Question
Dr.Braccio: Our eight year mersineskort old daughter isn’t realistic. She always thinks she’s right and gets everyone mad at her. Teachers find her annoying and she can’t keep friends her own age. What can we do? My husband is ready to pull out what little hair he has left and I’m at a loss. We’ve always tried to build her up emotionally and do not want to change that.
Answer
You need to begin by letting her know she must change her attitude and behaviors. Let her know you love her and want her to love herself; however, she must learn that she is not always right and needs to respect others and their views. She needs to live by the wise golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.
It is possible in trying to “build her up” that you have gone too far and innocently have helped cause the current ongoing problem. Whether that is true or not, the key is not to focus on what you may have done wrong, but to change the attitude, negative behaviors, and resulting bad relationships of your daughter. The task will be difficult but you must do it for your daughter’s sake.
The following are some suggestions to help you:
1. You and your husband need to determine what is acceptable give and take behavior.
2. Accept you will better enhance her self-image by insisting she be realistic and accept when she is wrong and learn how to get along with others and be a good friend. These are skills that need to be developed.
3. When she is wrong and argues she is right, do not argue back and forth with her and become like her brother or sister. Let her know when she is wrong, explain it to her and leave it alone.
4. Discipline her with a consequence she is aware will occur if she continues to argue even after you have told her she is wrong about something and explained why.
5. You and your husband both need to model the kinds of sharing and conciliatory behaviors you desire in your daughter. Never underestimate the power of positive modeling in shaping attitudes and behaviors.
6. Encourage her when she behaves appropriately with the goal of having it continue. This is a key strategy to begin to ingrain the kinds of behaviors and attitudes you desire. Too often, we overlook “catching them” when they are doing what we desire.
7. Because she also has problems at school, it would be helpful to coordinate your efforts with the counselor and other involved school personnel.
8. Do not waver if the going initially gets tough. That is what often happens when you try to change attitudes and behaviors that people use in their normal interactions with other people.
9. Seek a therapist experienced in such matters if you find you cannot improve the situation.
Any questions or comments would be appreciated.