the middle of both parents and is often coerced to do lying, repeating, imagining, treating horribly the alienated parent and being in a position to always comfort, agree with and support the parent who is doing the alienating. The alienated parent is in the situation of suffering great emotional distress as the child he or she loves treats him or her  horribly and refuses to even work on changing or talking things out. Things even get worse when the alienated child is encouraged to have little or nothing to do with grandparents and other members of the family of the alienated parent. This can lead to problems with family cohesion and further isolates the alienated parent as the the child also becomes alienated from many or all family members on his or her side. The tragedy is complete and often is never rectified because the anger in embedded with beliefs that often take hold and do not change. The sad thing is that the parents  who do the alienating would be appalled if they saw another person doing the same thing because they are not aware of what they are doing or choose to ignore it as they take on a virtuous image of self as trying to help the child against the evil or horrible parent of the child. Often this alienation  is a continuation of a divorce or a horrible break-up of the couple that one cannot accept.

     

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    HOW ANIMALS HELP HUMAN BEINGS IN SO MANY WAYS

    They always let us know how human and compassionate we really could be by the love and compassion they shower on us. They help us decrease levels of anxiety, loneliness and depression with their love, empathy, understanding and constant availability in the happiest and darkest days of our lives. At another level, there are animals of burden that plow the fields helping with food production in many parts of the world as well as being a primary source of food for us. All in all, animals are a wonderful gift from God and nature to add to the general happiness of all human beings on earth in so many vital ways. At our own level, my wife and I are very fortunate to have our beloved cat,Kalua, who is nearly 19 years old,as a loving and wonderful part of the family every day. We also greatly enjoy the big German Shepherd of our son and daughter-in-law, Patton, who has all the energy of the world and every time he sees us convinces us we are the most remarkable people in the world. We also must remember emotional support animals who help people through times of difficulty to have the type of animal support that is so assuring and helps them to better live emotionally in times of high anxiety and depression. 

     

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    HOW KIRK COUSINS WENT FROM NEARLY LEAVING MSU TO BE A HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL COLLEGE AND NFL QUARTERBACK.

    Kirk Cousins,who wanted to be a doctor when growing up, received an honorary doctorate of humanities from MSU before giving MSU’s commencement speech on May 10, 2019. The story is one of how someone helped him stay at Michigan State University  after his first practice when he was ready to leave, return to Holland,Michigan, play football at Hope College and become a medical doctor. If he had done that,he never would have had a great football career first at Michigan State University and now in the NFL. When he was ready to leave,it was a junior upperclassman, Justin Kershaw, who talked  to him and encouraged him to stay on. The rest is history. The lesson is when you see a person in need,you must be ready to step in and give encouragement so the person does not give up

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    ELIMINATING THE NEGATIVE INNER-VOICE.

     Persons with low self-esteem often repeat negative statements about their perceived deficiencies to themselves in a way that is similar to a negative parent or authority figure who would make such statements. They would include things such as the following: I am not a good parent – or good friend – or child – or worker – or spouse – or anything negative that comes to one’s mind. If not stopped,these negative inner-voice statements determine who you are and your life can be very severely impacted with resulting high anxiety and depression. Things to do to counter this negative inner-voice would include the following: 1.Positive self-talk and cognitive restructuring. Cognitive restructuring is when you replace a negative thought with a positive one. 2.Using the third person in place of the first person negative inner-voice to get some distance from the statement and be able to review it and try to see how unreasonable it is when matched with reality. 3.Positive affirmations on a regular basis over your lifetime…Eliminating the negative inner-voice is very important for a person to be able to lead a happy life. A positive inner-voice can be helpful if it is facilitating our moving forward and helping us to be as successful as we can be. The negative inner-voice is when the person is not allowed any room for change and the thoughts are clearly negative and do not in anyway help the person in their life or in their pursuit of happiness. Now is the time to eliminate  the negative inner-voice in your life.

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    LESSONS WE HAVE LEARNED ON HOW TO HAVE A LONG AND SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

    Dr. John H. Braccio talks with Dave Akerly on the “Morning Wake-Up With Dave Akerly” radio show, on 4/9/19 on WLNS, 1320 a.m. in Lansing, Michigan about LESSONS WE HAVE LEARNED ON HOW TO HAVE A LONG AND SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE.  Love God and Family.  Communicate and make decisions together.  Enjoy time together and the simple things of life.  Watch country westerns like ‘Gunsmoke’ and ‘Bonanza’, and play crossword puzzles together.  Put each other first and are each other’s best friend.  Believe communication is the key. Don’t argue or have any fights, just talk it out.  A final basic and key point they make in my opinion is, the secret to a long marriage is just be nice to each other.