Question 
Dr.Braccio: My thirteen year old son has caused me and his grandmother, who silifke eskort ilanları lives with us and helps raise him, a lot of hurt lately with lying over stupid things. He tries to minimize it by saying all kids lie to their parents and grandparents and we’re going overboard. We may have reached him a few days ago when we were so mad and hurt that we cried and really gave it to him. His grandmother said she looks after him when I work to make his life better and I work hard to give him a good life. We both said we only want him to be truthful. He now says he will. We have no close family and it is basically the three of us. We wonder what we can say to reinforce the importance of telling the truth. Are we going overboard?
Answer
You are not going overboard. A person’s word is critical to how others evaluate his or her quality as a human being. No one respects a liar. A liar cannot have a true friend. Truth is critical to any type of meaningful relationship. The more you can help him understand this the better. That both of you had to cry and get so upset may have worked this time but most likely will not over time unless he continues to be committed to telling the truth. Even if it is true that some children do lie to their parents and grandparents, it is still very inappropriate and you will not allow it. Consequences for lying need to be determined and spelled out to him if his lying continues.
The following are some key concepts for you both to use with him. You need to try to interject them in your day to day conversations.
1. A minimal and critical standard in any important relationship is the truth. There can be no compromise.
2. It is morally wrong to lie from a right versus wrong outlook. This is true from either a spiritual or secular perspective.
3. Trust is a quality that must be earned over time through honest interactions.
4. It is hurtful to those who care when someone lies to them. Your situation is a good example.
5. One’s self-esteem becomes battered over time when one becomes “a liar”. Guilt and fear of getting caught will minimize the quality of one’s life.
6. Good and bad habits are developed through repetition. To become a liar is a habit never to develop and one to break if ever developed.
7. Liars have bad reputations among good people. Liars limit their interactions to only other liars and people with low standards for the behavior of others.
8. Children that lie damage relationships with friends and family that leads to less benefits in the form of love, caring and respect.
Any questions or comments would be appreciated.