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Question

Dr.Braccio:  Our fourteen-year old son has had a rocky and difficult eighth grade silifke eskort ilanları year.  He’s been in his first puppy love, which ended in disaster, has been crabby at home and school, wants to be part of the “in group” and continues to be obsessed with how he looks.  A little pimple on his face gets him upset.  As my husband laughs and says, “He’s a general pain in the wazzoo”.  He’s our oldest of four and we wonder if this is what we should expect.  We are a close family and talk a lot, but he’s difficult to deal with much of the time.

Answer

Welcome to puberty and middle school life in the family lives of adolescents and parents.  Things will be at least as complicated next year when he begins high school.

Adolescence is and has been a difficult time.  Children go from elementary school where relationships and body changes occur but nothing like the radical changes that occur in adolescence.  They become very aware of what they look like and too often seem to compete and compare themselves with others.  They become aware of sexuality and the opposite sex.  Feelings of unattractiveness, awkwardness and low self-esteem can cause so much hurt.  Even the changes of voice from the light timber of a child to the beginning of adult sound can be difficult.  A squeak every now and then is not unusual.

Social positioning also changes dramatically.  To be popular and part of the in crowd becomes far more complicated and difficult.  How fast you can gallop on the playground or how many dolls you have becomes irrelevant and is replaced with social graces and getting along with the opposite sex.  Of course, to be a good athlete is very helpful with social status. Unfortunately, to be a top academic student is too often not given enough status and parents and school personnel need to praise it.

Because everything is so new and solid maturity and personality balance are often lacking, it can be a very difficult for persons who do not fit in.  Adolescents are often even cruel as they criticize and ostracize those who are seen as slow and not cool.  This causes great pain in many boys and girls as they are going through so many physical and emotional changes and need to struggle to find self-satisfaction and self-esteem growth.  The lack of maturity and life experience in seemingly adult bodies often leads to bad decisions and conflicts with parents and school officials.

The positive thing is that most persons adjust to middle school and then high school after going through growing pains.

It is important during these adolescent years that you try hard to keep good communication open with our children.  We must listen to them, have their confidence and give them the best advice we can.  That is what good parenting is all about.

That you are close as a family is very important to “survive” the adolescence years of your children.  Parents must have developed strong bonding since birth to have the family strength to overcome the many societal and peer temptations that are so available to adolescence:  Inappropriate sexuality, illegal drugs, dare devil activities and poor peer choices to name a few.

A strong spiritual or strong moral sense of right and wrong must be in place to help your son and other children make good decisions and be a positive leader for his peers.  That he will make many mistakes is to be expected.  Make sure you are there to be a strong guide and example for him.  With your support, he will hopefully focus more and more on being a good person, friend, citizen, son, student and contributor to society.

Dr. Braccio Talks on “The Drive With Jack Ebling” Radio Show with Graham Couch of the Lansing State Journal and Jack Ebling on 4/22/14 about how the continuing glow of the “Rose Bowl” will last for a long time.  They discuss how the feelings for the future konya merkez kadın escort ongoing success for the program in 2014 are much higher than they were in 1988.  They also discuss the 2014 football season.  As always, the key is how the future will play out.

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Dr.Braccio talks about what happens karatay bayan arkadaş psychologically if the citizens of a Constitutional Republic lose faith in their elected officials in Washington, D.C.  Sadly, he feels many citizens feel this way.  Hopefully, this will change over time.

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Dr.Braccio talks about the amazing relationship between “Princess kocasinan escort bayan Lacey” and Adreian Payne.

They both gained so much from each other.  It was a unique friendship of great love. No one can know the facts and not have tears of great happiness and sadness. I hope there is eventually a movie about the whole situation to make millions feel good about the human race. We read so much about the evil deeds of human beings that it is wonderful to see good deeds of human beings clothed in golden loving friendship. We need more of this. They each had great adversity and in their own ways nobly overcame them with their remarkable loving friendship.

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Dr. Braccio Talks to Rich Herl on the “Tony Conley Radio Show” about The Motivation of Ivan Lopez in his shooting rampage at Fort Hood on 4/8/14.

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How do you get over the disappointment of not getting your dream job?  How do you get past not getting the big account that could grow your business and change your life?  How do you get over not getting the big raise that could give your family financial security?   How does an athlete like Keith Appling get over a poor performance in his last game as a Spartan?

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Dr.Braccio talks with Jack Ebling and Graham Couch, of the Lansing eskort mersin State Journal, about the amazing emotion raging in the psyches of the players, coaches and fans in a one and out tournament such as the NCAA Basketball Tournament.  They discuss the emotions that must have been going thought he minds of Seniors Keith Appling and Adreian Payne when they saw their 16 point lead turn into a 2 point deficit and their careers could have ended.  They also discuss the heartbreak of Wichita State when losing to Kentucky when a last shot failed ending a historic 35 game winning streak.

Flight 370 in Malaysia has generated great human interest for millions around the world.We can relate on kocasinan eskort bayan these factors among others:  We all fly.  We all could imagine this happening to us or someone we love.  We put our total trust in the pilots.  We have families and loved ones.  We can identify with losing a family member.  Who could imagine a 777 being lost for nearly two weeks?  What happened inside the plane?  What did the passengers know and when did they know it?  How did the passengers feel?  Additionally, there are concerns about potential terrorism, hope overtaking reality, the concern of evil versus good, and potential use of the 777 plane as a terrorism instrument.

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Question

Dr.Braccio:  My worrying sent me to kocasinan escort ilanları the emergency room.  I thought I was going to die.  My whole body was trembling, my heart was pounding and I had a splitting headache.   I was told I had a panic attack and to quit worrying.  I’d like to but I am a worrier and feel I should be.  My mother and sisters are the same as me.  We laugh and agree I have just taken worrying to a new level.  My adult children and husband tell me to loosen up and stop seeing the worst possible outcome to everything.  I know they’re right, but what can I do to change?  I can’t have another panic attack.  I have medication from my family physician but want to control my own feelings without it.  I was actually worrying about an interview for a promotion my son was taking in Illinois when my panic attack began.

Answer

You need to relax, stop and smell the roses.  Do not believe you “should” be a worrier.  Life is too short to always be worrying and accepting it as a part of your life.  By expecting the worst, you take worrying over small every day matters to the level of “catastrophic “ events.

You can change but it will be hard because you have been at it for years.  Hopefully the fear of panic attacks can help you to change your outlook so it never happens again.  As you have found, panic attacks are horrible and to be avoided.

Whether your son got the promotion or not, your getting a panic attack and going to the hospital over it had no impact on his interview and caused you needless emotional and physical agony.

The following are some suggestions to help to reduce the possibilities of having another panic attack.

1.    Continue to meet with your physician about the use of medication. That may be necessary until you can take more control of your anxiety.

2.    Eliminate “should” from your vocabulary.  It infers a moral failure that you are not doing something you must do.  This leads to useless guilt.

3.    Replace the word “should” with a choice statement.  For example, “I choose to help or not help my neighbor today”, versus, “I should help my neighbor”.

4.    Smile and laugh when you feel intense and ready to worry.

5.    Recognize all the worrying in the world will not change what happens.

6.    Find joy in life everyday.

7.    Use deep breathing, self-hypnosis, meditation, yoga, music or any other way to relax and put the “tiger” to sleep and bring out the peaceful “lamb” in you.

8.    Recognize the emotional and physical cost of worrying.  The trip to the hospital and the agony of a panic attack show you the havoc worry does to your body and mind.

9.    Choose a worry time every day when you will worry and push worries away until that time  This can be very helpful.

10.  Exercising.

11.  Talking with a friend.

11.  Determine what you can realistically do day-by-day and do it.

12.  If necessary, seek out a therapist experienced in panic attack treatment if you cannot effectively get over your anxiety and any resulting panic attacks.

Any questions or comments would be appreciated.

If you feel you need outside support, you can seek out a pastor and/or therapist experienced in such situations as yours.

The rewards for you and the children are so huge that no effort can be too great to keep your marriage together.

Any questions or comments would be greatly appreciated.

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Question

7.    Learn to love yourself more.  You will then find far more understanding and love for others.

8.    Focus on active listening.  This means you listen to what someone says, ask questions to resolve what you do not understand and with that information, respond in a civilized and problem solving mode.

9.    Admit when you are wrong.  Honest contrition has mellowed countless angry hearts.

10.  Find at least one good thing to say about people you see every day.

11.  Spend time every day being grateful for what you have in life.

12.  Cut out sarcastic comments completely.  They are hurtful and a form of bomb throwing that will never be helpful to anyone.

13.  Before you make a statement, ask yourself if it will gain you what you desire.  An example would be if you wanted a friend to help you, you would not yell at them and demand they help you.

14.  Stop drinking alcohol.  That things are worse when “doing some drinking” is a clear sign that alcohol is bad for  you and to stop drinking would be a positive thing.

It will be hard for you to change after being this way for your whole life.  The positive thing in your favor is you desire to change and are aware of the problem.  That you love your children shows you have the capacity to effectively love yourself and others.

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Even if she continues for a period of time to have a hard time changing, hopefully she can begin to see the excitement and fun that comes from spontaneously trying new things.  That both of you could do it together would be great fun in a positive mother/daughter bonding situation.

Any questions or comments would be appreciated.

Dr.Braccio talks with Jack Ebling and Graham Couch mersineskort about the surprising lack of action from Jim Delany, The Big Ten Commissioner, in the aftermath of the physical fight in the Ohio State University and the University of Michigan Football Game.

Dr.Braccio talks with Jack Ebling and Graham Couch about the surprising lack of action from Jim Delany, The Big Ten Commissioner, in the aftermath of the physical fight in the Ohio State University and the silifke escort numaraları University of Michigan Football Game.

Dr.Braccio talks about unhappiness in many persons during the five week holiday period and what can be escort mersin done to help counter it.

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3.  Control what you think.  This deceptively difficult task is very hard for most people to do.  Begin by consciously not thinking about “what ifs “ and “catastrophic” thoughts.  Recognize that all the worrying in the world will not resolve a problem.  When you have a concern to resolve, plan a way to have the best chance for success.  See life as having risks but put risks in perspective.  Try to see life as an exciting and individual adventure for you to experience rather than worrying about everything that might happen.

4.  Use cognitive restructuring statements to change anxiety producing statements to positive non-anxiety ones.  For example, say “The kids are out and nothing bad will happen to them” versus “I know they will get in an accident”.  Another would be to say, “I’ll do just fine when I present my job report” versus  “I know I’ll get nervous and look stupid when I present my job report”.

5.  Try to focus on enjoying the present and not worrying about yesterday or “what iffing” about the rest of the day and tomorrow.  In an often unpredictable world, plan as best you can, prepare for problems and enjoy your life as you live it.

Expect change to come slowly as you reduce anxiety by trying the above strategies.  Success will come and you will lead a much happier life.

If after trying the above, you feel you are not improving or improving to the level you desire, you may find it helpful to seek an experienced therapist with anxiety disorders.

Any questions and comments would be appreciated.

This IS an example of “Active Listening”:

Parent:       “How are you today?”

Daughter:  “Not good”.

Parent:       “You do seem upset.  What happened?”

Daughter:  “ My friend Judy said a mean thing to me”.

Parent:       “How do you feel about that?”

Daughter:  “I’m hurt and upset.”

Parent:       “So, you’re really upset?”

Daughter:   “Yes.  I don’t like that from a friend.”

Parent:        “What are you going to do?”

Daughter:   “I’m gonna call her tonight and talk to her and say how I feel.”

Parent:        “Do you think that will work?”

Daughter:   “I guess so.  That’s how we deal with things like this.”

Parent:        “Sounds like a good idea.”

Daughter:   “Thanks mom.”

With effective “Active Listening” the following occurs:

1.  The feelings of the child are validated and heard in a safe problem-solving environment.

2.  Parents do not distract the child from addressing the problem.

3.  Parents do not intervene unless there is a danger or unreasonable abuse of the child.

4.  The parent only gives advice and solutions when necessary.

It appears you two are ready to make some changes and help your daughter.  To keep in contact with the teacher and school counselor seems reasonable.

Any questions or comments would be appreciated.

Question

Dr.Braccio:  With support from my husband, sister and God, the doctors tell me they believe I have karatay escort beaten colon cancer.  My concern is that my mother and one sister seemed so distant with me during the past year.  This also happened with a few friends.  The hurt came because I have always been there for all of them whenever there was a problem or a concern.  Even though my mother and sister are both immature selfish and I feel like the parent, I expected more from them.  But when I was in crisis, they were not only not there, but seemed to resent me for my severe health problem and my inability to console them on their issues.  Only one friend was honest enough to say she was used to me being a support to her and she had no emotional energy for me. A few unexpected persons out of the blue stepped up and helped me emotionally.  What’s wrong here and should I be upset?

Answer

The problem is that you gave too much emotionally to those who will not now reciprocate because they cannot or have no desire to do so.  You have every right to be upset.  When one gives so much as you have emotionally, it is only reasonable to assume others will give back when you are in need.  This would particularly be true with your mother and sister.  Apparently, their immaturity and selfishness are such that they chose to not be supportive to you during your crisis.  Some of your friends fit into this same category.

As painful and hurtful as this is to you emotionally, it is not that uncommon.  Too often, the world is divided into ”givers” and takers”.  You are a giver who has been surrounded by too many takers.  That this includes your own mother and sister must be particularly painful.  It also is true that a friendship is a like a wonderful and nourishing mirror where each person reflects understanding to the other.  Some of your relationships have not been true friendships.

It is fortunate you have spiritual beliefs.  They are so reinforcing and splendid in times of crisis.

A key concept for you in relationships is that you need to remember the wise statement that says you need to “love yourself” as well as “your neighbor”.  You have too often left “yourself” out of your relationships.  This is particularly true with people who will only take support but not give it back.

In the future, you need to determine who you want to be around.  A key standard would be to seek out persons with your capacity to reach out and help others. Then when you give, you know you are appreciated and the person will be there for you when needed.  You can begin this with the friends and family who stood by you during your ordeal as well as the persons who “stepped up and helped”.  They are like you and deserve your friendship.  Your husband and sister are good persons like you.

Any questions or comments would be appreciated.

2.  Go to a center like Sylvan Learning Center and get more individualized and structured support to help him with his academic performance and to learn to believe in his ability to succeed.  At present he is defeated, angry and not willing to try.  This type of environment with success could turn your son in the right direction.

3.  Always encourage him to do his best.  Applaud every success and effort he makes.  Positive encouragement can help a lot.

4.  Obtain a full physical to determine if his academic problems could be related to a physical problem.

5.  Get your son a comprehensive psycho-educational assessment to determine if there are any specific learning disabilities.  This could potentially be done at the school or by a private practice psychologist experienced in educational assessments.

6.  Continue with the counseling if your son is willing to work on his problems.  If there is not a good rapport between him and his counselor, you may seek a new counselor.  This is said with the awareness the problem may be with the attitude of your son and not the bonding they have not developed.

It is important you be aware it will be very hard to help your son due to his negative ingrained attitude, anger and history of poor academic success over an extended period of time.  It is equally important for you to be aware change can come with continuing love and effort on your part and trying to implement some of the above suggestions.

Any questions or comments would be appreciated.