HOW A LOVED ONE CAN TALK TO A LOVED ONE WHO HURTS YOUR FEELINGS. July 6, 2021
Hey It is very difficult for anyone to deal with a hurt that is caused by someone who is loved and cared for. The first reactions could be lashing out in anger or going into a shell and not wanting to talk at all. Neither of these reactions is effective. The important thing to do is be able to have communication that allows each person the opportunity to best solve the problem together. The person who is hurt is best advised to in a caring way bring up the concern at a personal level and not attack the other person for what was said or done. The next strategy is to give a solution to the problem that can be discussed. This allows the person who hopefully inadvertently did the hurting to have an opportunity to help in the problem-solving so it does not happen again. Typical examples would be forgetting a birthday or important date, making plans and not considering desires or feelings of the loved person, saying words or statements that are sarcastic or mean spirited, not being available in times of need, not caring for the feelings of the person, not being tuned into the person when there is a strong emotional need for discussion and problem-solving,and on and on in an almost never ending set of possibilities. The important thing to remember is that the silent treatment and anger may work in some situations and even for a period of time; however, these strategies do not work over time and tend to hurt and even destroy relationships. The important thing is to be able to resolve problems in a way that each can have respect and feel good about whatever resolution is determined. Problem-solving of this nature is often very difficult because there is often a lack of agreement on the gravity of the problem and thus the importance of the need for the resolution. The key factor is when people love each other,they must be open to problem-solving discussion when concerns arise. If problem-solving is not able to be done by the persons involved, it can be helpful to bring in clergy,a trusted friend or family member. An additional option would be to find a therapist who is familiar and experienced with problem-solving among loving persons.