QUESTION
I’m feeling very hurt and upset about something I can’t control.I had my sixteen year old son when his father was sixteen and I was silifke escort ilanları fifteen years old. He has married, is successful, and has four other children. His wife is snooty and really resents me and my son even though she is cordial. The father sends child support but is not very involved in his life. My son keeps in contact and I encourage this. I feel bad because my son has little and his brothers and sisters live very well with two families giving support. We are more or less on our own except for some good friends who are supportive. I try to be positive and let him know how much I love him. I work hard but do not make a lot of money. He’s a good student, has friends, is involved in sports and makes his own spending money. My son always says he loves me and doesn’t complain a lot but it has to hurt him. What do you think?
ANSWER
It probably does hurt him to some degree. The situation is not fair from a material point of view. What cannot be measured are the positive feelings he receives from the love you give him. The fact he always say he loves you is wonderful. Teenagers do not “always” say that if they do not mean it.
Praise yourself for not only loving him but by example showing him how to love you back in a wondrous mother/child mirror-like interaction and exchange. Such feelings make life so much more meaningful.
It appears your son, even if he is somewhat saddened by material comparisons with his siblings, is successful and moving on in his life. Your effective parenting of him can act like a ripple effect positively impacting on his and your future family members for generations to come. Such is the importance of successful parenting.
That you have “some good friends who are supportive” is and has been positive for both of you. They apparently have become like an “extended part” of your family.
Accept you “can’t control” or change the attitudes and behaviors of your son’s father and his wife. That you encourage him to keep in contact is positive unless it were destructive to his self-image; and that does not appear to be the case. You can only impact on yourself and your son. Continue to do the fine job you are doing with your son. Hopefully, the father will someday desire to become more involved in his son’s life.
In a world where complaining and comparing self to others has never been a path to success and happiness, it appears your son is successfully finding a positive path of social, academic, work, and athletic success. Continue to applaud and encourage him to be his best. As he does this, you will daily see the effects of your sacrifice and boundless love. Substitute your feelings of “hurt and upset” for feelings that you are doing a wonderful parenting job.