Tag: trust in relationships

10-03-2023-

WHEN TO STAY AFTER AN AFFAIR

This is our third segment on affairs and their effects on relationships. We discussed why persons have affairs and what the person who had it can try to do to salvage the relationship. Today we discuss why the aggrieved partner chooses to stay in the relationship when the philanderer has true remorse and wants the relationship to continue. This remorse is the key first step in keeping the marriage together. Further factors would include the following: 1.Good friends who enjoy the company of each other and the sharing of their lives. 2. Similar moral and/or spiritual values. 3. Sexual attraction and sexual needs. 4. Children and the impact on them. 5. Common interests and joint activities. 6. Financial considerations. 7. Future joint dreams and goals. 8. Probability or belief spouse or partner will never again philander. 9.Emotional needs being met.10. Willingness to take part in counseling. 11. And most importantly,a strong bond of love.

September 26, 2023 Last week we discussed why persons have affairs. Today we are going to talk about how the person who had the affair can help rekindle the love in the relationship if the partner is willing to give the marriage or relationship another chance. It is critical that the person who had the affair clearly has remorse for what has occurred and tries to do everything possible to convince a spouse or partner what occurred was truly a betrayal, and will never happen again. The process will predictably be very slow and frustrating to the person who simply wants to let the past go and move on. That is not how things work in rebuilding a relationship where betrayal exists. When a person loves someone and believes they are loved equally, betrayal and infidelity are devastating to the whole underpinnings of the relationship and it is very hard to convince them they truly are the primary focus of the love of the person. The following are suggestions to try to make this happen: 1.Total authentic remorse. 2. Great long term patience. 3. Recognition the questions will keep coming over and over again. 4. Doubts about the authenticity of your remorse may be questioned for a very long period. 5. Always explain where you are when questioned during the rebuilding of love and trust period. 6. The timeline for forgiveness and building a different but potentially better love relationship is with the betrayed spouse or partner and not the philanderer. 7. A therapist trained in working with partners is philandering relationships could be helpful. 8.Spirtuality could also be a strong foundation for the rebuilding of the loving relationship. 9.Be aware,the betrayed person may never get over the affair and the marriage may end; however,it will not be because you did not try to authenticity rebuild a loving relationship.

September 22, 2023-

WHY PERSONS HAVE AFFAIRS

Most of us are aware of a person or persons in marriage or monogamous relationships that have intimate relationships with other persons. The opportunities are many in such a fast paced society. The electronic world we live in today allows these relationships to be sexual, emotional, and a combination of the two without being physically together. My purpose here is to talk about why persons do this. The reasons are amazingly varied and can range from shallow sexual relationships to intense online emotional and sexual activity. We will talk another time about how relationships can be salvaged when affairs occur. Reasons would include the following: 1.Persons with an incapacity to commit to a monogamous relationship and never will. 2. Risktakers who enjoy the activity and hope not to get caught. They like living on the edge. 3.Persons who get caught up in the moment and determine they are going to do what they are going to do and not worry about the consequences. 4. Compulsive sex addicts. 5.Those who have affairs while under the influence of alcohol or drugs. 6. Persons who feel a lack of affection and the need to get it outside of the relationship. 7. A breakdown of communication between the spouses or partners that leads to the person feeling they need this and will get it one way or the other. 8. Poor self-esteem and the need to feel better about self by having another person pay them reinforcement and attention. 9. Concerns relating to conversations not taking place in the home and the need for discussion about them that only can occur outside of the home.10. Major physical or mental conditions of a partner such as severe pain, Parkinson’s disease, MS or dementia can lead to someone finding sexual and emotional satisfaction outside of the home. 11. Having children can lead to so much of the focus of the spouse or partner on the children, that the person feels abandoned and obtains sexual and emotional satisfaction outside of the home. 12. Physical separation for extended periods of time and the spouse or partner feels the need for in person sexual and emotional intimacy apart from the phone or visual communication…The point here is not to indicate any of these reasons, as well as many others, justify someone breaking the commitment to a marriage or monogamous relationship. The point is that affairs are incredibly common and it is critical that spouses and partners continually work on their relationships on a daily basis, and be aware that strong friendship is the glue that keeps relationships together. When persons take each other for granted, and do not treat each other like dear friends and let other priorities take precedence over their relationship, then affairs are often sadly the result.

Dr. Braccio discusses infidelity and the costs of cheating in a relationship, particularly in a marriage. Infidelity can lead to divorce and parental disruption. Yet many stray anyway, prompting the question: Why? Dr. Braccio believes any marriage can be saved if both persons love each other and are willing to do the hard work to save it. He gives you helpful and proven strategies to do it.