Question:
Dr.Braccio: I have an odd but for me a difficult escort bayan mersin problem. Thirty-two years ago I was stationed in Texas and took up with a woman there. I was with her when she was pregnant from another man. I went through the pregnancy with her and agreed to have my name on the birth certificate so there would be the name of a father the mother cared for. I cared for her and her mother a lot and was involved in her upbringing for two years and then returned to Michigan and pretty much put it behind me. I left on good terms with the mother. We both realized we were not compatible. The daughter is moving to Troy, Michigan for a good job. She wrote me because her mother had died and she wanted to meet her father. I know who her father is and found him in a people search. My problem is what to tell her. No one in my family knew anything about this and I never imagined this happening. My wife, adult children, and family tell me to just tell her the whole truth and direct her to her real father. I am not sure how to tell her, what to tell her, and where to tell her. I also have some feelings for someone I shared a lot of happy times with when she was a baby and young child. What do you advise?
Answer:
Even though most people would say you need to tell her the truth, this is clearly a very delicate situation. An added difficulty is that this has brought up old feelings and you still have some for this girl. You put your name on her birth certificate and helped raise her for two years.
You need to talk to your wife and children about this and explain how you feel. Ideally they will understand and collectively you can decide what to do.
In my mind it is better to meet with her to discuss this. Even if painful for your wife, she may want to meet with you when you see her. To do this, she will need more understanding and compassion than many of us have. Your children may also want to meet her. Hopefully they and your wife can understand this was a baby and child you cared for and even loved.
I suggest you tell her you loved her as a child but are not her biological father. If she presses you, and many might not agree, I would tell her the name of the man her mother told you was her father. She can then decide what to do with the information. She is over 30 and apparently a successful adult.
It is possible you will meet with her one time and that will be the end of it. At a human level, it is possible you can all get to know her as someone you helped raise the first two years of her life.
As a final thought, you might want to talk to an attorney about any legal implications of you being named her father on the birth certificate.