Question:
Dr.Braccio: We recently had a blow up argument with our seventeen year old kocasinan eskort son. He’s been finding a lot of faults in us recently. It has gotten particularly bad since he began dating a girl from a home where he says they live according to how they speak. We’re good people, but do often excessively drink, swear and smoke. We also fight a lot and compete over anything. His older brother and sister adapt to us and are like us. Because he’s such a solid person, we at least are trying to look at ourselves more closely. We’ve also quit blaming her and her family for his new attitude. She is really nice and her family open and clearly good people. We’re confused and question our own behaviors. What should we do?
Answer
You need to model the behaviors you want your children to exhibit. Drinking, swearing, fighting and smoking are behaviors most parents would not want to model for their children.
Based on your own description of yourselves, it is reasonable for your son to have concerns and voice them about the behavior and overall environment of his family home.
Your lifestyle, while it may seem comfortable in its habits to you, does not provide your son with a feeling of pride, security or connectivity. If those are your values as good people, then adapting your lifestyle may benefit all of you in far ranging ways.
You need to decide the type of home you want. If you choose to live as you do, and that is your choice, you may definitely continue to lose your son’s respect over time. The fact you “are questioning your own behaviors” shows you are considering changes in your home. I think that would be a good idea. Who you determine to be as individuals will determine the kind of home environment you will have.
The following are some changes to consider that could make your home life more moderate and acceptable to everyone. You would also find there predictably would be a growth in respect, love and family unity if you try some of these changes.
1. Drink in moderation. To get drunk is not attractive or good for the health. It also can lead to inappropriate, atypical, and even dangerous behaviors.
2. Swearing is demeaning to the person doing it and to whomever the swearing may relate. Not swearing only has positives, while abusive language only has negatives.
3. It is never too late to question our values and behaviors. A new growing process can ring some great rewards to your family.
4. Fighting a lot and constant competition are very stressful. Question yourselves here: How much do you smoke, drink, and swear as a tension relief from fighting and unhealthy competing with one another? Are these actually self and family defeating behaviors?
5. Continue to support your son’s sense of values and respect his needs for life-enhancing behaviors.
You need to use the conflict to make changes that will make all of you as individuals and a family more effective, loving and unified. It is possible with a lot of soul searching and hard work.