Question
Dr.Braccio: My seventeen konya merkez kadın numaraları year old daughter is having a hard time emotionally. Her father died in a car accident when I was pregnant with her. He was speeding and ran into a tree. Her stepfather adopted her when we married and she was three years old. They love each other and he treats her like his daughter. Even though it never bothered her before, she feels bad she looks nothing like her two brothers and sister and does not have their superior academic skills. That she is far more outgoing and popular does not make her feel better. She is very pretty, popular, athletic and is an above average student. For some reason, she has only recently been focusing on this. I’ve not said much about her father to her and she never seemed to be very interested. He was basically good but immature. He said he was treated very poorly when growing up. He was very handsome and athletic but had little or no motivation for work or school. We loved each other but were both very young and foolish. I actually matured and grew up a lot while raising her before I married. I’ve been trying to talk to her but do not know what to say. He was not from Michigan. When we met, he was not talking to anyone and I have never met anyone from his side. What should I say to her?
Answer
The concerns of your daughter are reasonable and occur quite naturally in many persons in her circumstances. That they are occurring at the age of seventeen is not usual or unusual. People can wonder about their heritage when young, old or sometimes never. This just happens to be the time for her. You can talk to her and ask her why this is important to her now as a way to break the ice. Be open and non-threatening to get an honest answer and guarantee good follow up discussion.
You can tell your daughter about her birth father and also about yourself when you two were together. She is old enough for open and honest discussion. It sounds like you two were immature, in love, and she is the wonderful product of the relationship. You can be positive and say he probably would have matured as you have. He apparently had some good traits that have been passed to your daughter. That she is doing well in your home environment is positive and apparently different from how he grew up. Her motivation to do well is a tribute to your maturity and good parenting.
You might consider making contact with his family or helping her do this now or in the future if she desires. This is said even though it could lead to disappointment. She needs to know this possible negative outcome to cushion any possible hurt or frustration.
The fact the children have different academic skills could be genetic or it also could relate to different skills and interests that come to children even with the same parents. It also appears she may have developed her social skills more as they have developed their academic skills. The key thing is for her to look at her wonderful self and not compare herself with others. From what you say, she need not take a back seat to anyone.
Any questions or comments would be appreciated.