Tag: relaxation

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January 24, 2023

Anger is a normal emotion someone feels when frustrated or feeling some level of mistreatment or misunderstanding. Anger can be helpful when protecting self or others from danger and unfair treatment. When someone has problems controlling their anger and relationships suffer or even end,then a person has unreasonable anger that must be controlled. For clarification,I am not talking about anger that results in physical abuse,or ongoing bullying,demeaning and sarcastic treatment. Loving persons cannot be around such abusive persons. We are talking here about when spouses/partners show unreasonable anger and want you to help them overcome an anger problem they acknowledge and want to overcome. Both need to recognize anger is often a secondary emotion that results from such things as fear, depression, jealousy, low self-esteem, high anxiety, substance abuse, family issues, societal expectations,and employment issues. Once the two of you have figured out the causes of the unreasonable anger, the following things can be done to help your loved one overcome it: 1.Identify the triggers for the anger and replace them with healthy ones. 2.Actively listen to what bothers them to fully understand it. 3.Always try to be as calm as possible. 4.Change the focus of a discussion that is going nowhere. 5.Allow them emotional space as needed when they are working out their anger. 6.Set boundaries for what you will accept and not accept that both of you understand and agree. 7.Make supportive statements. 8.As needed, strongly support them to seek professional help from an experienced therapist in anger management. 9.Support sought for spiritual growth and support. 10.Make sure in the process you look after your own emotional well-being. 11.Do not become co-dependent if the person does not change and you continue over and over again to put up with the anger they choose to not overcome. This is especially true if the anger is directed at you.

October 11, 2022- It is an unfortunate fact most persons at one time or another waste a lot of their energy by being angry over trivial matters. Things as simple as a person driving too slowly on the road in front of us,a child leaving a book at school or a spouse forgetting to pick something up on the way home can lead to severe anger outbursts. This is unhealthy for the person having the anger outbursts and for the recipients. Too often anger outbursts occur with persons who lived in homes where parents were constantly bickering and fighting over many small things and they learned these behaviors when modeled by them. As a result,it is not surprising when these behaviors are in effect re-enactments in the present. The power of modeling on future human behavior is so powerful and often not understood by persons on both sides of the anger outbursts. In order to end the emotional turmoil for all involved persons,the following are suggestions on how to overcome anger outbursts over trivial matters: 1.Truly recognize how short life is and do not waste a moment we have to live on foolish and antagonizing anger outbursts over trivial matters. Carpe diem!(Seize the day!) 2.Recognize what is appropriate anger over mistreatment rather than inappropriate anger over trivial matters. 3.Think how important you will think what you are mad about in this moment will be in an hour,a day,a week,a month or a year. 4.Think about how important it is today what your great great great grandparent was upset about one hundred and twenty years ago today. 5.Replace negative anger trigger thoughts with positive and neutral thoughts. 6.Problem solve with those you get angry with to work as a team to eliminate anger outbursts over trivial matters. 7.Do deep in and out breathing and count as you do it. 8.Seek out a therapist who is expert in anger management to help eliminate trivial anger outbursts.