Question:
Dr.Braccio: I am confused karatay kadın escort whether to marry a man I love or not. We love each other but have some real differences that are hard for me to overcome. I overlook that he cannot find a steady job because he does help look after my house. I also overlook he is an atheist and I’m a devout Christian. We were going to marry two years ago but he did not know if he wanted children. Recently he agreed to marry but only have one child. Now he does not want any religion for the child and says the child needs to be free from a controlling parent like he says I will be. When we talk about how we would raise the child, he says I can do most of the parenting but he will intervene if I get controlling with the child or push Christianity or any other religion on this child. I’m so mad about his new conditions that I’m ready to throw him out of my house and again try to forget him. My mother likes him and says to marry him and he’ll change. My aunt and two best friends say he’s a free loader and throw him out. He hates them so much I can’t even tell him when we talk and they never come over to my house anymore because he’s very rude to them. Do you think I should marry him and that he’ll change?
Answer:
I suggest you follow the advice of your aunt and two best friends and throw him out. There seems to be little future here unless you do not have a child and he in effect is your child; and a controlling one at that.
He backed out at getting married when you said you wanted children and now has agreed to one child. When you agreed with that, he set standards on the possible religious views of your child and will be the “ultimate” parent if you do things he disapproves of. On top of that, he calls you controlling as the reason for his need to intervene as the “super parent”.
Your mother is wrong to suggest you marry him and he will change. The time to work out potential problems, particularly when you can identify them, is before you get married. This in effect would be a “hidden agenda” on your part which would predictably blow up in your face and lead to tragedy for you and your child.
In fairness to him, he is saying what he wants if you want to have a child with him. It also seems very possible he does not want a child at all and comes up with what he knows will be unacceptable conditions for you. You may have a to decide to marry him as he is or leave him.
As a Christian, you have to ask yourself if you want to raise a child that the father does not believe in God and wants not only that the child not be a Christian but that he not believe in a supreme being. You each clearly do not seem at all well matched spiritually. Such a situation is an excellent recipe for pain, discord and divorce with or without a child.
Even though it must be your decision alone as to whether you marry this man or not, your facts do not give much reason to believe that there will be happiness or success in your marriage.
To talk to your pastor and/or a counselor well experienced in such situations as yours could be very helpful and enlightening. Those that care for you and are worried for you have every reason to have their concerns.