Question
We are in a real dilemma over the behavior of our 10 year old year son.He has been alot of trouble to us in spite of our best intentions He lies to avoid punishment and does some petty stealing silifke eskort numaraları in the house. We’re tough with him but he always fools us and lets us down when we begin to trust him. He behaves good at school and has some good friends. The current concern for us is that his teacher this year feels we are too negative and need to be more positive. We met with him and the school counselor about this. The school counselor is meeting with him and agrees with the teacher. We want to do that but are so worn out . So are his two older sisters. What should we do?
Answer
This is a difficult situation. It appears you are burned out with parenting your son. That he steals and lies certainly hurts trust and must be eliminated.
The problem is that he only gets negative from you and this continues due to his inappropriate behaviors. The teacher and school counselor may be able to help the whole family. Hopefully, they are building a rapport that can help him behave more appropriately at home. Encourage them to work with your son and keep in close contact with them.
You two need to start noting his good behaviors and reinforce them. Your negative approach is obviously not working and the family is in turmoil. The key is not to overlook lying and stealing but rather to praise him when he tells the truth and does not steal. Hopefully, this reinforcement will help him replace his negative behaviors with positive ones.
That he has good friends and does not get in trouble at school shows the problem is at home and relates to family dynamics. This is positive and enhances the chances for success in a shorter period of time if you can change the home environment.
Family counseling could be helpful. You might begin with the two of you to help give you new approaches to deal with your son. Your son and daughters could be included as deemed appropriate by the counselor. It is possible changes by both of you would lead to changes in him that would make the home life much better for everyone.
A pastor could also help if you have a spiritual orientation. The pain you are suffering is often relieved with spiritual as well as worldly support.
Even though it is obvious you cannot excuse lying and stealing, you would do well to see if his behaviors are really an inappropriate reaching out for some attention and maybe even love, even if it is negative. Counseling could help give you insight into causes of his behaviors as well as possible solutions.