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January 24, 2023
Anger is a normal emotion someone feels when frustrated or feeling some level of mistreatment or misunderstanding. Anger can be helpful when protecting self or others from danger and unfair treatment. When someone has problems controlling their anger and relationships suffer or even end,then a person has unreasonable anger that must be controlled. For clarification,I am not talking about anger that results in physical abuse,or ongoing bullying,demeaning and sarcastic treatment. Loving persons cannot be around such abusive persons. We are talking here about when spouses/partners show unreasonable anger and want you to help them overcome an anger problem they acknowledge and want to overcome. Both need to recognize anger is often a secondary emotion that results from such things as fear, depression, jealousy, low self-esteem, high anxiety, substance abuse, family issues, societal expectations,and employment issues. Once the two of you have figured out the causes of the unreasonable anger, the following things can be done to help your loved one overcome it: 1.Identify the triggers for the anger and replace them with healthy ones. 2.Actively listen to what bothers them to fully understand it. 3.Always try to be as calm as possible. 4.Change the focus of a discussion that is going nowhere. 5.Allow them emotional space as needed when they are working out their anger. 6.Set boundaries for what you will accept and not accept that both of you understand and agree. 7.Make supportive statements. 8.As needed, strongly support them to seek professional help from an experienced therapist in anger management. 9.Support sought for spiritual growth and support. 10.Make sure in the process you look after your own emotional well-being. 11.Do not become co-dependent if the person does not change and you continue over and over again to put up with the anger they choose to not overcome. This is especially true if the anger is directed at you.