Question
Dr.Braccio: My oldest silifke eskort ilanları son just turned 15 at the end of November and is in ninth grade. School has always been an issue for him, but lately he is really struggling. Right now, he is getting two Es, one C and one B. His last report card had two Es, one D and one C. He also seems to have issues with anger and will just shut down when he’s upset. He does see a counselor but is not all that receptive ‑‑ he feels there is nothing wrong. I try to explain to him the importance of a good education and a high‑school diploma and college degree. I tell him I’m willing (and I have) to sit down with him to help him with his homework, yet he brings home none, even though he is missing several assignments. I can’t force him to do his homework and get good grades, but at the same time I’m afraid he will take the “wrong road” and end up who‑knows‑where. I don’t want to see him fail ‑‑ I want him to be successful, which I also tell him! Please help. Any suggestions would be wonderful.
Answer
This is a difficult problem. He is discouraged by school over a long period of time and is doing poorly. His response has been to not try hard and just get by. Even that is not working now that he is in high school and his grades are sliding.
His anger is probably related to his lack of success in school and the negative feedback he gets because of it. He is in denial about his problem and says nothing is wrong. That he will not bring homework home seems to mean he has accepted his poor academic performance and will only do what he can while at school. He appears to have given up.
His anger shows the frustration he has with himself about school and probably other things in his life. Life is difficult for a poor student who is having less and less success academically. Even though he denies anything is wrong, his anger and attitude about school show this is not true.
The problem you have now is that his grades are such that he can flunk a grade. This could lead to him quitting school when he is sixteen and that would be very sad in a time period when a high school diploma is a minimum for getting a relatively good job.
It will be difficult to change the attitude of your son . The poor performance and lack of motivation is of long duration and getting worse. Even though it is not going well, you are trying hard to help him and you cannot give up.
The following are some suggestions to help:
1. Meet with school persons, including the school counselor, to get their ideas on what he can do to help him succeed in school. This can make them more aware of him and hopefully give you ideas on how to better help him and give him more encouragement than he might normally get in the school environment. Parental involvement is very positive and often leads to teachers, as busy as they might be, to give some special attention to someone who needs some extra support.
2. Go to a center like Sylvan Learning Center and get more individualized and structured support to help him with his academic performance and to learn to believe in his ability to succeed. At present he is defeated, angry and not willing to try. This type of environment with success could turn your son in the right direction.
3. Always encourage him to do his best. Applaud every success and effort he makes. Positive encouragement can help a lot.
4. Obtain a full physical to determine if his academic problems could be related to a physical problem.
5. Get your son a comprehensive psycho-educational assessment to determine if there are any specific learning disabilities. This could potentially be done at the school or by a private practice psychologist experienced in educational assessments.
6. Continue with the counseling if your son is willing to work on his problems. If there is not a good rapport between him and his counselor, you may seek a new counselor. This is said with the awareness the problem may be with the attitude of your son and not the bonding they have not developed.
It is important you be aware it will be very hard to help your son due to his negative ingrained attitude, anger and history of poor academic success over an extended period of time. It is equally important for you to be aware change can come with continuing love and effort on your part and trying to implement some of the above suggestions.
Any questions or comments would be appreciated.