Question
Dr.Braccio: My seventeen year old karatay kadın escort son is strongly influenced by a person he thinks is a friend but is someone who always lets him down. This is said even though he’s always friendly to his face. He says he’s coming over and doesn’t show up. I’ve warned him about him and he seems to even agree with me when he has hurt him. But then he’s back again with him. The thing that pushed me to contact you was when he lied to get him in trouble at school with some of his friends. He gained nothing but hurt my son and his relationships. Even though the principal told him and me what was said, he has trouble not believing his friend when he says he didn’t say it. When at my suggestion he asked him to go and meet with the principal, the boy said he didn’t want to meet with the principal under any circumstances and they’re again back together. What’s wrong and what should I do?
Answer
It seems your son values this friendship to the point he is blind to what is happening. It is clearly a case of low self-esteem. He values the “false friendship” over respect for himself. This is more common than you would think at his age. Do not bank on it, but in all probability he will eventually tire of this relationship and move on. It would then be a building block on what not to accept in a friendship.
Even though you have not been successful to date, you need to reinforce to him how bad this person is for his self-esteem and that he will continue to hurt him as long as he chooses to be with him. Even if he gets upset, to say something when he is hurt and obviously not being treated unfairly is good parenting. To discuss the situation whenever he is willing is also good parenting.
The fact he would lie about your son for no apparent motive and thus hurt his relationship with others shows the mischief this person is capable of doing. He simply lies to cause trouble for your son, even if he apparently gains nothing from it. Even though his only motive may be to bother your son and feel powerful, there very well could be some jealousy or anger he has for your son that is not seen.
The apparent lack of motive with someone who is “always friendly to his face” makes it hard for your son to end the friendship. That someone can be such a bad friend and lie so easily is alarming. That he continues to hone his skills on your son is not only painful to him but he could get in major trouble if this boy succeeds in lying about a serious problem such as stealing, drug use, drug manufacturing, sexuality, or drug trafficking in the future.
To enlist the help of the school counselor or an experienced therapist in the community on such matters could be helpful.
Even if your prospects seem poor at present to change things, be patient and try to be available to your son when he is lied to and treated poorly. Hopefully, there will come a day in the near future when he will rise up and end this unfortunate and destructive relationship.
Any questions or comments would be appreciated.