Dr Braccio & Dave Akerly of 1320 AM discuss HOW TO BE AN EFFECTIVE STEPFATHER WHEN A CHILD HAS TWO CARING BIOLOGICAL PARENTS 3-22-2022 For the purposes of this segment, we are discussing how to be an effective stepfather when a child has two caring parents. Under any circumstances, being a stepfather can be difficult. It is very important the stepfather initially tread softly but always show loving and caring to the same level as he does for his own children. If this is not done, the probabilities are high that not only will the stepfather have a bad relationship with the children but quite easily the marriage will end in divorce. When given the choice of choosing between children and a stepfather, most often the mother will choose the children and in my opinion that is the appropriate choice because children do not ask to come into the world and deserve the opportunity to have unimpeded relationships with their caring biological parents as much as possible. The following are the traits of an effective stepfather when there are two caring biological parents: 1. Meet the children in an open manner without too many questions and be willing to answer any questions asked by the children. 2.Be honest about who you are in an open manner as who you are will come out over time if you are not authentic. 3. Express and show genuine caring for the children as you get to know them and thereafter. 4. Be supportive of the rules and expectations of the mother. If you have concerns with suggestions, make them when the children are not around. 5. Be available to the children emotionally when they have a need and ask for it. 6. Try to have a friendly or at least cordial relationship with the father of the children and make sure he does not see you trying to be a threat to his role. 7. Have the children call you a name they are comfortable with except for dad or father. 8. Share your hobbies with the children to the level they are willing to take part in them with you. Examples would be bowling, golfing, video games, movies, etc. 9. Make sure you do not show partiality to your children over the stepchildren. You must try to show them the same level of love, respect, and caring to make the blended family be loving and successful. 10. Be a support to the mother as she takes on the primary parenting responsibilities with her children. It is important to note that while you are to love and care for the stepchildren to the same level as your own, you also must accept that the mother is the primary parent as far as rules and expectations go to the same degree as this would be with your children. This does not minimize that you are an adult who must be treated with respect to the same level as you do to them. This can be a difficult field to traverse for both of you but it is critical for a blended family to be successful. 11.If necessary, it can be helpful to seek out clergy or a professional therapist familiar with the role of an effective stepfather and successful blended family.