Question
Dr.Braccio: We always try silifke eskort ilanları to give everything we can to our two children and give them opportunities we never had. Granted, we’ve not always gone to as many of their events as our parents did and as we have wanted because of our heavy work schedules, but both of us have always been involved as best we can and try to be around to help. What hurts us is that both children told us that they feel they’re second in our lives and even though they love and appreciate their grandparents, they feel they are asked to do our work. They want us around them more. We’ve tried to talk to them and explain the work situation, but both are not happy with us. Our parents feel we need to slow down in our careers and have more quality time with the kids as they did with us. We wonder if they’re brats or if we’re the problem. What’s wrong here? What’s missing that makes two early teens so upset?
Answer
Let me begin by complimenting you for trying to give every opportunity to your children that you never had. This is a noble goal. What is missing is the bonding with your children that you had with your parents. Ironically, even though you had less, your relationship with your parents was better than what you both have with your children. To have “things” is wonderful, but they do not make up for involved parenting, family bonding and the love that comes from close family relationships.
Your children want more time with both of you. Your parents are right when they say you need more “quality time” with your children. They want you more involved in their lives. They want you at their events and as integral parts of their lives. That they have not chosen peer relationships over both of you is a tribute to your parents and very positive in this day and age. They have worked to maintain the sense of family with your children as they instilled it in both of you. If they were brats, they would want more things and not more time with both of you.
A problem is that you want your parents to take on your role with the children. Your children have a legitimate concern here. Accept this and realize you need to take on the role of active and involved parents now or forever lose this role. Also remember in a few years they will be on their own. If you want a long term close relationship, you need to cement the bonding they obviously want.
You obviously have a strong sense of family and great love for your children. They obviously love both of you. What they are crying out for is more love in the form of your time and less things. To honor their request would be a demonstration of the love you have for them.
A good suggestion would be for you two to examine what is important in life and make plans accordingly. You need to look at your careers and time commitments in relation to family commitments. Finding the balance is a problem for many persons. I am sure your love will give you direction.