Question
Dr.Braccio: Our fourteen-year old son has had a rocky and difficult eighth grade silifke eskort ilanları year. He’s been in his first puppy love, which ended in disaster, has been crabby at home and school, wants to be part of the “in group” and continues to be obsessed with how he looks. A little pimple on his face gets him upset. As my husband laughs and says, “He’s a general pain in the wazzoo”. He’s our oldest of four and we wonder if this is what we should expect. We are a close family and talk a lot, but he’s difficult to deal with much of the time.
Answer
Welcome to puberty and middle school life in the family lives of adolescents and parents. Things will be at least as complicated next year when he begins high school.
Adolescence is and has been a difficult time. Children go from elementary school where relationships and body changes occur but nothing like the radical changes that occur in adolescence. They become very aware of what they look like and too often seem to compete and compare themselves with others. They become aware of sexuality and the opposite sex. Feelings of unattractiveness, awkwardness and low self-esteem can cause so much hurt. Even the changes of voice from the light timber of a child to the beginning of adult sound can be difficult. A squeak every now and then is not unusual.
Social positioning also changes dramatically. To be popular and part of the in crowd becomes far more complicated and difficult. How fast you can gallop on the playground or how many dolls you have becomes irrelevant and is replaced with social graces and getting along with the opposite sex. Of course, to be a good athlete is very helpful with social status. Unfortunately, to be a top academic student is too often not given enough status and parents and school personnel need to praise it.
Because everything is so new and solid maturity and personality balance are often lacking, it can be a very difficult for persons who do not fit in. Adolescents are often even cruel as they criticize and ostracize those who are seen as slow and not cool. This causes great pain in many boys and girls as they are going through so many physical and emotional changes and need to struggle to find self-satisfaction and self-esteem growth. The lack of maturity and life experience in seemingly adult bodies often leads to bad decisions and conflicts with parents and school officials.
The positive thing is that most persons adjust to middle school and then high school after going through growing pains.
It is important during these adolescent years that you try hard to keep good communication open with our children. We must listen to them, have their confidence and give them the best advice we can. That is what good parenting is all about.
That you are close as a family is very important to “survive” the adolescence years of your children. Parents must have developed strong bonding since birth to have the family strength to overcome the many societal and peer temptations that are so available to adolescence: Inappropriate sexuality, illegal drugs, dare devil activities and poor peer choices to name a few.
A strong spiritual or strong moral sense of right and wrong must be in place to help your son and other children make good decisions and be a positive leader for his peers. That he will make many mistakes is to be expected. Make sure you are there to be a strong guide and example for him. With your support, he will hopefully focus more and more on being a good person, friend, citizen, son, student and contributor to society.