Question:
Dr.Braccio: My husband konya merkez bayan arkadaş and I generally get along fine. The problem is that every now and then he explodes and becomes verbally abusive. We never can figure out why he snaps. This seems to be happening more frequently. In fact he has twice broken his New Year’s Resolution not to get verbally abusive. He doesn’t become physically abusive but is pretty hateful and scary. I’m asking your advice because you helped a friend of mine and her husband in your Anger Management Program who had similar problems. What should I do? We love each other. I do not want things to get worse but our marriage is at risk.
Answer:
The saying “love is not enough” seems to fit your situation. Abusive behavior has no place in any human encounter let alone when you say you love each other. You need a more patient and kind love without abusive treatment.
The following is necessary to protect yourself and help him. I would talk to him as you set up these minimal common sense standards to protect yourself. You actually are protecting him from himself and vastly improving your prospects for a peaceful and loving marriage.
1. Clearly set up boundaries for his verbal behavior.
2. Leave the situation physically when he breaks the set up boundaries.
3. Be safe. Do not ever allow him to bully or intimidate you verbally or physically. This is not yet a problem physically but aggressive spouses often begin verbally abusing and over time become physically abusive. The danger is increasing because of his more frequent verbal abusive behavior. Let him know without a doubt the police will be called if he physically strikes you.
4. If you cannot implement the above basic strategies, seek out counseling as your friend did. The long range trend for your marriage is not good without change.
Ideally, your husband will seek out Anger Management for himself to sort out why he is giving you inappropriate abusive anger. He needs to identify the anger triggers and try out new strategies with someone who can set up a supportive yet honest therapeutic environment to help him understand and change his behaviors.
These recommendations can be helpful but are basic.
You can also look at our website to see what we have on Anger Management.
Please contact me if I can be of further help.