Subscribe to out YouTube page 🙂 WHY BEING UNDERSTOOD IS CRITICAL BETWEEN SPOUSES/PARTNERS 2-8-22 I believe we would all agree marriages are successful when loving persons understand and respect each other and their opinions. Problems in communication are the obvious results when spouses do not understand and respect the views and opinions of each other. This leads to arguments, hurt feelings, and even devastating ongoing interactions that can not only damage the relationship but can lead to its ending. It is essential each partner feels they are understood. When this happens, disagreements can be discussed in an open manner and resolution can occur. They need not always agree but must accept that each person can have an honest disagreement with the other. When differing views are not accepted or understood, and sometimes even attacked, the result can be feeling one is attacked and being disrespected. This can leave each completely misunderstanding the beliefs and views of the other. The important thing to do when a person feels misunderstood is not to attack the spouse but try to have communication where disagreements can be understood and resolved. While this will not be possible in abusive relationships, most relationships where disagreements occur can be resolved in a civil manner where love exists. Arguing and emotionally destructive bomb-throwing by spouses, who may love each other, certainly run the risk of falling out of love and either staying in an angry marriage or having a divorce. Following are some suggestions on what needs to occur when persons know there is love but feel they are not being understood and it is leading to hurt and/or angry feelings: 1. Use “I statements” to show how you feel rather than attacking your partner with the type of accusatory anger and even invective which will only lead to predictably more misunderstanding and emotional bomb throwing. 2.Try to have open discussion where feelings are presented in an open and honest manner where you do not come across as righteous but as a loving spouse who has dissatisfaction and needs a resolution of the feelings in a meaningful manner. 3. Do not always expect to change the views of your partner when there is obvious disagreement but to make sure your feelings are understood. 4. Before engaging in discussions when you are hurt and maybe feeling diminished, try to approach the discussion in a manner where honest discussion can occur. 5. Recognizing each may be unreasonable and expecting too much. This can only occur when each realizes and accepts this and is willing to change. 6. Except for emotional or physical abuse situations when healthy problem resolution cannot occur, it is important to be aware there can be disagreements that relate to parenting, financial expenditures, friendships, job choices, places to live, and on and on in an almost never ending stream. When this occurs, open-mindedness and a willingness to compromise are critical. The important thing for each spouse to feel understood is that each respects the views of the other in a nonjudgmental manner and is open to the awareness each person is different and will not always see things the same way. 7. To seek out a trained and experienced therapist in relationship communication could be helpful for problem resolution when one or both spouses do not feel understood and want the problem resolved.