Question
Dr.Braccio: We continue to help my husband’s two over 50 year old siblings and even their adult children with anamur eskort bayan financial support into the thousands over the years. They have never been grateful and have the attitude that, “Since you have it, you should give it to us”. What has me so mad is that my husband just met with his brother and sister and they told him he was not doing enough and demanded more. They even blamed me for holding him back from giving more and that he should not be controlled by me. Strangely, an aunt who always smiles to my face has joined in and says we should continue to help them. She also says I should go along with the wishes of my husband. She is a meddler who over the years has caused riffs in the family. She finds any family conflict and joyfully enters in and causes problems. We even live in different cities and rarely see her. I called a family meeting with both of us and our three adult children who were all in town for our wedding anniversary. They are all self-sustaining and always thought we were “stupid” to continuously help these “ingrates” (their words). My husband totally agrees but feels guilty if he does not help them. He even admitted to all of us that he has given them money I did not know about. This has really made me angry and hurt. I’ve actually had it with him and them. What do you think?
Answer
Sadly, your problem is very common. In my office, I regularly work with many family persons mad/enraged and/or hurt when being taken advantage of by other family members. Even worse is when a meddling “do-gooder” family member interferes. Not only is their meddling troublesome but they often appropriately end up roasting on the same rotisserie they try to put others on.
My best advice in dealing with family is that family has the best and first opportunity to be loved, but if they do not love you and try to take advantage of you, then treat them as you would any other negative force in your life: Kick them out! I further believe to love and help others who love and will care for you when in need is the core of a happy family life specifically and a happy life in general.
With that advice as a basis, your husband needs to be polite but firmly tell his aunt to stop meddling and become their financial support if she so desires. Give her the burden and stay out of it. You have no need to explain anything else to her other than that. You can never satisfy a “family meddler” and they will use whatever you tell them in a negative way. They are never happy and love to cause trouble for others. She may very well call you in the future and complain when they take advantage of her and treat her poorly.
As far as the siblings, he can meet with them and let them know the bank is closed and their future friendship must be based on family love and mutual respect or there cannot be a relationship. This will be hard on your husband. He needs to know there is a good chance their relationship will be destroyed or at best badly damaged. That you are already blamed for not sharing what in effect belongs to you and your husband shows what lack of respect they have for you. Your husband also needs to understand the damage caused in your marriage over all this. Even if you give them everyone you have, it will not be enough and you will not be respected. As said above, kick them out and forget about them unless they want a mature family relationship based on mutual respect.
Any questions or comments would be appreciated.