Question
Dr.Braccio: My nine year old son knows silifke eskort ilanları how to push all my buttons. He puts things off and always wants to do later what I want him to do now. I talk to him, argue with him and plead with him to be more responsible for himself. He fights with me, seems to give in and then does what he wants. His brother and sister are not like this. He’s generally good at school and definitely does whatever his “old school” father tells him to do. His father tells me our son is the parent and is training me. I try to be a balance to the hard line of my husband. My mother laughs and agrees with him. What do you think? What should I do?
Answer
You need to take control of the parenting of your son. In an odd way, your mother and husband are right. He is basically training you to be upset at him all the time and he ends up doing what he wants. You are like his battling sister rather than a mother.
You have gone too far in trying to be a balance to his “old school” father. For at least until you get back in control, you need to take up this approach. You can listen to your son, but final decisions need to be yours.
It is relatively common for one parent to balance out another parent when one is stern and the other is more easygoing. Many times this arrangement results in well-adjusted children. In your home, this appears to be happening with the exception of the relationship between you and your son. Now is the time to get that relationship in a healthy parent-child mode.
Begin by enlisting the support of your husband. I predict he will be more than ready to help out. Because the other two of your children do not behave this way with you, specifically address your concerns with him. You and your husband can meet with him and say the game is over and you are now taking up your legitimate role as his mother. Specifically spell out expectations and have consequences when he refuses to do what he needs to do. For example, if he does not take the trash out by the time you set, then he will not be able to watch television or something else he wants that day. The key is for you to be consistent and carry through with consequences.
Always remember that your goal as a parent is to raise a responsible child who is respectful to his parents and others. Your son is not that way with you. Common sense and good parenting demand you end this problem situation now. I am sure you will.
Any questions or comments would be appreciated.