Category: Blog

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss THE PAST DOES NOT DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE

    June 18, 2024- We live in the world where too many persons allow their past to determine their future. The result is there can be no happiness in the present or future if a person has negative beliefs about what they can achieve now because of real or perceived failures in the past. The past is over. It is always important to remember that life on earth is a one time brief shot. It is like an extremely brief lightning strike in an ageless universe . The result is we need to utilize life as best we can. It is of limited quantity.That is done by making good decisions in the present and not allowing bad ones from the past to cloud our vision. We need to learn from previous experiences that failed or did not work out to one degree or another. We need to make sure we do not do them again and must use them as guides to help us as we navigate what often are difficult life experiences that impact all of us at one time or another. This seems simple enough;however,if each of us examines our thoughts,we must admit failures from the past do cloud our vision as we meet new challenges. Instead of an exciting new challenge in life being undertaken with gusto,the failures and perceived failures from the past can limit or even eliminate the ability to overcome the challenge it if we allow it.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss FREE YOURSELF FROM TOXIC PARENTS

    June 11, 2024- It’s still amazes me how many adult children who have toxic parents are not aware of it. They will often complain about feeling overwhelmed by parents or feeling they can never meet their approval or that they feel that their needs come second to their parents or they feel they are always letting their parents down. Sometimes when they finally realize or are willing to admit they have toxic parents, they are somewhat in shock. They may know it, but they do not like to admit it. They have conditioned their lives to do what the toxic parent wants. Typical examples of the toxic parent would be they are narcissistic, they want control, they are critical of whatever you do, they lack boundaries, they play the victim, and you are in a situation where you can never get their approval. Because toxic parents know how to push your buttons, as they have created them over the years, it can be difficult to separate yourself from them and recognize you are not wrong when you have these feelings of never being able to satisfy a parent and having negative feelings about yourself. The things you need to do in order to free yourself from the control of the toxic parent, assuming your goal is not to sever the relationship completely but to keep it under control, would include the following: 1. Stop trying to do everything you can to make them happy. Accept you can never accomplish that. 2. Set boundaries of what you find are acceptable behaviors by your parents and enforce them. If they believe they can control you at any time of the day or night and demand you do things, now is the time to say that is not going to happen anymore. 3.Accept they are not going to change, but accept you can change. 4. Do not allow your parents to define who you are. That is your right and responsibility as an adult. 5. Your toxic parents will no longer be the judge and jury of your behaviors and what you are doing. 6. Recognize the manipulation they do and do not not allow it to occur. 7. Seeking out an experienced therapist may be helpful if you need support in altering a relationship with toxic parents… these may seem when reading them or hearing them to be simple things to do. They are not simple things to do. If they were, the person would recognize they have toxic parents and they would not allow them to control and manipulate them. Now is the time to take a look at the relationship you have with your toxic parents and determine how healthy the relationship is from an emotional perspective. If you feel it is not appropriate, and there is a major level of toxicity, now is the time to follow some of the suggestions I have mentioned and put things in a proper perspective. You are each an adult responsible for your own actions without all controlling toxic parents demanding they control yours.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss STOP BEING A CONTROL FREAK- Subscribe to our YouTube page!

    June 4, 2024- STOP BEING A CONTROL FREAK- Even though there is no psychological diagnosis for a control freak, it is a term people understand and it is clearly used to identify persons who try to control every aspect of many if not most things in their lives. We tend to think about the havoc they cause the persons they interact with as they tend to deal them out of possible joint activities or demand they behave exactly as the control freak states. Control freaks are often the result of high-levels of anxiety, low self-esteem, fear of failure, personality disorders, perfectionism and a clear overriding desire to control all aspects of a situation. Often when experiencing interactions with the control freak trying to control all aspects of a project or even a person’s life, it can be very frustrating. It also can create great anger and either damage or destroy relationships with people. The point here is to recognize that control freaks are often not happy and desire control over activities to make up for inadequacies they do not see in themselves but falsely see in others. If you are a control freak and desire to end the unhappiness that accompanies the need for total control, the following are things you can do to overcome this type of behavior: 1. Determine why you do it. Find the reason. Is it control, reducing anxiety, fear of failure, need to dominate, perfectionism, etc.? 2. Be aware of what you were thinking and self reflect on what you are doing and saying when you go into control freak mode. 3. Be aware of those around you and accept the negative impact your controlling ways are having on them and your relationships. 4.Talk to friends, associates and family to determine how they see you and get suggestions from them on how you might become more reasonable and less controlling. They may genuinely care for you and want to help you. 5. Make it a priority to bring others into the decision making process and implementation. 6. Move forward at a pace you feel comfortable but clearly moving forward. 7. Eliminate controlling and even demeaning vocabulary from your speech. 8. You can seek out a trained and experienced therapist to help you get over your control freak ways as you feel that would be helpful.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss CELEBRATE YOUR SUCCESSES- Subscribe to our YouTube page!

    May 28, 2024- Too many successful persons live their lives without the enjoyment of celebrating their successes. Too often, persons go from one activity to the next without taking a time out to enjoy what they have accomplished. They run the risk of leading what is seen as a successful life to others but not for them. They may accomplish a long term goal of maybe many years that they desired, but realize at that time they never enjoyed the road of life to get there. They then often can be very disappointed and even very depressed. Life has an expiration date and to not enjoy it as we live it is a big mistake if not a tragedy. This does not mean that one does not tend to business and is always celebrating themselves. No, the point is that in order to have good self-esteem it is necessary that one be aware of the successes they have and celebrate them. This type of self encouragement will lead to even more successes. The enjoyment that comes from the successes one has in one’s life carries over to better self esteem and more successes. Not acknowledging your successes as you have them can make for a tedious life with little enjoyment as one goes from one task to another. To just lead a life without stopping to enjoy their personal,family,friendships and work successes would be like taking a coast to coast drive from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific Ocean and not stopping to notice the beautiful natural and human made marvels along the way. Enjoying life requires one to periodically take time out from the pressures of life and congratulate self on accomplishments ranging from good friendships, successful work experiences, caring family experiences, completion of activities to something as basic as sitting down and reading a book or watching a movie. The list is as long as activities you try to do and have success. I hope this can be a wake up call to persons stuck in the drudgery of life and not enjoying their successes. This often leads to unhappy lives which can lead to less fulfilling personal, family and work experiences in general. If you feel this is you, now is the time to simply make some changes in your life. Take time outs from the successes that you have and enjoy them like you do a wonderful meal with friends and family. Even if you feel you do not have many successes in your life, if you look hard, you will find some. If you start focusing more on those successes and enjoying them, that will open the door to more successes. Let this be the first day of you more celebrating your successes and enjoying everything that will result from it in personal satisfaction. You will also find those around you will enjoy you more and enjoy your successes with you. A bonus is that you will not only be a happier person, but you will be a more enjoyable person who persons will want to spend time with.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LISTENING SKILLS

    05-21-2024- Most persons you talk to would admit that listening skills are critical in successful relationships. They also would indicate many of the persons they interact with do not listen to them. The one element that is often lost is that the person agreeing to this is often not a good listener or is someone who could be a far more effective person with better relationships if they could find a way to become a better listener. The positive thing is that one can develop better listening skills by simply trying to pay better attention to persons they talk to and with intentionality respond with caring, understanding and empathy. Too often in this busy electronic based society,people have lost the skills of in person interaction that is made even worse with persons so busy leading their own lives that they have little desire to interact with others; and if so,often simply only want to talk about themselves and their areas of concern. A good way to improve your listening skills would include such basic things as making direct eye contact and showing the person verbally and with body language that you care. This means you need to take a time out from whatever you were thinking about and try to give attention to the person you are talking to. You need to let the person get out their whole message and try to understand it. If concerned you can go back and reframe what the person says to make sure you fully understand it and let them know you are paying attention and trying to understand what is being said. You show the person you care about them and what they are saying when you respond to what they are saying and give feedback. Not enough to interfere with their decision-making, but in the form of understanding and trying to help the person get out whatever they are trying to say. This may seem simple enough, but it is an area that a large percentage of persons fail. You can just randomly talk to people you know and they will tell you how hard it is to find someone they can talk to with empathy and desire to understand their feelings. We all need validation of who we are, what we think about and what is important to us. When we validate the concerns of the person, make an effort to understand what they are saying and try to be helpful as they make decisions or express feelings that are important to them, you are then better developing listening skills. This is often called active listening when a person listens intently to another person to try to fully understand what they are saying. They do not have to fully agree with what the person is saying, but are willing to totally listen to what is being said in an attempt to understand what the person is saying. They do not judgmentally enter into the discussion and often end it with statements like, “You should do this” or “Quit thinking that way”. Good listening requires a person not to squelch the opinions persons talk about but give every attempt to understand what is important to them. A complaint a person might have in hearing this is that other persons never listen to them. They can use that as an excuse not to listen to others. The important thing to remember is that successful relationships require that each person effectively listen to the other person. If each person makes every effort to try to understand the views of those we interact with, we will not only be a more empathetic and caring person, but we will have far more successful relationships with human beings which we all need to have good self-esteem and lead happy lives.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss THE DIFFICULTIES OF BIPOLAR DISORDER

    May 15, 2024- Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition that causes extreme swings of mood in a person. They can be very disrupting to both them and those around them who do not understand their condition. Bipolar disorder was previously called manic depression. The emotional difficulties result from a person trying but not able to lead a normal life without any control of mood. They too often are either depressed or in an exceptionally good mood. We tend to think of persons like this as moody and not aware how difficult it can be for them to lead their lives. It is important to note everyone has shifts in mood from sad and depressed to being quite happy. Those are the normal emotional swings of a human being. It is when they become so noticeable they not only impact themselves,but also those around them. Often,people are not comfortable being with them. The manic state can be annoying to others when the person is so revved up and positive they discuss doing things that everyone knows at that time they are not capable of achieving. While that can be annoying and difficult, the sadness and depressed mood that regularly occur with bouts of depression are clearly a difficult time for them and those around them. It is important we have sympathy and understanding for persons with this condition. Could you imagine being in a situation where your mind shifts from mania or hypomania, which is not as high a level as mania, where you can be filled with energy and excitement and all of a sudden find yourself depressed, and sad and not sure when you will come out of it. Both mood swings can affect sleep levels, judgment, relationships, job security, behavior, desire, substance abuse and the ability to get things done

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss HOW NOT BEING LOVED AS A CHILD CAN IMPACT YOU

    MAY 9, 2024- Life can be a challenge for a person who comes from a loving home. Unfortunately, for persons who come from non-loving homes, the probabilities of them suffering many characteristics that negatively impact their ability to have happy lives is greatly enhanced. I am not saying all persons who grew up in non-loving homes will be miserable and unhappy persons and cannot be highly successful persons. To the contrary,there are many examples of persons who have come from difficult non-loving homes and have been successful. With that said, not being loved in a home is not only difficult during their youth, but the characteristics they too often acquire can make their lives very difficult to even miserable and self-destructive. The following are characteristics that too often occur for adults who were not loved as children: 1. Low self-esteem. The negative words they heard day after day when growing up unfortunately can continue throughout their lives. The internal critic too often rules. 2. Being a pleaser to the point the person has no boundaries on what is good for them and they simply will do whatever it takes to make another person approve of what they are doing. 3. Isolation from others because of the belief they are not worthy to be with other persons can result in a miserable isolated life. This is what they believe they deserve and where they feel safer emotionally. 4. A desire to control others they encounter in their own lives because they never had control of their lives when growing up. This is obviously self defeating because they then negatively impact relationships with other persons and often lose them and continue to be unhappy and often alone. 5. Addiction and inappropriate use of alcohol and drugs in an attempt to stop the emotional pain which is obviously self-destructive and has no happy ending.. 6. Overcompensating in a job or career that may look successful to the rest of the world, but is only being done to seek approval for their achievements. It is a hollow success that is not being done for their own self satisfaction, but hopefully from receiving approval from others. 7. Abandonment fears in any relationship that does not go well with the belief no one will stay with them because of their conviction the person will, like their parents did, emotionally leave them. Sadly,this often occurs because the other person tires of someone who is always fearful they are leaving and often can be quite drama producing with constant tests to show they will not abandon them. 8. Constant fear of failure because they were never given approval for successes when growing up and believe it will eventually always occur in whatever they try to accomplish. 9. An inability to share insights and deep inner feelings about themselves for fear the information will be used to hurt them. 10. An inability to trust others because of fears of future betrayal and abandonment.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss BEWARE OF THE MANIPULATING “LOVE BOMBER”

    April 25, 2024- Someone falling in love with you is an incredibly exciting time for an honest person looking to love and be loved. The problem is there are persons who are highly manipulative and will take on the role of a manipulating “love bomber”. This is a person who will use all the psychological tools they can to manipulate you to or fall in love with them. Their ultimate goal is to take control of your life and totally destroy your self esteem and identity as a person. While even the most perceptive of persons runs the risk of falling under the almost hypnotic spell of the “love bomber”, the most vulnerable are persons naïve to loving relationships or desperately looking to love and be loved with someone in a loving magical relationship. As a result,anyone wanting to be loved and love someone is vulnerable to the “love bomber” and can fall under their sway. Love bombers are a form of sociopath in the sense they have no feelings for the person they are “love bombing”. Their goal is to have the person fall fully in love. Then they will gradually take control of their lives, isolate them from others and very candidly make them and their lives very miserable. The following are some things to look for that are typical of the “love bomber”. If you are experiencing some of them, the best advice is try to end the relationship as soon as possible and move on emotionally to save yourself from potentially a very damaging and destructive relationship. 1. In a beginning relationship ,when the person seems to be remarkably better than common sense tells you, you are probably right. 2. Expensive gifts way beyond the stage of the relationship. 3. Wanting to control all your free time. 4. Cutting you off from having time to see friends and family. 5. Warnings from family and friends you trust that the relationship is not good for you. 6. An attempt to mirror your likes and dislikes to a level of agreement that is unreasonable and clearly manipulative to show your complete compatibility. 7. The pace of the relationship is way too fast. 8. Praise and compliments that are way beyond reasonable . 9. Planning future events when the relationship is not at that stage. 10. Strong resistance with “love bombing” at any attempt to slow down the speed of the relationship.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin discuss CRITICAL FACTORS FOR PARTNER EMOTIONAL COMMUNICATION

    April 16, 2024- One of the major complaints I regularly hear from one spouse or partner about the other over the years in my work as a psychologist is the lack of needed emotional communication and ongoing commitment to continue it. Like a garden,emotional communication must be addressed daily. If problems are not addressed and changed,they can lead to very unhappy relationships and too often can end them. The general belief is that this is more of a problem with men than women. Even if this were true, there are certainly many women who have problems in communication at an emotional level. With that said, it is safe to say each person is unique in regards to their willingness and ability to have effective emotional communication and commitment to it. There are some critical factors that are important in order for a partner or spouse to know the other desires a strong emotional commitment and is willing to work on it. This requires the willingness to share important things about themselves that allow a loving long term relationship or marriage to grow positively against all the pressures that can and predictably will occur over time. Critical factors would include the following: 1.Honest and authentic expression of feelings about yourself. 2.Be willing to be vulnerable emotionally and share how you truly feel about things. 3.Explain previous experiences in life to help explain how you have become the person you are. 4.Turn off electronic and other distractions for hopefully daily times to share feelings. 5. Try to use active listening to make sure you get the full message being sent to you before responding or interrupting. This can be very hard to do if you feel you are not being understood. 6.Recognize there will be rough spots where honest disagreements will occur and emotional communication will not succeed. Accept that and keep trying. 7. Be available emotionally during difficult times. 8. Hugs and kisses are important forms of emotional communication. 9 .Develop stronger spirituality with the possible support of a priest or minister could be helpful. 10. Seek out a therapist if you feel necessary to help give guidance on how to be more effective at emotional communication.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss SURVIVING AN UNEXPECTED PAINFUL RELATIONSHIP BREAKUP

    March 26, 2024- The goal or dream of most persons is to have a loving, long-term relationship with a partner. Even if not in a marriage, the goal is the same because most human beings do not like being alone and tired of many ongoing and generally shallow relationships. The pain can be very difficult emotionally when one believes they are in a relationship that may potentially be lifelong, and it suddenly explodes into an unexpected break up. The person then is in great emotional distress even if they knew the relationship was not going well when it unexpectedly breaks up. Even if this is something that occurs in a short term intense relationship, that does not minimize the pain emotionally the person suffers who experiences it. The following are things to do if this occurs in your life: 1. Recognize that as painful as it is for you emotionally, you will be able to move on and most likely eventually find a successful, long-term relationship. 2. Try to determine what actually destroyed the relationship. When persons are blindsided and a relationship ends, there often were signs that were not noticed and sometimes did not want to be believed. 3. Try to learn from what happened to make sure it does not happen again. This sounds very simple, but requires a lot of personal analysis. 4. Recognize that most relationships that break up,whether long or short term, are the result of problems on both sides. 5. Without developing guilt and great remorse, it is important to see if you had problems with possessiveness, criticalness,, selfishness, envy, or what Shakespeare called the Green-Eyed Monster of jealousy. 6. Seek out friends and family who will be supportive with you during this period of difficulty. Do not overwhelm them with your feelings, but rather seek their support and love in difficult emotional times. 7. Accept there will be a painful emotional period of grieving for what has been lost and you believe could have developed. 8. Recognize the ending of the relationship may be very helpful to you psychologically if the two of you were a bad fit and only future problems would have occurred if you stayed together. 9. If you find it is impossible to sort out what has occurred on your own, seeking out an experienced therapist with short term and long-term failing relationships could be helpful to prepare you psychologically to be more effective in future relationships.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 discuss NARCISSISTS (NPD) AND SOCIOPATHS (ASPD)

    March 19, 2024- Even though we encounter them regularly, narcissists(NPD) and sociopaths(ASPD) continue to fascinate us. The fact they can be very charming and sometimes seeming to greatly care, makes them very difficult to deal with emotionally for a person who trusts easily and gives people the benefit of the doubt. The problem is that narcissists have at their best little empathy and sociopaths have none. The difference is that the narcissist has a grandiose sense of self and constantly needs others to reflect back their superiority and unique skills. Narcissism actually feeds on other persons agreeing and vindicating their feelings of superiority. The sociopath is totally different. The sociopath has no empathy and often uses charm and manipulation to get what they desire from someone. Because of their lack of feelings or empathy, they can easily cause great psychological harm to individuals who care and love them, as well as friends, business associates, coworkers, and employees who depend on them. The problem for the average person is that they often will humor the narcissist, even if they find them overbearing and annoying. The sociopath is much harder to uncover. Their acts of sabotage can skillfully be done with manipulation, lying, “love bombing” and being cleverly irresponsible in a way it is hard to determine what they are up to. If you feel you are having negative interactions that are impacting your own self-worth and happiness by spending time, or even loving a narcissist or sociopath, the following are some suggestions on how to help set yourself free emotionally: 1. Set firm boundaries on the interactions you will have with these persons. 2. As needed, separate yourself from toxic persons in your life regardless of the relationship you currently have with them. 3. Learn to be more perceptive when persons are simply looking for adoration or seem to be doing things that are making you feel less of yourself due to gaslighting behaviors. Even though this may be hard for you to process psychologically, the painful emotional results will be obvious even if it seems you are under their spell. 4. If in a psychologically destructive relationship with a narcissist or sociopath and not sure how to get out of it, seeking a therapist experienced with treating persons involved with narcissists or sociopaths to help you move away from the person and be able to lead a normal and happy psychological life could be helpful.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss WHEN SAYING “NO” is appropriate and necessary

    March 12, 2024- It is amazing how many wonderful people who have the kindest of hearts and the most willingness to help others are often overwhelmed with responsibilities. They have agreed to enter into what makes their lives a completely stressful and overwhelming experience. When one thinks of it, “no” is just a word with two letters. When one considers we use thousands of words in our lives, it is amazing how that word can make life so difficult when one cannot use it. Way too many persons feel they have to say “yes” when asked to do something. This is often learned from an early age when they were children and their parents and other adults told them to always try to be helpful and do what was requested of them. It also can be true that persons feel saying “no” is hurtful and not being a good human being. Still others will not say “no” out of feelings of guilt if they do not do what is asked of them. Still others do it out of a sense of duty that someone has asked them and it would be wrong for them not to do it. Still others cannot say “no” to families out of love and sometimes engrained guilt. My point here is not that saying “yes” when a person is asked to do something is wrong. To the contrary, I believe helping others when we can is a noble and important aspect of showing and developing caring and love for others and ourselves. It also shows a commitment to the community and the persons we love and care about. The problem is when saying “yes” to too many things can lead to mental and physical health distress to the point a person cannot function effectively in life. I have worked with many persons in my offices and also have known many persons as I have walked the road of life that cannot say “no” to persons and constantly feel overwhelmed and not able to do what they desire and need to do to lead a normal happy life. They are like a golf ball being hit from one place to another with no control over their life. If this is happening to you, the following are some things to do to help you overcome the problem with not being able to say “no”: 1.Accept you have needs that must be met for your own mental and physical well being. 2.Never say “yes” out of guilt. Guilt is destructive and will harm you if you behave based on it. 3.Do not allow burnout to overwhelm you and not allow you to function. 4.Set priorities and boundaries and base your responding “yes” or “no” for requests for help based on them.5.When setting priorities and boundaries,be realistic in what you can do to have balance in your life.6.If you find you cannot say “no” when asked to do things,you might consider seeking out a therapist to help you set up appropriate priorities and boundaries.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss HELPING YOUR CHILD WITH ADHD- Subscribe to our page!

    March 5, 2024- Life can be a challenge for a child who does not have any particular social, personal, or academic concerns. However, for the child who has been diagnosed with ADHD and shows some combination of the characteristics of lack of focus, inattention, procrastination, hyperactivity, and impulsivity, life becomes far more complicated for them and their parents. The parent of the child with ADHD needs to try to do whatever they can to help the child function to their maximum potential. It is important to know that many persons with ADHD can be enormously successful, as well as generally successful in life by simply controlling the extra energy they often possess when compared to the non-ADHD person. They can gain by being able to multitask much easier than the average person because their mind so quickly can go from one thing to another. The key is harnessing and channeling this ability to multitask into completion of activities started. The following are things parents can do to help their child with ADHD characteristics that are negatively impacting their ability to function effectively in life: 1. Make sure the diagnosis is correct. 2. Identify if there are any overlapping conditions, such as anxiety, depression, OCD, PTSD, conduct disorder, etc. that need to be treated. 3. Set up clear expectations of what is expected of the child and make sure they are aware of what they are and consequences if not met. 4. Take over the executive function in a way to make sure that things run smoothly because lack of organization, planning, and problems completing activities are core hallmark problems of the person with ADHD. 5. Keep the person active in sports and other activities that keep them motivated to do their best and channel what would be extra energy to other persons into the tasks and activities at hand. 6. Make sure you are not neglecting other children in the family due to the extra attention given to the person with ADHD. 7. Help teach the ADHD child who does not have good social skills how to share and be a good friend with others. 8. Work closely with involved school personnel, medical persons, and counseling persons who are involved with your child to make sure all are working in the same direction in helping your child… Because ADHD tends to run in families, there is a strong possibility you as a parent also have ADHD. If you question this and determine to see if this is true, seeking out an evaluation with a verification of ADHD could be helpful for you to better understand the characteristics of your child and offer support that can also help you. Your overall goal is to make sure you and your child are moving forward to help them overcome the ADHD characteristics that can negatively impact on their personal, social, and academic life.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss SURVIVING A SURPRISE DIVORCE AT 50 OR OLDER

    February 27, 2024-Surviving a surprise divorce at any age can be very shocking,devastating and life shattering. A surprise divorce at 50 or older,called a “GREY DIVORCE”,can be particularly painful and difficult because at that age large percentages of couples have children out of the home,financial worries are often less and persons are thinking about a far less stressful future together in retirement and beyond enjoying their adult children and grandchildren. When this comes to a thunderous collapse and the person is now looking at a life away from their spouse or partner,life becomes a horrible mess. This would be true even if the two were not greatly in love. For many persons,they will have to sell their homes,work much longer than planned,lose many couple and joint personal friends,share what becomes limited financial resources,loss of security,loneliness,guilt,intense anger,low self-esteem and a horrible fear of what will become of them in an uncharted ominous future. The following are some suggestions on what to do when you are dealing with a “GREY DIVORCE” you were not expecting: 1. Accept your feelings and realize your grief period will be determined by you and not others. 2. Learn from the divorce but do not torture yourself for it. The marriage is over. 3. Guilt never helped solve a problem in the past. 4. Make sure the legal aspects of the divorce are handled by an attorney with broad “GREY DIVORCE” experience. The divorce settlement could relate to your current lifestyle and the level of work you will need to do because of your changed financial situation. 5. Do not bring your adult children into the divorce in spite of how hard it will be for you not to. They will have to emotionally work it out themselves. 6. Be kind to yourself and do not allow others to define who you are. 7. Talk to trusted family and friends about your hurt, grief and anger for emotional support. 8. Develop new routines to help set new paths in your life. 9. Seek out support groups and/or a trained therapist experienced in working with persons coming out of a “GREY DIVORCE” as you feel appropriate. 10. Do not isolate yourself. Do things and see people even if difficult. 11. Learn to enjoy being single as difficult as that may seem possible. 12. Develop your spirituality and purpose in life as you forge forth on your new life voyage.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss LET ANGER BE A TEACHING TOOL

    Anger is not usually looked at as a teaching tool. It is often seen as something that can be
    useful in protecting a person from unfairness. It also is often seen as a destructive set of
    feelings that can destroy relationships and lead to failure at work,family relationships,
    friendships and in a myriad of other social settings that require a person to not allow anger to be
    a destructive force. When a person begins to see how anger is causing problems in their lives
    and recognizes it is a negative force that is hurting them and causing them great grief, it is time
    to take a look at how anger is hurting you as well as how you can use it as a teaching tool. The
    obvious question is how can someone do this? In order to have effective anger beyond the need
    for self-preservation and setting appropriate boundaries when unfairness cannot be tolerated,
    the important thing is that all people have flaws and failings that can lead us to have anger with
    them. It can even be appropriate anger that we can choose to overlook or minimize. The
    problem is that too many persons cut people out of their lives due to unreasonable anger,
    whether it be in a marriage, family relationships, friendships, work relationships, or any type of
    interaction that we have with persons. We can let anger be a teaching tool if we are really willing
    to learn how to let anger go and deal with it more appropriately. A way to do this is to develop
    our sense of human compassion, love , spirituality and recognizing there will always be people
    who offend us to one degree or another that will include some really good people. We need to
    take a compassionate view of people we interact with, and give them the benefit of the doubt
    and realize that most slights may be remembered and not appreciated, but are not of a type we
    want to end friendships or have ongoing anger that ultimately Impacts us both physically and
    emotionally in a very negative way. Trying to understand what motivates other persons and
    recognize that life is difficult for even persons that seem immune to stress and give them the
    benefit of the doubt can make for a far more positive life for us. You will find people who have
    many friends overlook flaws and slights and make themselves available to friends and others in
    an open manner and are rewarded with less anger and more happiness. Another thing to do to
    let anger be a teaching tool is not to take ourselves too seriously and not be out measuring
    unfairness by the teaspoon or making sure that we get what we feel we deserve when clearly
    we can be picky and unreasonable. Another area of concern that causes great anger in
    persons is when we are jealous of the success of other persons or whatever advantage we feel
    they have in comparison to us. That is really a destructive use of anger. If we want to use anger
    as a teaching tool, we need to celebrate the successes of others and try to learn from them or
    accept their circumstances or skill sets are such they are more successful than we are at certain
    levels. We need to disable anger by not comparing ourselves with others, but find joy and
    satisfaction in both what we have achieved in life and what we can achieve through effort and
    seeking out what we desire. The problem with too many persons is that they never really get a
    handle on anger and they either have too much of it or in other cases they are not able to
    defend themselves and need to learn how to use anger as a tool. The important message here
    today is not to have persons not be angry and in effect allow people to take advantage of them
    and not be able to set up boundaries that are necessary in life. No, the point is that anger is
    something that needs to be a teaching tool to us to help us be more compassionate, more
    understanding and broadening our view of why people behave as they do and recognize the
    things we may see as slights, and they may be, are not worth being angry about and if we do
    not watch out, we will end many friendships that have been very positive in our lives and can
    ruin many future friendships through the use of anger. Another basic thought is to try to mellow
    out emotionally and just enjoy life as it comes and reserve anger for clear cases of inappropriate
    treatment and an important emotion to help you put up boundaries when necessary.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss MAKE THIS VALENTINE’S DAY ONE TO REMEMBER

    02-13-2024-

    MAKE THIS VALENTINE’S DAY ONE TO REMEMBER

    Some people argue that Valentine’s Day is made too big of a thing and that what is important to remember are the 365 days that proceed it. My focus on Valentine’s Day is to set the stage for the next 365 days to get ready for the next Valentine’s Day. This does not mean if someone has been non-caring for the past year that all is forgotten and forgiven on Valentine’s Day. No, my point is that whatever has occurred in the past year, make this Valentine’s Day one to remember by showing love and caring for your spouse or partner. It hopefully will be part of an ongoing river of love or a new beginning of bringing back to vitality damaged love. Too often, persons who love each other are so bogged down with activities of everyday living that they lose track of each other. Choose to let this Valentine’s Day be one you enhance your relationship and clearly put a marker down you love each other. Some ways to do this would include the following: 1. Say I love you with words, a card, an email, on Facebook or any other way you can let the person know you love them. 2. A hug, kiss with words of love always are positive expressions of love. 4. Chocolates and flowers are typical Valentine’s Day gifts but the important thing is to give the person something that shows meaningful love to them. There may be something you think is important to give the person, and by all means give that. However, with that said, it is also important to make sure you give the person that special something that is meaningful to them to show you love them and want to give something they know you know is important to them. The range of what that can be is literally anything within reason that the person desires you are capable of giving. 5. As possible, spend a day sharing love in whatever emotional or physical manner that is important to both of you. Sometimes just

    sharing time is the most important thing. 6. Going out to dinner, spending a night in a hotel, taking a walk together, watching a movie are within a range of things that can be important. I am even aware of a loving couple who are planning to make a pizza from scratch and eat it with a glass of wine, a lighted table candle and a gardenia aroma candle. As the saying goes, whatever floats your boat is what you want to do. 6. On a more serious level, if there are problems in the relationship you want corrected, make this Valentine’s Day memorable as you show your love unconditionally and indicate you are willing to do whatever you can to make the relationship have as much love and caring as possible. Let Cupid’s arrow of love have full reign!

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss HOW EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL HELPS A PERSON

    February 6, 2024- An emotional support anima(ESA) can be a great help for an individual in this complicated age loaded with anxiety, depression, and uncertainty. Persons are still recovering from the Covid lockdowns that caused so much emotional havoc due to social isolation and the lack of certainty in life they experienced. Research has shown that during the Covid lockdowns there was a noticeable increase in anxiety and depression in children and adults. It also was found that persons who had animals received much needed unconditional emotional support. At a more specific level, an emotional support animal can greatly reduce feelings of loneliness, anxiety, depression, and post traumatic stress disorder that many persons are experiencing and having problems overcoming. An ESA is another living creature who will give you unconditional love, companionship and also the opportunity to hug and share time with an animal that can be seen as solid emotional support in an often unforgiving world. I certainly see the advantages for a person who feels lonely with a lack of love and caring to seek out love and affection with an ESA as a form of treatment to help overcome suffering from various mental health conditions and feel some relief from the symptoms that can make life very difficult and sometimes even cause suicide ideation. Fortunately, emotional support animals are available to persons when there is an ESA letter verification by a mental health professional the person needs the emotional support animal as part of their treatment to help them be able to better maintain their emotional life. In fact, they are not really seen as an animal in the home or apartment, but are considered an emotional support animal who is part of a person’s treatment for conditions such as anxiety, depression or PTSD.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss WAYS FOR LONELY ADULTS TO MAKE FRIENDS

    January 30, 2024- It is maybe not that strange that in a world with so much electronic contact and every imaginable streaming service available to a person, that there are so many lonely adults. A computer can never take the place of a living friend. While obviously there are also many lonely young persons, our focus here is on adults. One reason many adults do not have friends is that they were involved with friends who were the parents of the friends of their children. As the children became older and moved away, the friendships often retreated as everyone moved on to lead their own lives away from each other. The parent who may have been the center of family relationships may no longer have much close contact with family as children leave home and develop their own families and friendships. Additionally, the relatively shy person who does not feel comfortable developing friendships may have never learned how to develop them. Regardless of the reason why friendships do not develop in adults, they are critical for human beings to feel good about themselves from the vantage points of how others see them and they see themselves. The give-and-take of friendships can really warm the psyche of an individual. The great Roman orator and philosopher, Cicero, referred to a friend as “another you”. Someone you can share all your thoughts and feelings without being put down or criticized. The following are suggestions on what someone can do who feels lonely as an adult and desires friendships: 1. Make the choice of reaching out and determining to have a friendship with another human being, 2. Make yourself available as a starting point. 3. Call family and old friends to develop friendships in the now. 4. Join a club, church group, or any other organization and become an active member. That you have a reason to meet and interact with others could lead to friendships. 5. Take risks and share your feelings with a person or persons to develop a certain level of camaraderie and positive feelings about each other. 6. Be a reliable person while developing a friendship so that someone knows they can count on you. 7. Show the person you truly care about them. Talk about things that are important to them and let them know what is important to them is also important to you. If you have not developed or lost the ability to care for another person, work on it, and repeat affirmations you do care about others and you are going to try to understand them and relate to them as a caring human being. 8. Be willing to be vulnerable in a relationship and recognize there is potential for being hurt, but the potential for developing a friendship and being close with another person or persons make the risks worthwhile. This could be very delicate and difficult if a person has had problems with relationships in the past or has not been comfortable entering into friendships. If so,this is an area that needs to be worked on. 9. Seek out a trained therapist as you feel appropriate who knows about developing friendships to help you…. As you attempt to enter into a “New World” to develop friendships that can last the rest of your life, look forward to it.The voyage may be rocky and difficult, but the rewards are remarkable as being lonely is very sad and bad for a person’s physical and mental health.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320 AM discuss HOW TO SHOW PEOPLE THEY MATTER TO YOU

    January 16, 2024 We live in an age where more and more persons are isolated from each other and often their major communication is not with human beings but with computers and other electronic devices. This isolation also is enhanced for many by working at home, a breakdown in the traditional and extended family, less involvement and participation in community, social and church organizations. The rise in percentages of persons with anxiety and depression is not surprising because humans as a whole need and thrive with human interaction and the acknowledgment they belong and matter to others. Each of us can help persons by showing they matter to us. This will help enhance their self-esteem and desire to see more purpose in their lives. The following are ways to show people they matter in your life: 1. Make time for them. This is very basic and very critical. 2. Let them know they matter to you. 3. Explain how they matter to you. 4. Listen to their concerns with attention and sincere interest. 5. Show genuine compassion and understanding. 6. Be available in the present if needed. 7. Believe in and support their dreams they are trying to accomplish in their lives. 8. If it is someone you work with or regularly interact, always have a smile and be available if they desire to talk. 9. Be positive and do what you can to help the person kick out negativity. 10. Encourage hope. It is critical in good and bad times to help keep a person moving forward with hope as they do what they feel must be done to be successful in their lives.11. In discussions with them, focus on them and not you or some other person.12. Let persons know you are grateful for whatever they are doing that you appreciate. This can be family members, coworkers, employees, employers, community persons, political leaders, or anyone you have gratitude. 13. In the case of children, spouses, and other loved ones, constantly acknowledge them and let them know how much they matter to you. They may know you love them and appreciate that, but always let them know how much they matter to you. 14. Regularly verify over and over again that they matter to you…Some of these things may seem obvious, but it is important we let persons know they matter to us. When persons feel they do not matter to others, the isolation they feel in this electronic age can lead to not only depression and anxiety, but also even suicide ideation. There is no cost to letting persons know they matter to us and the benefits to them feeling better knowing they matter to others can keep or enhance positivity in them. You will receive appreciation from them from your efforts helping them enhance their self-esteem and performance in life by you singling them out and letting them know they matter to you.

    Dr Braccio & Mike Austin of 1320AM discuss SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER(SAD) IS BACK FOR MANY PERSONS

    January 2, 2024- Seasonal Affective Disorder(SAD) is a form of depression that occurs with the change of seasons. It tends to begin and end at the same time. It affects 5 percent of the U.S. population ,lasts about 4 months and is more frequent among women than men. It occurs in Michigan and similar weather areas during winter when it is cold,with short days and little sun. At a personal anecdotal level, I talked to four persons last week who all related they were getting tired of the overcast weather with the lack of sun and were getting run down and feeling sad. This condition clearly saps your energy and leads to a form of depression called SAD. Common characteristics of Seasonal Affective Disorder would include feeling sluggish, having low energy levels,sleeping too much or not enough, having difficulties concentrating on what needs to be done, substance abuse, feeling hopeless and even guilty for the feelings of depression, having no interest in things that normally keep the person interested and sometimes even excited, feeling sad and not enjoying good portions of the day if not the whole day, weight gain, changes in appetite that can include a craving for foods that are high in carbohydrates, and even suicide ideation and feeling it is not worth going on with these feelings. Fortunately suicide ideation is no not typical, but is something to be aware of in yourself or someone you really care about. There can be Seasonal Affective Disorder in the spring and summer but percentages are much higher in the northern parts of the country and world where there is a lack of sunshine, short days, cold temperatures and a high percentage of cloudy conditions without sun. These tend to be in areas far north and south of the equator. Causes of SAD would include a drop in serotonin levels, which is the brain chemical/neurotransmitter that affects the mood of persons and can play a major role in SAD. A lack of sunshine can also cause a drop in serotonin that may bring upon depression. Another cause would be melatonin levels which can negatively impact the balance of melatonin in the person which impacts a person’s sleep patterns and overall mood. Additionally, your biological clock – circadian rhythm – can disrupt your body’s internal clock by having a lack of sunshine that can bring upon depression. If you feel you are becoming particularly sad as the winter season progresses with the lack of sunshine, short days and cold temperatures, remedies would include medication for depression, counseling, exercising, replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts, a light box that replicates actual sunlight, a good diet and even if possible a vacation in the winter to parts of the country loaded with sunshine and warmer temperatures. Many persons just accept they have SAD and do not do enough to try to overcome it. If you start having problems due to SAD with substance abuse, problems with work, family or school, social withdrawal, and for sure with suicide ideation or thoughts, it is time to strongly consider meeting with a therapist who is an expert in SAD and also your medical doctor for potential medication and advice on how to best take care of yourself mentally and physically. If it happens yearly around the same time, it is wise to seek treatment before SAD begins.