Tag: Self Help

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    Dr Braccio & Dave Akerly of 1320 AM discuss INTIMATE COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGES REQUIRES A WILLINGNESS TO BE VULNERABLE TO POSSIBLE BETRAYAL AND/OR INDIFFERENCE

    INTIMATE COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGES REQUIRES A WILLINGNESS TO BE VULNERABLE TO POSSIBLE BETRAYAL AND/OR INDIFFERENCE Fear of betrayal and/or indifference are mayor reasons people choose not to share deep feelings about themselves. They may have never learned how to trust or when they did people used the information as a tool to hurt them,including telling other people their deepest secrets that were only to be shared with that person. In a marriage,particularly during the time of the pandemic when couples and families are often in a lockdown mode for large periods of time,this can be a time to try to rekindle old feelings and share deep inner thoughts. Often,the couple has simply stopped sharing deep feelings due to the routine of everyday life taking over. If so,go back to the beginning and start anew. With couples or individual spouses who have never shared but have working marriages,take the risk and begin sharing deep feelings. It can be scary and difficult,but the emotional rewards can be overwhelmingly positive as the marriage accelerates into a merging of two person’s feelings into one. Someone needs to take the risk to begin. Why not you? Taking into account the wondrous possibilities for personal growth and love enhancement,why not start the process today? It may be awkward to begin,but the bountiful possible rewards to the marriage make it all very worthwhile. As the old Pepsi add proclaimed: GO FOR THE GUSTO!

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    Dr Braccio & Dave Akerly on 1320 AM discuss REASONS SPOUSES SABOTAGE THE DREAMS AND GOALS OF EACH OTHER.

    It is unfortunate how often spouses, even those who genuinely love each other, sabotage the dreams and goals of each other. Reasons would include the following: Wanting more control. Competition. Lack of security. Control over family finances. Wants more attention. Lack of trust. Dislike of roles and a desire to change them. Jealousy. Differing views on lifestyle. Anger. Inability to effectively problem solve. Getting even for perceived unfairness or disliked behavior. Deviousness. Dishonesty. Parenting differences. Strong disagreements on who controls specific aspects of the marriage. Disagreements on responsibilities. Friendships. Spirituality or lack thereof…The ability for spouses to be able to discuss these and other problem areas and eliminate them through a combination of honest soul searching, active listening, non-judgmental interaction, and genuine compromise in problem-solving mode is critical to success.

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    Dr Braccio & Dave Akerly Discuss NOT ALLOWING PILES OF STONES TO STOP YOU FROM CLIMBING THE MOUNTAINS OF YOUR DREAMS 8-25-20

    Life is made up of opportunities and obstacles. With the right mindset,this combination can make life exhilarating or very stressful and unfulfilling. We need to see obstacles as opportunities for resolution rather than insolvable problems that stop us from moving forward to meet our dreams. Do not realize as your life is marching on that your lack of fulfillment as a human being is because you have always taken the easy way out and never have realized your dreams which were within reach with the right attitude and dedication. If this is true with you,do not focus on lost opportunities. They are gone. You must now bring forth new dreams and chase them with resolute commitment and effort. Highly happy and successful people regularly state they loved the road travelled to achieve their dreams as much as the dreams themselves. Dreams vary with the person. They can range from being a business tycoon or major political figure to completing a certificate of achievement for self-fulfillment.

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    Dr Braccio speaks with Dave Akerly of 1320 AM on HUGE DEPRESSION INCREASE CAUSED BY THE PANDEMIC

    Dr John & Dave Akerly 8-18-20 HUGE DEPRESSION INCREASE CAUSED BY THE PANDEMIC One need not be a psychologist to see the emotional havoc caused by the pandemic in so many people we interact. The most current and immediate crisis aspect of the pandemic is how to educate our children at all levels ranging from pre-school to the university. Recent information from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention(CDC) is almost shocking even while seeing daily the fears so many Americans have as well as those around the world. The rates of symptoms for Depression have increased 400 percent from a year ago in responses to a survey. Not far behind is Anxiety with a 300 percent increase. In addition to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy(CBT) and appropriate medication,the following are some strategies to use to overcome Depression. 1.Notice the heroes who work every day to make our lives livable. 2.Think positive scenarios to stories/fantasies/thoughts that come to our mind. Be a positive storyteller to ourselves. 3.Reach out physically—safely —,visually or by phone to get human contact. We are social animals and need this. 4.Find ways to help others and not focus on self. Depression makes it hard to focus on anything outside of one’s own suffering. 5.Look for things to enjoy in the moment to overcome negative thoughts and feelings. 6.Get up and do something physically! Just taking a walk can be most helpful. Depression often leads to inactivity which is breeding ground for the negative symptoms of Depression that can overwhelm a person. 7.Develop psychologically supportive spirituality consistent with your beliefs.

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    THE POSITIVE OUTCOMES OF SAYING “NO”

     As we have discussed in the past,persons who agree to do too much and cannot say “NO” to requests can be overwhelmed by them.  Sadly,the statement—ASK A BUSY PERSON TO SOMETHING IF YOU WANT TO GET SOMETHING DONE—may be true,but the effects on the person can be devastating from a mental and physical health perspective as well as not allowing the person to meet their own priorities and needs. Saying “NO” is critical for a person to be able to appropriately care for self,family/children/spouse/parents,and other persons and activities the person chooses. The biblical statement whether implemented from a spiritual or secular humanist view is appropriate for the person who has problems saying “NO” to various persons wanting help-LOVE THE NEIGHBOR AS THYSELF. 

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    WHY PAINFUL CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES/PUTDOWNS TOO OFTEN ARE RELIVED IN VARIOUS FORMS THROUGHOUT OUR LIVES

     Inappropriate and unfair treatment in our youth can ingrain negative thoughts primarily about ourselves but also about others and anything else we experience in life. A parent or prominent authority person who demeans us and calls us names such as STUPID,IGNORANT,DUMMY,CLUELESS,IMBECIL,BASTARD,VILE,FILTHY,SHAMELESS/SHAMEFUL,HOPELESS,SELFISH,EVIL,GODLESS,FEARFUL,HEARTLESS,UNCARING,UGLY,ETC. in a never ending stream can impact us emotionally the rest of our lives. Even if not consciously,these negative views of ourselves can be ingrained and believed. When this occurs,poor self-esteem results in poor/failed marriages/relationships,underachieving work/academic performance,and overall unhappiness in life. It is critical to one’s self-image,happiness and overall success in life to not allow demeaning and destructive tapes from the past done by evil persons to still control our thoughts and actions. Begin to happily live your life with positive thoughts and actively shed your mind of old negative tapes. You will give credence to your own thoughts and define who you are. Go for it now!

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    BEWARE OF THE OFTEN CHARMING BUT PSYCHOLOGICALLY DANGEROUS HISTRIONIC NARCISSIST

    Narcissists are persons who think of themselves as superior to others and demand attention,absolute commitment,adulation and constant praise. They believe the sun comes up in the morning so they may have light and goes down at night so they can better sleep. They lack empathy for others and have problems in maintaining meaningful relationships. They can be charming,dynamic,charismatic and the life of any party. They can manipulate good people to do their bidding and quite often psychologically overwhelm otherwise good persons into loving them.  They then take advantage of them because of their love and commitment to them. When you add the histrionic element to the personality of the narcissist,constant drama becomes central to the relationship. Such persons are often called DRAMA QUEENS AND KINGS. When one understands the Histrionic Narcissist,the personality flaws and behaviors are self-evident. What also is amazingly evident is how good persons have relationships with them. The veritable emotional avalanche of charisma and charm directed at the desired conquest can overwhelm the common senses  of the wisest of human beings. Because the Histrionic Narcissist has no conscience and acts only on the weaknesses and desires of the victim,their success is somewhat reasonable taking into account how powerful is the desire so many humans have for love and understanding from another human being. Belore long,the mask comes off and the histrionics begin. Potential victims need to run away immediately after recognition of who they are dealing with and long before the Histrionic Narcissistic can begin the psychological devastation they so effectively cause. This is easier said than done. 

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    GO WITH THOSE WHO KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO

    Dr Braccio speaks with Dave Akerly of 1320 AM — GO WITH THOSE WHO KNOW MORE THAN YOU  DO—is good advice from parents to their children to help them advance personally and professionally in their lives. This was a constant statement of how to advance in life from my father.   He believed persons  learned and advanced in life if they surrounded themselves with persons who were working hard with the same goals. I have found him to be very  wise with his belief. In my opinion,it is a timeless statement for  young and old persons alike to be successful and productive persons for themselves,their families,their friends and all persons they interact. An equally wise counter statement of my father was—GO WITH BUMS IF YOU WANT TO BE ONE. A good rule for parenting is to to guide our children with who they choose as friends. If this is done wisely when they are young,the chances are far better they will make better choices when teenagers and adults. It continues to surprise me how often teenagers in problematic relationships come from homes where parents were not sufficiently involved in their friendship choices when younger. It is wise to have children involved in activities in churches,sports,school musical groups,Scouts,4 H,and many other organizations where discipline,teamwork and positive moral/spiritual beliefs are fostered and developed

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    Dr John & Dave Akerly 7-7-20 THE PSYCHOLOGICAL DEVASTATION OF PARENTAL ALIENATION ON CHILDREN

    A study from some years ago says 11-15% of divorces result in some form of parental alienation. Even if the numbers are smaller,anyone who has seen the severe psychological damage done to children when they experience parental alienation and/or when they are adults,the damage is clear. It is severe child abuse. Children want to love and be loved by both parents. It is confusing and psychologically damaging to the child when taught to hate a good parent while constantly hearing everything bad about him or her. This hatred can be extended to all friends and family members of the alienated parent. Such alienation can lead to self-contempt for being the child of someone so horrible. Depression,low self-esteem,anxiety,PTSD,future alienation from their own children,poor relationships,divorces,substance abuse/alcoholism,abandonment issues,unable to trust,unable to love,guilt-ridden,weak personal boundaries and long term inappropriate personal hated for a parent who may have been a loving parent…This is not a pretty picture. I have seen a lot of horrible parental alienation behavior to know all of us need to do whatever we can to not allow it to happen. The psychological devastation to the alienated children can carry on for generations with poor interactions with their children and partner relationships. School personnel,family members,judges,friends of the court,clergy,therapists and friends of the alienating parent can all try to help stop the alienating process. It is very difficult but we all can try with hopefully some success.

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    HOW TO DEVELOP A STRONGER RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF WHEN ALL YOU FIND ARE NEGATIVES

    6-30-20 Dr John Braccio and Dave Akerly on 1320 AM WILS discuss HOW TO DEVELOP A STRONGER  RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF WHEN ALL YOU FIND ARE NEGATIVES

    When thinking of building stronger relationships, we usually think of them pertaining to couples or maybe friendships, families, working persons, or groups of one type or another. That eliminates the arguably most important relationship one has: The one with yourself. The following are some suggestions that can be helpful: 1. STOP SHAMING YOURSELF WITH SENSELESS NEGATIVITY. 2. NOONE HAS DIED COMPLAINING THEY WERE TOO HAPPY AND POSITIVE IN LIFE. JOIN THIS GROUP FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. 3. STOP SELF-DESTRUCTIVE VIRTUE SIGNALING AND SELF-ABSORBED HATRED OF SELF THAT ONLY DESTROYS YOUR LIFE AND WILL PUSH POSITIVE AND HAPPY PEOPLE AWAY FROM YOU. 4. BE OPEN TO OPPORTUNITIES YOU HAVE AND BUILD ON THEM. 5. SEEK OUT OPPORTUNITIES AND DO NOT THROW THEM AWAY DUE TO SELF DEPREDATION OF ABILITY AND ABILITY. 6. DEDICATE PERIODS OF TIME IN DAYS TO APPRECIATE YOURSELF EVEN IN THE FACE OF FIERCE OPPOSITION FROM YOUR INNER CRITIC. 7. TREAT YOURSELF TO THE KINDNESS AND ACCEPTANCE YOU GIVE TO OTHERS IN SPITE OF THE HUMAN FLAWS THEY HAVE AS DO ALL HUMAN BEINGS. 8. RECOGNIZE HUMAN HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE YOU AND ONLY YOU CAN MAKE FOR YOURSELF. 9. SEEK PURPOSE IN YOUR LIFE THROUGH A RELIGIOUS OR SECULAR HUMANISTIC PERSPECTIVE

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    HOW TO BE EMOTIONALLY STABLE AND HAPPY IN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE

    In our segments on marriage we have discussed various aspects of marriage. Today we discuss how a spouse lives emotionally stable and happy in a marriage they have decided to stay in for whatever the reason when love is gone. The following techniques can be used to reach this end:  1.DO NOT ALLOW THE LACK OF LOVE IN THE MARRIAGE TO DEFINE YOU.  2.DETACH YOURSELF EMOTIONALLY FROM YOUR SPOUSE. 3.QUIT TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR SPOUSE. 4.FIND SATISFACTION IN PERSONAL ENHANCEMENT,GROUP ACTIVITIES,AND FRIENDSHIPS. 5.LET ANGER,DISILLUSIONMENT,SELF-CRITICISM,HURT,HATE AND EVEN RAGE BE REPLACED WITH THE PEACE THAT COMES FROM ACCEPTING A NEW ROAD AND OPPORTUNITIES IN LIFE. 6.DROP UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS FOR YOURSELF. 7.QUIT FAULTFINDING…The goal is to live as emotionally stable and happy as one can as one lives in a marriage without love. Spiritual and professional support can be very helpful.

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    HOW TO STOP THE “WHAT-IFFING WORRYING SYNDROME” FROM BEING A LIFE WRECKER

    To worry is the desire to control something to avoid an undesired outcome. Your anxiety will go up in relation to the amount of your waking hours you are “what-iffing”. The pattern is unfortunately a wheel of never ending anxiety with the following sequence of trying to control something, worrying about it, not able to control it, feeling highly anxious, often losing self-esteem with feelings of lack of control,and then starting on a new worry cycle that  leaves never ending emotional wreckage in its wake. 
    Anxiety that enhances low self-esteem can overwhelm you emotionally  when “what-iffing” about things you cannot control. These would include such things as the economy, climate change, nuclear arms/war,the weather,world famine, the behavior of others,etc. in an endless list that can grow daily. Unfortunately,outcomes for persons afflicted with the “what-iffing anxiety syndrome” are low self-esteem because they have no control over so many things they worry about. They then see themselves as inadequate persons or even bad and flawed human beings. They often try to micromanage themselves and unfortunate persons they interact with as their “what-iffing anxiety syndrome” overwhelms them emotionally. 
    Strategies to overcome the “what-iffing anxiety syndrome” would include clear recognition of what you can and cannot control.  The person must focus emotional and intellectual energies on distinguishing between them. Do not wear other people down emotionally who care for you with your trying to micromanage them. Do not micromanage yourself with unreasonable worries. Make better choices on what you are  going to worry about. With resulting better decision making, you can be happy with far less negative and worrisome thoughts in your head.  A further positive and effective strategy is to set aside 10 to 20 minutes a day for worrying. When you begin to worry at other times of the day, you need to stop it and remind yourself your worrying  time begins at a later time. None of these strategies are easy to do but are important for a person to overcome the horrible psychological damage caused by the “what-ifing anxiety syndrome”. A  quote from the serenity prayer gives great wisdom to  persons suffering from the “what-iffing anxiety syndrome”. It goes as follows:  GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE,THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN,AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

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    ELEMENTS OF A GOOD PERSON

    Dr John Braccio & Dave Akerly 6-9-20 In the world where too many bad persons think they are good persons and too many good persons believe they are not,it seems worthwhile to come up with a definition of who are the good persons. I do this humbly since persons such as Aristotle and Jesus Christ have eloquently done so. My simple definition would have the following elements: 1.Strive to be fair to others. 2.Strive to be kind to themselves. 3.Strive to have the courage to stand up for what they believe. 4.Strive to control their passions. 5.Strive to be honest in their interactions. 6.Strive to give and accept complements 7.Strive to be reasonable in their expectations for themselves and others…As you can see, my definition is basic but one so many good persons have trouble finding in themselves. On the other hand,I have found persons who are selfish and do not genuinely care for others who amazingly come to the conclusion they are good persons. In the end as I have thought about it,maybe the best definition of good persons are those who strive to follow the “Golden Rule”: DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO Y

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    WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR MANY PEOPLE TO ASK FOR HELP IN DIFFICULT TIMES.

    Persons can feel the problems they have belong alone to them. It is an offshoot of the ALL-SUFFICIENT PERSON, who in reality is a myth. We all need mentors and persons who help us along the road of life. The following is a list of reasons persons will not ask others for help:  1. THE ALL-SUFFICIENT PERSON OF MYTH. 2. I DO NOT WANT TO BOTHER OR BE A BURDEN TO ANYONE. 3. I GOT ME INTO THIS PROBLEM AND NEED TO WORK IT OUT MYSELF. 4. NO ONE WOULD LIKE TO HELF ME. 5.I HAVE ALWAYS HELPED OTHERS AND I WOULD NOT WANT TO SHOW WEAKNESS. 6. PEOPLE WILL SEE MY WEAKNESS AND USE IT TO HUMILIATE ME. 7. I WOULD HATE TO ADMIT PERSONAL FLAWS. 8. I DO NOT WANT TO BE JUDGED NEGATIVELY. 9. FALSE PRIDE. 10. FEAR OF REJECTION. 11. I BELIEVE THE PROBLEM IS TOO BIG FOR SOMEONE TO OFFER HELP. 12.DEPRESSION WHICH CLOUDS ANY POSSIBILITY OF SOMEONE BEING ABLE TO HELP ME. 13. FEAR OF GIVING UP CONTROL OF SOMETHING I CANNOT CONTROL…As a whole, these are all self-defeating beliefs. We all need help at times in our lives and need to accept this. The GOLDEN RULE-DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEN DO UNTO YOU-works both ways. Give people the opportunity to be helpful. It can help both of you.

     

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    MAKE MACRO/MAJOR LIFE CHANGES FOR 2020 TO ENHANCE YOUR LIFE.

    Rather than the typical New Year’s Resolutions at a micro level that often are quickly discarded,Dr. Braccio suggests making major macro changes that can positively alter the course of one’s life. Macro changes would include tolerance,healthy love of self,intentionality of behaviors,geographical changes,employment changes,spiritual growth,better treatment of others,learning how to better love,learn how to be a better friend,and other positive changes that can enhance you as a human being. The goal is for each person to sincerely attempt to examine self to find possible macro changes and act on them. Dr. Braccio relates how yearly retreats in high school at Grand Rapids Catholic Central were helpful to him. In a quiet environment,except for talks by priests,we were to examine ourselves and see how we could improve spiritually and personally. Even though you may add a spiritual component,my focus here is more of a secular outlook.

     

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    THE PERVASIVENESS OF GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)

    Due to its pervasiveness that impacts on millions of Americans daily, it is good to know more about it. It is best described as ongoing anxiety that is chronic, excessive and impacts on many facets in the life of the person. It can be excessive worry about the weather, personal health or that of others, job security, relationships, driving, communication, possible problems ten years from now or literally anything a human being can think about. The condition can be totally debilitating and can lead to physical problems, substance abuse and depression to name a few. Some combination of medication  and counseling is generally seen as the best way to treat GAD. I have read that up to 90% of visits to primary care physicians relate to anxiety. 

     

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    HOW TO CHANGE A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE

    Dr. Braccio discusses on “The Morning Wake-Uo With Dave Akerly” HOW TO CHANGE A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE. Too many people are victims of what is appropriately often called  the “inner critic”. To be positive,the following can be helpful in the overall goal of being happy and not living a negative and dreary life because of a bad attitude:  1.SUBSTITUTE  NEGATIVE THOUGHTS WITH POSITIVE ONES. 2.SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE. 3.STAY AWAY FROM NEGATIVE PEOPLE AS MUCH AS POSIBLE. 4.AS HARD AS IT MAY BE,FIND POSITIVE TRAITS YOU HAVE AND BUILD ON THEM TO BEGIN ENHANCING YOUR SELF-IMAGE AND ATTITUDE. 5.BELIEVE YOU CAN BE POSITIVE AND WORK AT IT EVERY DAY. 5.SEEK OUT PEOPLE WHO ARE GOOD AT HOW YOU WANT TO BE AND MODEL THEIR ATTITUDES AND BEHAVIORS. 6.TALK TO POSITIVE PERSONS AND LEARN FROM THEM HOW THEY DEVELOPED THEIR POSITIVE ATTITUDES. 7.DEVELOP A PLAN AS YOU BUILD A POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND DETERMINE THE OVERALL POSITIVE PERSON YOU WILL BECOME. A good quote of Oscar Wilde that fits our topic is:  WHAT IS A CYNIC?  A MAN WHO KNOWS THE PRICE OF EVERYTHING AND THE VALUE OF NOTHING. A favorite saying of my mother was:  THE OPTIMIST AND PESSIMIST HAVE THE SAME FREQUENCY OF ERROR,BUT THE OPTIMIST IS SO MUCH HAPPIER AND POSITIVE.

     

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    WHY IT IS SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO SAY THEY ARE SORRY

    Dr. Braccio discusses on “The WILS-AM  1320 Morning Wake-Up With Dave Akerly”—WHY IT IS SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO SAY THEY ARE SORRY. How often do we hear persons say they are hurt or angry because persons will not say they are sorry for what was said or done. Each of us must admit we have had these same feelings from time to time. With something so common and potentially devastating to relationships, it is important to look at reasons this is true. Common reasons people have such a hard time saying they are sorry for hurtful words and actions would be as follows:  FEELING VULNERABLE. DANGER OF LOSING POWER. FEAR OF LOSING STATUS. WILL NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. PROJECTING THE GUILT ON THE OTHER PERSON.  OBLIVIOUS TO THE IMPACT OF WORDS AND ACTIONS ON OTHERS. FEAR OF REJECTION. FEAR IT IS ADMITTING INADEQUACY.  NOT SURE IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN. DOES NOT BELIEVE ANY NEED TO USE THE WORD SORRY. ENJOYS THE WORDS OR ACTS. Unfortunately, too many persons use these reasons and others, whether consciously or unconsciously, to not appropriately say they feel sorry when hurting human beings with words and actions. We all have to work on feeling sorry when we do this. The time to start is now.

     

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