Question
Dr.Braccio: My fourteen year old daughter can torture me emotionally but is so escort kızlar mersin insecure in her life. She never wants to try anything new. I also must work more at this. When I push her into something like the Spanish Club, she enjoys it and even thrives in it while I’m worn out from the struggle to get her to finally go. In spite of all I try, the scenario is always the same. What’s wrong and what can I do differently?
Answer
Your daughter has low self-esteem in relation to trying new things. She is comfortable with the known and predictable. The unknown scares her. The scenario you have developed between the two of you appears to be how she changes. The problem is that there is no spontaneity and the process and resulting change for her is a very slow and burdensome process. Additionally, you get worn out emotionally and it puts real wear and tear on your relationship.
Until you can implement some of the following suggestions on how to help both you and your daughter, you probably need to use the current model to make sure some changes occur. Even though I say this, the emphasis needs to be on the new suggestions below.
1. Encourage her whenever possible to try new things. Use your whole environment. This can occur when you see something on TV, in newspapers, in magazines, as you walk in your life, etc. that you can build on to discuss with her with the goal of helping her see how it relates to her and how she might try it.
2. Be on guard to always immediately applaud her anytime she thinks about and/or tries to do anything new. Each time may potentially be the catalyst for a major overall change in her life.
3. Place her in situations where she can take a leadership or proactive role. Church, family and community activities lend themselves to this.
4. Model a willingness to try new things. Demonstrate the excitement that can come from trying new things. Because you must work on this also, it will be a good test for you as well as her.
5. Try to set up events and that would allow her to explore new things. Examples would include picnics, trips, extensive walking, amusement parks, church/youth activities, art class, cake decorating class, sewing class, swimming, tennis and soccer.
Even if she continues for a period of time to have a hard time changing, hopefully she can begin to see the excitement and fun that comes from spontaneously trying new things. That both of you could do it together would be great fun in a positive mother/daughter bonding situation.
Any questions or comments would be appreciated.