Question
Dr.Braccio: My husband and I just had the final high school graduation party for anamur bayan escort our youngest child. We’ll be empty nesters in September. Our concern is that we’ve lost ourselves as a couple over the years. We get along fine but lack closeness emotionally and physically. Our priorities were our children and they are all doing well. We want to get close but quite candidly are awkward even when we talk about ourselves and feelings let alone anything more intimate. We want to love each other like we did but have no idea what to do. Our pastor has suggested a marriage encounter weekend. What do you think we should do?
Answer
You need to put the love back into your marriage. With the two of you in agreement that you “want to love each other like you did”, nothing can stop you but yourselves. The key is to find a strategy to start.
A marriage encounter weekend is a great idea. You can go back to the beginning of your relationship through discussion and written dialogue. Begin to fan the embers to put the magic of emotional and physical intimacy back into your relationship. After being loving and successful parents, refocus the energy and emotion you selflessly used to help them back into yourselves.
The following are some suggestions to help:
1. Because it is hard to say things of emotion to each other in person, you can begin to write notes of endearment to each other. If this is too hard, find cards and poems that express your feelings. This type of dialoguing can be most effective.
2. Try to express feelings of endearment to each other when possible in an attempt to draw closer together. Even if initially awkward, set aside times to do this.
3. Hug and touch each other in caring ways in an attempt to develop more and more intimacy. You do not know what you have been missing.
4. Reminisce about when you fell in love and how it felt. Try to rekindle the old feelings. As an old Romberg song goes, “Golden days in the sunshine of our happy youth”.
5. Revisit places you were at as lovers that can help bring back the old memories.
6. Do new things to build a new base where emotional and physical intimacy can develop. You two are in a rut where intimacy has been lacking. A trip to Mackinaw Island, Florida or even a local hotel for the night could be helpful.
7. Share romantic movies and love ballads together. Listen to popular music from the past that can conjure up loving memories.
8. If in spite of your best efforts you cannot bring the old feelings back, you may find an experienced therapist could be helpful.
I would say prognosis is very good for you two. You were great lovers and then became great parents. Now is the time to bring back the intimate emotional and physical love you had and again deserve. Go for it!