April 16, 2024- One of the major complaints I regularly hear from one spouse or partner about the other over the years in my work as a psychologist is the lack of needed emotional communication and ongoing commitment to continue it. Like a garden,emotional communication must be addressed daily. If problems are not addressed and changed,they can lead to very unhappy relationships and too often can end them. The general belief is that this is more of a problem with men than women. Even if this were true, there are certainly many women who have problems in communication at an emotional level. With that said, it is safe to say each person is unique in regards to their willingness and ability to have effective emotional communication and commitment to it. There are some critical factors that are important in order for a partner or spouse to know the other desires a strong emotional commitment and is willing to work on it. This requires the willingness to share important things about themselves that allow a loving long term relationship or marriage to grow positively against all the pressures that can and predictably will occur over time. Critical factors would include the following: 1.Honest and authentic expression of feelings about yourself. 2.Be willing to be vulnerable emotionally and share how you truly feel about things. 3.Explain previous experiences in life to help explain how you have become the person you are. 4.Turn off electronic and other distractions for hopefully daily times to share feelings. 5. Try to use active listening to make sure you get the full message being sent to you before responding or interrupting. This can be very hard to do if you feel you are not being understood. 6.Recognize there will be rough spots where honest disagreements will occur and emotional communication will not succeed. Accept that and keep trying. 7. Be available emotionally during difficult times. 8. Hugs and kisses are important forms of emotional communication. 9 .Develop stronger spirituality with the possible support of a priest or minister could be helpful. 10. Seek out a therapist if you feel necessary to help give guidance on how to be more effective at emotional communication.