Question
Dr.Braccio: My seven karatay bayan escort year old son is afraid of anything new. He wants everything very predictable. He’s loving but gets very tense and upset if we want to do something new or even if I change our routine. His first grade teacher says I need to teach him to explore new things and that he cannot be fearful of everything. She says he’s always near her and seems to worry about everything. I feel bad about this. What’s the problem? What can I do? I’m a worrier too and have seen this in him as normal. I know how bad this had been for me and I need to help him be different.
Answer
Your son is very fearful. Fear is reasonable when there is danger and the body prepares itself for battle in the famous adrenalin driven “fight or flight” response to fear or danger. In the case of your son, even if he has a biological tendency, the fears in him are learned behaviors. He must learn when fear is appropriate and when it is not. You need to teach him this. This can best be done by changing yourself in the process.
It appears he has picked up your behaviors as you have modeled them. It is the same as the way we pick up the language we speak or the English accent we pronounce. Do not feel guilty for this. You did not plan this problem for either of you and now is the time to make changes in both yourself and your son. See it as an exciting “voyage” to make both of your lives happier and less stressful.
The following are some helpful things you can do:
1. Explain to him over and over again that he must accept reasonable changes in life. That change is the normal process and not something to fear. It can be stressful, but change can make life exciting and an exploration of constantly new things. Be kind but firm when doing this.
2. Address each fear he has by talking to him as be expresses it and try to talk him out of it and help him successfully live the experience. Gradually, he will do it himself.
3. Constantly encourage him to try new things with “at a boy” statements.
4. Even though he is young, explain at a seven year old level how you have been fearful and how it has caused you pain. Let him know you will help him be less fearful and try the same with yourself. Make it a team effort.
5. Successful experiences in overcoming fear will hopefully make him be less fearful and ready to try new things. He needs you to guide him through these experiences that let him become less fearful. The goal is simply for him to try new things and enjoy them.
6. Model a positive attitude when trying new things. Together you both can see how exciting new experiences can be.
Progress will predictably be slow. Ingrained behaviors are slow to change. Do not worry about this. Do your best and keep at it. Success will come and you and your son will be so much happier as you live less fearful lives.
Any questions or comments would be appreciated.